Reviews for Renegade Weyr |
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![]() ![]() ![]() Nitpick: "where able" - "were able" Nice chapter. N'kar's got coming now. Uff, being told off on an empty stomach ... |
![]() ![]() ![]() Interesting., I wonder how you're planning to work around McCaffrey's "You can mention my characters but not have them in a scene." rule for this one. (Might have been much easier to have had him be from another Weyr.) Nevertheless, keep it up! I can't wait for the next update. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I've enjoyed how you developed each character as you went along. In some fics that I've seen, the writer will dedicate the best part of two paragraphs describing what their character is like, and I get so impatient with techniques such as that. Better to develop gradually and naturally, as you have done. Thanks! Anyway, until you update again, I can't say much else. Hope you continue to enjoy writing! All the best, Rachel |
![]() ![]() ![]() This chapter is a brilliant start. I just realised that I haven't reviewed this story yet, and so while I'm supposed to be doing English I'll rectify the problem! Your narrative not only flows smoothly, but I couldn't find any mistakes that spoiled the effortless phrasing. Some of the names are a bit of a mouthful, but they add a slight spice to it all! I'm off to read the second chapter now, which I hope will be as promising as this. All the best, Rachel |
![]() ![]() ![]() Sigh: N'kar isn't the first man to be neglect his duty due to his infatuation for a lady and he won't be the last either ... The negotiation strategy is the oldest trick in the book, too: swoon the seller by flashing cash ... Good chapter despite the above. |
![]() ![]() ![]() You're back! Whoot! Great capter, though the thought of Dragon vs Dragon. *shiver* And, yes, N'kar should call in the members of his Wing at the very least. Bad brownrider. I look forward to more! |
![]() ![]() ![]() I can see why its hard to write, well wirtten, good inaction, and good background. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Before I review let me get this off my chest: If a new chapter is so long in coming that I have to re-rerad the the story when it finally arrives then the intervals between updates get too long for my liking! And no - I am not blond ... This is a good chapter without if's and but's. Chess on Pern surprised me but then why shouldn't they have it? Even with all the needles of sickness they have been threading over the millennia of Pernese history it could have well survived. Only thing is that it may have changed somewhat during that time ... To answer the question of a previous fellow reviewer: Bayhon is N'kars borther-in-law. So N'kar and Elamth still have a crush on Kayta (Kai) and Lysith, respectively. I am sure that this will eventually cause to reveal the existence of the hidden Weyr to the rest of Pern. So when I re-read the story now I found a reference that the Hidden weyr is about 450 years old - has this anything to do with Lessa's Ride? Has the hidden weyr been an ace-in-hole left by the Oldtimers in order to make sure dragondom survives (Benden Weyr did that, though)? And what would happen if the Hidden Weyr would just reveal tself - after all it is a pretty normal (if smallish) weyr (with a very small economic base)? Surely revealing themselves would not bring dragon to fighting dragon? Or is there some kind of so-far-unmentioned terrible secret to the Hidden Weyr? Questions over questions ... |
![]() ![]() ![]() What's the Bayhon? A week's a sevenday. Also, I've noticed a lot lately that people have exported chess to Pern in a lot of Fics lately. Is there support for that in the books? I need to reread the chapters, it seems. I somehow forgot that N'kar had heard of a hidden Weyr. I thought they just suspected rebel riders. I do wonder that his brown Elanth couldn't tell that it was a fake green (that any of the dragons had been unable to tell) in fact. After all, the books go on about the strength of will and mind of gold dragons. (And with that, I'll freely admit that I'm suffering from a lack of sleep and am probably more nit-picky than usual as a result.) I look forward to the next chapter and the time I will be free of projects long enough to read everything in one go. Keep it up! (I'm sure my questions will answer themselves on the reread. Well, except for the chess thing. I need to look into that.) |
![]() ![]() ![]() Well written, good action, and good background of the areas, I understand. I wait for the next chapter. :) |
![]() ![]() ![]() Brilliant, as usual. Still wondering how the Gold can be kept in line so easily, though the Rider certainly doesn't seem to be the sort with too much backbone... More of out favourite BrownRider, please! |
![]() ![]() ![]() I remember the prologue, and remember you posting this at the OKT many years ago. I also recall being slightly disappointed that you did not update it. I'm happy to see you are moving forward with it. I like the concept - why is there a Weyr that has been in existence for 700 Turns...yet no one knows about it? Why did they not come forward when Benden was the Last Weyr on Pern? F'lar certainly could have used their help during the first Threadfall! These islands that they are at - are they the same islands that dragonriders exile criminals at? The story is very well thought out and executed. There are quite a few minor grammatical errors, but nothing that a beta wouldn't catch. Or even running the story through grammarcheck. Can't wait to read more. |
![]() ![]() ![]() This is an interesting tale: a renegade weyr at least 700 turns in existence - but why? Why does a renegade weyr exist? Why is it renegade/ hidden/ unknown? How did this happen? Is that a religious/ politcial/ economic thing? Questions over questions distracting me from the storyline. The characters are detailed and the dialogues are good. Please keep updating. I'd really like to see where this will end up. |
![]() ![]() ![]() to bed you do not update it is a great story so far :) please update very soon thanks Nintschi |
![]() ![]() ![]() LOVE IT really good |