|Reviews for But Hold on Forever|
| Zero Admin Eevee chapter 1 . 11/22/2007
I notice you reversed the genres for this piece... and would like to know if there is any specific reason for doing so...?
Anyway, I like the way you use perception to manipulate events, as they seem somehow different from this point-of-view and time. The ending appears to imply that they can communicate without actual words, but when thoughts are voiced the interpretation of the words appears to change somewhat. It's interesting to see that while Legault notices the darkness and the death, Heath notices the silence, the sky, and his own thoughts; it seems to mirror an aspect of their personalities I can't quite place.
All in all, well done.
| Nariko.Hoshi chapter 1 . 9/18/2006
Oops, apparently I forgot to review this one... sorry! I love these 2 oneshots so much... this is the best kinda of tradgedy. Actually, this is the best tragedy I've read on this site- so many people overdo it, but you got Heath and Legault perfectly. Arg, I'm just going in circles, but I really do love these fics.
| Lethe Laguz chapter 1 . 4/22/2006
I really don't have anything constructive to say about this, as I can't think of much that I'd improve.
I was really happy to find this fic. I love the Legault/Heath pairing, but most fics I've found about them focus on the fact that Legault's kind of a flirt instead of the fact that Legault and Heath are both deserters, trying to avoid the people chasing them. I think that's what makes their relationship so interesting. I also like how you made this so realistic, rather than copping out on the tragedy for the sake of having a happy fluff ending. You have a great writing style as well.
Great job on this!
| Writer Awakened chapter 1 . 4/21/2006
In the spirit of the great Circle of Reviewyness...REVIEW TIME! :D
More tragedy. :( Neither of these guys ever get the breaks, do they? Legault with the Fang, Heath with his squadron. Sheesh!
Sorry, I'm rambling. Anyway, nice job.
Actually, I believe it is spelled "elixir" with an i. That's the only typographical error I could find, though.
The 'voice' is a bit awkward at times, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Let me see if I can pin it down.
For example, in the line: "...covers his armor like some horrific version of paint." The words 'version of' aren't needed, in my opinion.
"He doesn't answer Legault's almost-sincere voice that can barely be heard in the smothering silence" That line sounds a bit awkward.
Hmm...aside from those minor nitpicks, good job. I'm sorry I can't think of anything more to say!
| fire-emblem-girl chapter 1 . 4/11/2006
:'( even though it's just a different spin on and down we go it's still sad. it seems like it's completely different! which is a good thing. ;p
If I hadn't deserted... If we were different...
Would we still be here, Legault?
saddest line EVER. great fic!
| Ormiss chapter 1 . 3/26/2006
There's a certain elegance, a nostalgic beauty, to the concept of poignant silence. In your case, it couldn't be more fitting.
"...an apathy has settled into his mind like blood into the dirt, and it feels just as heavy as his armor."
- Wonderful. The bitter truth is that death rarely has time for overt drama. There's so much we want to say when we get our last chance, but many of us cannot speak even then. So we try to show it:
"He tightens his hold; he can't say anything."
- Precisely. I commented on this in my review for And Down We Go, but it bears repeating, especially after what I just said above.
"One of them has an expression that clearly says he will do anything for Bern and nothing will change that."
- On the other hand, this line feels too long, to reflective in the heat of the battle. I feel like there should be a way to express it more succinctly.
Good job! Coming from "And Down We Go," the greater degree of... 'silence'... in this piece seems like an excellent contrast to bring you deeper into the events. As interesting as it would be to know, I can't say how it works the other way around.
| leradny chapter 1 . 1/24/2006
...I have to say, this has one hell of a lot more HEART than your other one. Not to say you didn't have heart in your last one, but the present tense and the fact it wasn't from Legault's point of view really helped. Can't go all serious with Legault, y'know.
'Are you alive, Legault?'
Legault shifts under his arm. "Heath..."
As the dialogue dwindles off towards the end, I got a sense of quietness and poignance, much more so than that sudden halt in "And Down we Go." It's very emotional.
I like this one more.
| R Amythest chapter 1 . 1/22/2006
Legault's lines seemed a bit random and fast in the first section of the fic, but that's most of what I've to say.
"If I hadn't deserted... If we were different...
Would we still be here, Legault?"
That ending is lovely, really. I don't know if this was your intention (although I hope it is, that would make you brilliant), but the way I read into it, it was both thankful and regretful. If they hadn't been deserted, would they have met and started their love, and be together?
If they hadn't been deserted, would they still be alive?
| Renn chapter 1 . 1/18/2006
Wow...even more touching than the first one!...but still so sad...I really loved Heath's thoughts tow hat to reply to Legault's confession.