|Reviews for Jewls|
| sophianwin chapter 2 . 1/22/2006
Sorry to bother you again, but now that we see a real plot, I do have more to say.
I think that a lot of your problem is that you're not descriptive enough. We can't easily see the family resemblence by the clothing. You did not at all describe the people in the album, and I am very confused as to what happened during the party.
Please clarify these chapters.
| sophianwin chapter 1 . 1/22/2006
First of all, I would like to cover two subjects, content and mechanics.
Mechanics- Most of us use Microsoft Word, which has SpellCheck. (In case you didn't know, you can use Shift F7 to get it). This means that you can fix most of your spelling and grammar mistakes, such as "Jewls" or "Tredent" which is not a word. Secondly, you seem to have a problem with knowing which word to use. For instance, "sequence", which means a pattern or order, instead of "sequins" which are what go on a dress.
Content- Thus far, though it is only the first chapter, I know very little about your characters or even what they look like physically. I think you spent too much time describing their clothes, which the reader cares very little about, instead of even how they look. Are the short, tall? How about their faces? Are they heavy-set, delicate, round, pointed?
I also know very little about the people's personalities. I honestly do not know the difference between the characters, because quite honestly, you do not differentiate much between them. Perhaps the ages, but even the names are easily mixed up when the reader has no character traits to associate them with. What are their strengths? Their flaws? Do they speak rudely, or very politely? What do they hate? What do they like?
Please either get a beta-reader. This was not meant to be a flame.
| mark chapter 2 . 1/21/2006
Next time, before you post, learn to write. If you can't follow the basic laws of grammar, all you'll succeed in is embarrassing yourself.
You can't even spell your title. "Jewels."
| Bittersweet x chapter 2 . 1/18/2006
Getting really interesting.. update!
| Bittersweet x chapter 1 . 1/16/2006
'Twas pretty cool :D I liked it.. mysterious last line! Good job, update soon!