Reviews for The very strange heir
eiluj chapter 1 . 9/6/2007
Accidents do happen, even on the most important days. But these accidents are all rather unlikely.

Like all kings, nobles, and the very rich, Aragorn would have a male personal servant whose only job is to care for and prepare his clothing. Aragorn would not be sending his boots away to be polished at the other end of the Citadel and mixed up with other people's shoes. His own manservant (a *very* important person in the hierarchy of palace servants) would polish and care for the boots himself to ensure Aragorn was always perfectly dressed. [Reading about daily life in the Middle Ages or Renaissance would help you learn how people lived.]

A guard pushed Gimli into a fountain? That reads as if he did it intentionally - again, highly unlikely: obviously this guard is trying to leave his job and doesn't want a good reference. Plainly suicidal career instincts.

The four hobbits were not allowed to the coronation square by a guard who thought they were children. - The hobbits are neither mute nor stupid; if one guard didn’t believe them, someone else could be found who would - and frankly, *you’re* treating the hobbits like children if you think they couldn’t have handled this by themselves! Certainly the hobbits could have pointed out their foothair and their pointed ears (proof they were not children of Men). Were *all* the guards and city officials deaf and blind? Had *none* of them seen - or at least heard about - the hobbits? Keep in mind also that the hobbits don't *look* like Gondorians (*very* short rather than very tall; mostly light hair rather than black-haired; curly hair rather than straight; rounder faces; eyes of various colors rather than mostly grey; the clothing they’re wearing in the last film is very different from what the Gondorians wear): they're not merely short people with pointed ears, they all look like *foreigners*! Any well-run organization (including the bureaucracy planning the coronation) has staff meetings ahead of time to ensure that everything goes smoothly. The hobbits are some of the most honored people in Minas Tirith; coronation staff would have been told to look out for them (as well as all the other VIPs).

“Gimli I have had a maid deliver dry clean clothes to your room go change.” - Keep in mind that Gimli is the *only* dwarf to have visited Minas Tirith in many centuries (if not longer). Dwarves are not the same shape as Men. Gimli is at least half a meter shorter than the tall Gondorians; his shoulders are much wider, his chest much larger, and his neck also larger: *nothing* made for a Man will fit him (there *might* have been a couple of blacksmiths or muscular laborers *somewhere* in the city whose neck and chest were large enough that their *shirts* might have fit Gimli - but how would anyone find those people in time on the hectic coronation day? - and anyway, the sleeves and hem would have been down to Gimli’s ankles).

The *only* clothes in the city which would fit Gimli are his own clothes. But if the clothes the maid has were Gimli's clean clothes, they would already be in his room! (What was he wearing the day before the coronation if all his clothes were in the possession of the laundrymaids?) Since the clothes he intended to wear to the coronation are by far the fanciest he has in Minas Tirith, much better to have servants dry them as well as they can (blotting the moisture with dry cloths, ironing the clothes dry or hanging them in front of a fire) in the time before the ceremony. If Gandalf has enough time to run around solving all these problems, there’s time to partly-dry Gimli’s clothes. It's summer in Gondor and the sun is hot; he'll soon dry the rest of the way.

The word is "elven" rather than "elvin."

"... it was found inside the tunic of an elf but the maids didn’t know whose tunic it was.” - This sounds like an *unbelievably* badly-managed palace laundry...

He met Legolas they switched a few words - “Switched” *is* sometimes interchangeable with “exchange,” but only when “exchange” means “replace” or “substitute” (Gimli “switched” his wet clothes for dry ones). However, in this case, because you are speaking of a conversation, “switch” doesn’t work, and the word you want to use is “exchanged” or “traded.”

He started to sing a beautiful Elvin song - The words to the song are indeed in Quenya (one of the elvish languages), but they are Aragorn's ancestor Elendil's words. Elendil was Isildur's father, the king Sauron kills at the beginning of the first movie, and whose sword Isildur uses to cut the Ring from Sauron’s hand. True, we don't know who wrote the music, elves or Men - but the reason Aragorn is singing (in the book, reciting) is the *meaning* of the words, not anything to do with the music. These are the words Elendil spoke when he arrived in Middle-earth, escaping the destruction of Númenor. The meaning is, "Out of the Great Sea to Middle-earth I am come. In this place will I abide, and my heirs, unto the ending of the world." Highly significant for the returning King of Gondor, and nothing to do with the elves.

If the presence of Elrond and the twins in Minas Tirith for the coronation is general knowledge (not a surprise as it was in the film), and the three elves are hanging out with Aragorn and Fellowship before the ceremony, surely Aragorn would be aware Arwen came with them? In the books, the elves all arrive together (the twins, Elrond, Arwen, many elves from Rivendell, as well as Galadriel, Celeborn and many elves from Lórien), nearly two months after the coronation. In the movies, the elves' arrival for the coronation seems to be a surprise. I don't care which version you write, but the story should be logical.

Unfortunately, your accidents and mishaps aren't convincing.
ladyoftherings56 chapter 1 . 3/17/2007
You guys should be ashamed of yourselves! How dare you call the brave and incredibly awesome elf warrior Legolas leggie! You guys bring shame to Lord of the Rings! leggie is the most stupid name ever invented by any human being! I bet you're wondering why I'm so ticked about the name. I'm a fan of Lord of the Rings and calling Legolas leggie is just contarded!

I hope I was clear and that you will learn never to nickname a hero like Legolas, leggie.

p.s. I read one of your reviews on "An Elf at Hogwarts"
sister kitty chapter 6 . 3/20/2006
Right, now I'm logged in...

I am intrigued - never worry about the problems with the language, the simplicity keeps me hooked and wondering what will come next!
Earthbender2010 chapter 5 . 2/19/2006
Key and Zori: LOVE IT! LOVE IT!

Key:ABSOLUTELY!

Zori: COL!

Key and Zori: CANT WAIT FOR MORE!
Pentangle-linnon chapter 3 . 1/29/2006
I am quite impressed with this considering this is your first fic and English is not your native tongue. You have some very nice phrases that show you have some real talent. Try to find a beta if you can; they are great for catching the little mistakes we all make when we get so used to looking at our work we don't see them anymore. I would never post without one, because I need it!

Anyway, good luck and I'll be interested to see how this story developes; it has a very intriguing premise!

Pentangle
mangolady chapter 2 . 1/25/2006
Very good, for your first fic!

"Mary-Sue" is a general fanfic term for a beautiful, usually evil or ditzy or stupid (or any combianation of the three)girl or woman who usuall ends up trying to seduce the nearest male in the general vicinity. In LOTR, Mary Sues are usually aiming for Legolas )You want to avoid creating Mary Sue characters as much as possible, unless you are making fun of them...

I hope this is helpful! Update soon.
Misty005 chapter 1 . 1/24/2006
Quite a good story - I'm looking forward to the next chapter!