|Reviews for Father to Daughter|
| HueyFree12 chapter 1 . 9/10/2013
This is so sad. Too many people died. :'''''''(
But it was really well written! Awesome job!
| Bia Benson chapter 1 . 1/26/2012
Owww God! I ever read so good like that...
*tears* I cried so much... :(
| klaine.destial.caryl.OE chapter 1 . 6/28/2011
awww, this was so sad, TEAR. Omg poor Olivia, poor Cragen he died too, but then again he killed someone. Your an amazing write, and i loved the part about the job. I was a pretty story pretty sad pretty loving. :) Amazing job.
-Detective Olivia Benson-Nypd-
| ilysvu chapter 1 . 11/11/2009
This is the first story that has made my cry. You have a gift.
| unimportant1 chapter 1 . 3/30/2007
WAH! This was so sad. *sniff*
| Dark Charmer chapter 1 . 2/20/2007
OH my god you are awesome this made me cry... keep it up!
| i.have.an.idea chapter 1 . 2/13/2007
basic punctuation really needs a good once over...
Okay, you have something really good going on here... but it needs some clarity. Your idea is very good, it could just use a little cleaning up. Here's a thought: the run on sentences in the beginning were distracting from the mood I think you want to create. Things just seemed thown together and strung out forever. Way too many commas, I think. Also, some of the wording could also probably be redone to keep the focus, and set the tone better.
I really like the outline of what you have here- it's very good. I like how you say things casually, alerting the reader that what you're saying is well known news, and should not be a surprize. Like Elliot being her husband, and the love Don has for Olivia. I love that she went to him after her attack.
I think you should clarify, just by like another half sentence why Don feels its his fault- he says it is, and he wants to take her place, but for example, if he were to say its his fault because he couldn't save her or protect her, it would highlight his grief and the responsibility he feels without it just being random and emo sounding.
The switch the what we find out is currently happening is great. The last sentence of the reflecting paragraph was not so great I think, and could be rewritten to make Dons actions seem more appropriate (that word doesn't really apply, but I feel like you could say something different that would make the reader feel like this was a vindicated action out of deep love, respect, grief and rage, not like a choice he made years earlier that he followed out of appathetic obligation).
It is unlikely that someone with Don's record would recieve the death penalty, assuming he shot the guy or whatever... if he did it in any sort of way that could be even slightly defended... eg. going to arrest him and shooting him... however, if Don's vendeta included him seeking out the man and outright murdering/torturing him in a completly inexcusable by police cover situation, then it is possible. Also, it is unlikely he would get the injection quick enough for him to say "tell my squad I'm sorry"... You'd think things might have changed enough, like the the squad splitting up over the traumatic events, and new people there... however, i can see that Elliot, Munch, Fin... they will *always* be Dons squad.
Also, I am perfectly willing to forgive those two things that could seem to be weaknesses, because the point and scene you set up were powerful- I wasn't expecting it 'til the man questions him.
The "with a needle in my arm" almost seemed a little too dramatic... I mean, the needle's in for emphisis, but after it's in he's asked that? come on... it should probably be slightly edited to run more along the lines of 'and with a needle about to be inserted in my vein.
Don't words about going to be with Olivia and all seemed cheesey... but I used to be around death alot, I'm probably overexposed and cynical there... and I understand that Don would have been saying every sylable heartfeltedly (lol, that is not a word! I am commenting on how you could improve your story and I am making up words! haha).
Just so you know- that I have taken this much time to write and long, detailed and probably annoying review proved I was very impressed with your writing, not that i didn't like it. the crap i read i don't even bother to comment on, and if i comment something caught my eyes... but this all means i think you're onto something, and your writing is worth something, and i think some things could just be made better. so keep it up.
| ad1616 chapter 1 . 1/1/2007
This is a really late review considering you wrote this over a month ago, but I was just looking at some of your stories. They're so moving! This was a really intense one and I absolutely loved it! You're such an amazing writer!
| CharmedOneToo22 chapter 1 . 1/29/2006
I'm sorry but Cragen wouldn't do that. He'd beat the shit outta them though.
| Ma Vie et Mon Choix chapter 1 . 1/25/2006
Awe...that was so sad.
| charmed1818 chapter 1 . 1/23/2006
Aw! That was soo sad it made me cry! Great job! :)
| Writerbitch92 chapter 1 . 1/23/2006
it was so sad. and yet it was great i loved it
| Nascargirl05 chapter 1 . 1/23/2006
wow..this is really good. Good job.
| Inara Cabot chapter 1 . 1/23/2006
(bangs fists on desk repetedly)
IT WAS JUSTIFIED DAMN IT!
i was so upset when i got ot the end and read where cragan was! oh my goodness i had tears!
well okay not tears but it was moving.
| Saint New chapter 1 . 1/23/2006
I liked this, it was sad. Kinda hard to read though. It says Chapter 1, is there more? If so, please continue.