|Reviews for Saving the World Mafia Style|
| Robin G. Fellow chapter 2 . 6/14/2006
This is a great idea, however, your characters are mary sues. They don't have a background and if they were really from the mafia, they wouldn't care about anyone other than themselves. I also doubt that people with their last names would get into the mafia in the first place. They don't have a reason to go to Hogwarts either. I also doubt that Severus would have such lttle control and that Lucius would be scared of them. You need to give them flaws and I suggest you get rid of the 'special powers' that they have unless you balance it out with an extreme personality flaw. You also have a few spelling errors and your story is also rushed. I suggest you rewrite this story as it has alot of potential with an interesting main idea. You just have to make the oc's more realistic, touch up on spelling, slow down, and you'll have a better story.
| InvaderCass chapter 1 . 2/18/2006
'sunlight' sounds like the name of a 'my little pony'. No offence, but these girls are mary-sues. They all have powers? whats up with that! If they were real mafia girls they wouldnt care about anyone else, and they'd just shoot the crap out of anyone who was after them. And their last names are Hope, Sunlight, Pride and Dark. Nobody with names like that would ever get let into the mafia. Nobody would have those names at all.
Also, there's no real background info on these girls. It seems as if you have just invented four girls and gone 'hey lets put them in the mafia!' the only reason they're there at all is for love interest for the other guys. Give them some background!
I hope you don't get offended or anything by this review, because i'm not saying this to be mean. I think you should re-write this story with some touch ups, develop the characters and don't make them so perfect. Maybe make one have a strong blood-lust, and one could have a disfiguring scar across her face.
Also, come up with a better reason for them to go to hogwarts than 'we have to help the people we have never met before because we have morals even though we are mafia bitches' you know what i mean? They have no real reason to be there. Try and develop that aswell.
I hope i didn't offend you, that wasn't my aim. If i did, i apologise, but i think you should definately try and fix this story, before it gets taken down.