|Reviews for The Vixen|
| Pinnicle of Wierdness chapter 10 . 12/3/2009
Amazing! Nothing seems out of place. The dialogue, the writing. Flawless! This is going on my favorites and my communities.
| Sir Behawolf Foxclaw chapter 10 . 10/4/2009
wow now that was a interesting story its almost liket the beginning of the other stories I have read but non the less bravo my friend bravo...
| PIBB chapter 10 . 10/3/2009
This story was incredible. Everything fell into place so perfectly, none of the dialogue or actions seemed out of character and it was very funny. You did a great job and the plot twists were perfect.
One thing I didn't expect was the Prinnies from the Disgea series that was out of place but it was funny.
Keep up the good work!
| The Lonely Fox chapter 10 . 5/27/2009
luved it please make another soon
| DCFG chapter 10 . 3/14/2009
| David Spurgeon chapter 10 . 3/1/2009
I believe I've left a review in the past, but I have to leave another one. After the first time I read this, I was thinking about asking you to make another story along this line. Potentially start a new series. I'm not normally this FanBoyistic, but you've got me hook, line and sinker!
| David Spurgeon chapter 10 . 2/5/2009
In all honesty, I have yet to find a story quite like this one. Please continue to write and type these. You have fans out here in the everyday world. Please don't keep us waiting! :)
| KBB chapter 7 . 10/4/2008
"it's all about the Game." Instantly, I thought, "I just lost The Game!"
Wow, long chapter. I mostly skimmed over the description of how he got to Rajan's palace. Again, the anger seems a bit over the top for Sly's even temperment. "He felt like yelling, screaming, demanding her to come out and face him..." (26 indents down)
"the box will self-destruct after that message is played"? I am sorry Robert Brown, but you are not James Bond. Though "If you place anything in the keyhole except for the key then the flamethrowers I've rigged inside the closet will ignite and torch the tux" was a nice touch.
Wait, Bentley unwrapped the presents in a the time of a single swipe? He should walk on his hands and race with Sonic the Hedgehog!
The Ruby clue and Murray's explaination were boring, and so I stopped reading right there. Thanks for the amusement.
Hope to see you roun', Robert Brown.
| KBB chapter 6 . 10/4/2008
Y'know, the story was more fun to read when I didn't think the critiques would bother you. I realize that you were trying to defend your story, but still, I felt like you couldn't take it. Arguing about it would only make it seem more so. I'm sure you can, but that was just how I saw it.
I'd say that sly seems a little OOC, but then again, Carm's never been directly threatened. Even when directly threatened, I don't think he would go directly at the threat. while your description on the way there was alright, this chapter seems to have lacked the planning we know would go into it. I don't know, unless you're trying to shake it up a bit, their usual order is:
planning, recon, meeting, basic jobs, [meeting possible], advanced jobs, meeting, heist. I'm pretty sure you got the planning down, but it seems like there was no other set-up (other than jobs from the original heist)for Sly's confrontation against the Vixen. I know it's a tedious process, but if abbreviated and in quick succession, they'll move very quickly and concisely. To tell you the truth, I think that pattern done well would be more interesting than the description of Sly's trip to the Vixen's headquarters.
| KBB chapter 5 . 9/29/2008
Hey, France and Spain are border buddies. Plane tickets would be wasted going from one country to another; going by train would make more sense.
If you are well versed in both Spanish and French, I have to applaud you becuase I am an absolute linguaphile. If you're doing all this through online translation, SHAME.(Unfortunately, I can't tell with your Spanish because I have yet to learn it. But French won't be so easy for you to cover :})
I'm afraid you misused "kip" again. Sorry.
"deja vu" needs an accent aigu over the 'e'.
done nitpicking for now.
| KBB chapter 4 . 9/29/2008
Yay! It's nit-pick time! Hate me if you will.
I didn't know what "kip" meant, so I looked it up.
1) a gymnastic exercise performed starting from a position with the legs over the upper body and moving to an erect position by arching the back and swinging the legs out and down while forcing the chest upright
2) A method or feat of raising the body when hanging or swinging by the arms, as for the purpose of mounting upon the horizontal bar. The legs are swung forward and upward by bending the hips, then suddenly down again, which gives the upward impulse to the body.
Nice try, but I think you used the word wrong. Not using Word Synonyms, by any chance?
'Fichu' is an interesting word to use. I thought it would mean 'damned' from where I saw it, but 'rotten' may be a better choice. My French isn't as good as it could be; check that 'fichu' doesn't come after the noun like in most cases.
It bothers me somewhat that the Vixen & Carm both call Sly "ringtail". Is this done on purpose? Maybe you have better technique than I.
Alrighty. This critique is long enough for one chapter! I'm stopping this here, sorry for the, er, excessive length.
| KBB chapter 3 . 9/29/2008
Cheers for this chapter! It was interesting and different from your others; as soon as we found out it would be an action chapter, the action started.
The Boos? For having to resort to a cliche accent mostly, though I am very happy that there wasn't an even more cliche "HOW COULD YOU?" moment when Carm came in.
| KBB chapter 2 . 9/29/2008
hey, just me again. You probly already got this complaint already, but your biggest problem in this chapter is your editing. Editing is a painful thing, and most people never do it (myself included), but it makes your work look so much more sophisticated when it's flawles. Ever open up one of those IM stories? Think of those. Pretend every mistake you pass over makes your story look like one of 'those'.
| KBB chapter 1 . 9/29/2008
I realize that this story is old and you probly don't want comments anymore, so I hope this isn't too much a bother.
Overall, this chapter was good. You have a nice mix when it comes to Carmelita; in character, and yet she's different in small ways that make her your Carmelita. The bad point? The cliffie was pretty lame, sorry. But then again, I have no better suggestion to give.
| AlphaFoxAttackSquadron chapter 10 . 7/17/2008
Awesome story. I loved reading this. Just when i think i have it figured out, you go and flip the plot... again...
What bothered me most was the idea of the plot in general. I know i have seen a show with this storyline, and it irks me to no end to not a definite! I know it, but i don't.
If that made sense, please tell me. So, spill it...
What was this based off of?