Reviews for Love Hina: Immortal Flame
StormBrisingr chapter 4 . 7/4/2011
Interesting premises all around, and I'm only about a quarter through your story. But time for a nice, long review. Bad stuff first. This story seems slightly cliché because of this prophecy and some hidden power only a select few have. I can survive with that. But what really bugs me, is how the Phoenixes, Keitaro and Takeru, are so over-powered. It just grates about how you mention that there is no muscle atrophy and Keitaro can just jump up a whole bunch of stairs carrying Naru (though that scene was rather cute 8D).

Then, we have Takeru, who can beat up Motoko and make it look "easy." All that super-power-ness just makes this story so... dull. All the girls in the Hinata-sou suddenly seem like weak, pathetic, damsels in distress. Meanwhile, we have the mysterious enemy about to attack so obviously, Takeru and Keitaro must be the sanctimonious heroes who say to those people they want to protect "Go away, you're just being troublesome." Especially Motoko, and she's presumably the strongest, most well-trained out of the lot. It seems like you're trying to put her down to make Keitaro and Takeru that much stronger.

And now, the good stuff. I like how you build upon the idea that Keitaro's "immortality" means he's a Phoenix, so it's not coming all the way from left-field. I especially liked the waiting scene where we see, er, *read* about how Naru is waiting for him to wake. It's so sweet and I especially like how she does have a moment where she admits that she was "looking at another guy" or something like that. But her loyalty to Keitaro brings her back.

I also love your descriptions. Ex. "It no longer held the sterile white, but shone with the hues of blue and violet." Your choice of words were very effective, rather than saying something boring like "clean white", you're using "sterile."

I hope this review wasn't a bother to read. And I can't wait to continue and see how this'll go. ;) Hopefully, you haven't given up on it, since it doesn't say that this story is complete and the last time you updated was two years ago... XD Well, time to read some more.
Samhan chapter 16 . 10/6/2010
i like it
Detective Leon Orcot chapter 16 . 10/15/2008

SionLeonheart chapter 16 . 7/27/2008
This is a great story with alot of potential, however I have seen a few small issues with it. Nothing too horrible, just a few issues with paradoxes. You should read back over it every now and then. You might see them as well. Anyways, keep up the awesome work _

3 Thumbs WAY up there.
Kampretzz chapter 16 . 7/22/2008
An EPIC story i say. A great work. Truly a story of an adventure.

Please update it, can't wait for the next chapter, and the end of the war.
kidcrud chapter 5 . 12/7/2007
yeay it great
RedPBass chapter 15 . 2/15/2007
Very cool story, I like it.

Very unique, compared to all the other apocalyptic LH stories out there, good job. I'll be looking forward to updates.
Rasputin the evil monk chapter 3 . 1/18/2007
Despite the Kei/Naru pairing, I can say this is good. Actually I can't see how I missed this story.

I am going to enjoy reading the rest of this, if you write another story remember no kei/naru bullshit.

Sorry for not finding this story sooner, and hope the lack of reviews are not discouraging you from writing.

If you want a story with lots of reviews write a good naru bashing story, those are popular.
tru7h nd 0rd3r chapter 15 . 1/13/2007
Nice work!

I'm glad to see you're still writing this and you're doing a great job so far, especially with characterising Takeru this chapter. Keep up the good work, and in particular, keep writing. It's rare to find actual pieces of Love Hina fics nowadays that don't fall into the same tired and overused areas, so to read this again is of a relief.

On a side note, I'm a bit curious as to why you gave your fic an 'M' rating. I've read through it, and believe me, there's nothing here that would justify such a rating. Hell, I usually see much, much more in other fics, and yet, those carry only a 'T' rating.

I don't know if it might help or not, but I recommend changing the rating down to a 'T'. Unless you have a reason for keeping the rating at 'M', I think your story is more than safe enough for a 'T'. The nicer side to doing so would be that everybody will see it when they visit the Love Hina section, and won't have to switch the sorting options to 'All'. In doing so, you might be able to solve your lack of reviews problem, since more people will see it by default.

It's just a suggestion. And again, I don't see anything here that would make the rather restrictive 'M' rating necessary. Even if there is, moderators are lazier than shit and probably won't do a thing about it.
Spiderzero chapter 14 . 1/12/2007
Hey! nice to see you writing this again it's looking good soory about before and i'll rteview every new chapter keep up the good work

-Best Regards

RAW19 chapter 13 . 1/11/2007
most excellent.
ace8488 chapter 12 . 11/27/2006
Hi, i just found your story, and i must say that i like it. It has flair, and carries an aura about it rivaling the most legendary of tales. It has that authentic feel about it, like how i want to say that its "Like something from a storybook" which doesnt make much sense. Most stuff i read on is just junk, it may be good junk but it still feels like junk. This story is one of the few that i could see as a book. It stands on its own two feet, as in it doesnt make many direct references to the Manga or the Series, it is its own story. I can sympathize with the feelings of denial, that is why i havent put any of my stories up on this site, i am still working out the kinks in them. My only request of you is that you finish this story. I dont care if you have to dig through the garbage to get the next couple of chapters, just finish the story. I am one of those people who hate to get into a story, cause i need to see how it ends, i dont care if keitaro dies next chapter,... well, yes i do, but it would be better than you discontinuing this story due to your anger at your own misconduct. Good Luck _
Lanky Nathan chapter 1 . 9/26/2006
Still gona update?
Drekk chapter 12 . 8/14/2006
ah don't beat yourself up over this

every author goes through something like this I did and I felt silly afterwords for doing it

I joined here because I love to write stories each one is an adventure that I would pursue if I exsisted there regrdless of genre or type

do not beat yourself up over this learn form the mistake and go on realizing that what matters the most is that you are writing for you not for reviews

the same thing goes for flames

If you worry about getting flamed you will make a mistake and get flamed

all I can tell you do not worry about them you are the author and they are the reader they do not have a say in how your story unfolds unless you want their opinion

I say this from one author to another

enjoy writing it frees the soul and lets it spread it's wings to soar through the unending sky
Unchained Silence chapter 12 . 8/10/2006
Its all cool. Dont worry about it. Keep up your writing it made me come out of my long silent spell to review. Something that I ain't done in ages
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