It's I would like know which Wyer is it? I know there is a RP Wyer on an island in the Easter Sea is this a story line for it?

Very good story with a twist.

Writing-wise I picked up a few gremlins, but a beta should sort that out. Overall, I think you've got a great concept here and it's good to see that you're putting so much thought into the piece. I wouldn't leave too much time between relooking a piece but there is some sense in giving it a small break between rewrites. A fresh eye always picks up bits and bobs you didn't notice before. Looking forward to more instalments.

I like the idea of a secrect weyr but the problem of hiding it would be a challenge not only if a rider and dragon died but what about mating and hatching? I'm guess there is going to be a romantic pair between n'kar and the mystery woman. I have a feeling her friends are not who you think they are.

I have to say that I found some of this confusing and some well-done - a real mixture :o) You could do with re-writing the prologue, I found it hard to follow exactly who was speaking to who and when and who the deadglow was; was it Malena or the other one? Needs a bit more "flow", it's quite jerky in places.

Also not sure if I missed something, perhaps I didn't read in depth enough (bit of a skimmer sometimes) but in your authors note (which you're not supposed to post as a separate chapter, by the way!) you refer to "Seven Dragons and its current situation" - what are you talking about?

Some of your dialogue is good and some is awful. Pern doesn't use words like "friggin" - it would be "sharding" or "by the shards" etc - sorry to sound nit-picky but dialogue is something particular to 'fic especially if you're writing based on an established series. Also, the censure that N'Kar apparently feels he receives for getting someone pregnant is not the feel I get for the Weyrs, where being sexually active or even promiscuous isn't particularly frowned upon, in fact it's just part of life when dragons are proddy.

However, it's interesting and I'd like to know where you're going with the "green who isn't a green"...

Just needs a little more thought and it could be a very very good piece of writing as opposed to average.

what happened to Kayta?

look fwd to reading more.

Very intriging, can't wait to see where you're going with this. Best of luck writing the next chapter!

Oh, I love it so far! I can't wait for chapter 4!

Very exciting so far! You've done a good job of capturing the culture and even the language patterns, which is quite difficult to do.

The concept is unreasonable. The first time one of their dragon's died, everyone would know about it.

this is a great start, I can't wait to see where you go with this. The characters are varied and believable so far, I'm definitely going to put this one on my alert.