|Reviews for Lion King III: In the Barelands|
| WenWen chapter 3 . 4/24/2009
| luglove chapter 3 . 1/26/2006
Hey! i really like this story so far! keep up the great work!
| Ptikobj chapter 1 . 1/24/2006
That was pretty good.
But your words didn't really flow right sometimes; they were a little bit plastic, but that can't be fixed 'just like that'. This sort of thing, I think, can only be fixed with time- a shorter time if you read some good books, practice frequently, and accept all opinions of your work. So you might want to try those things.
There's one other thing that really stood out for me: you seem to be confusing "than" with "then." "Than" is used to compare things, and "then" is used to set something in the right point in time. Here are some examples:
"She loaded the surfboard on top of her car, THEN headed back inside to get the other things."
"They said that his painting was better THAN hers."
See? Remember that, the next ime you use one of those two. Easily misplaced, I know. Just work on it.
| Spiderleg chapter 3 . 1/21/2006
Hello! I'm tlkfreak002! Great story so far, just one suggestion, you tend to use "said" a lot, but then again, I use it ocassionally...
Tata for now!
| Bittersweet x chapter 3 . 1/18/2006
Aw, that's sad :( Poor them.. great job, Zira being alive.. update soon!
| Bittersweet x chapter 2 . 1/18/2006
This is A LOT better than your other story lol.. I like it A LOT better! Great job and update soon!