Reviews for The Zenith
Italian Empress 1985 chapter 94 . 6/23/2009
I kind of like them all sleeping in the same room, it has the pleasant camaraderie of a sleep-over to it. Gosh but I remember those from when I was a teenager. Though I do wonder at someone waking up in the kitchen to knock their head against the table or the counter. :p It makes me wish they could have had Solaufein along so he could experience a human city, but I suppose his time will come eventually.

I’m glad to see Fritha finally begin to question that voice, as I really cannot believe it is ‘her’ I’m much more likened to believe it is Bhaal or The Taint that is acting like it is her friend, that of her own consciousness. So it is nice to see her stop trusting its advice so readily.

Her ‘Santuary, Sanctuary!’ at the Temple of Oghma made me laugh. The hunchback of Notre Dame she is not. :p

Imoen is whistling at Valygar, she’s not shy at all about her attraction to him is she? That cute little sprite! :D

Anomen’s love for Helm and the church was touching and I enjoyed that section greatly, as well as the brief section with Renal and Fritha where he likened her to a daughter he’d never had.

-*-” You expected something else?’ she sighed, ‘A keen desire to live, perhaps? It is there Anomen, but I can barely feel it under all the anger –I can barely feel that under the great churning void.’ She turned away. ‘You cannot understand.’

He smiled faintly. ‘Oh, I do. It is the same feeling I get when I look at you.” -*-

Ooh, drama! Then of course they get interrupted . . . Again. Doesn’t that always happen.

Bodhi DID take Anomen. Hmm, I think perhaps there is still some feeling left in Fritha . . . Aww man, this is gonna bite the big one, no pun intended.

Really REALLY anxious for the next chapter. *bites nails*

Great work as always. :)
Italian Empress 1985 chapter 93 . 6/23/2009
-*-”She was like the sun, so bright and good, bathing everything around her in light!”-*-

This would seem like a tad much, and going into the realm of Mary-Sue-ism, but I remind myself this is spoken by a tortured man who is in love and then perhaps it is not so heavy handed.

-*-”I never thought I’d be happy to see another forest after the Cloakwood.”-*-

I LOVE that, a call back to your first story, and continuity is something I hold dear.

I really think when Fritha gets her soul back that there is going to be an emotional melt down of sorts in her. To me it seems rather like being desperately thirsty, and then with your first access at water, instead of wisely taking small sips you down a whole canteen in a large gulp. You are out of breath, light headed and feeling a bit ill from too much water down a parched throat. I think Fritha being emotionally hollow is like a thirst, her soul is water and when she gets it back it’ll be in a big breath-stealing gulp . . . Which can prove a bit much to handle all at once.

-*-”Light flimsy-looking things that withstood a lot more punishment than their thin frames would have suggested.”-*-

Isn’t that how it always is with Elven made things? In Lord of the Rings it was that strange bread, that didn’t look like much, but one little bite kept you well sustained for quite some time. Unless you are a constantly-hungry-Hobbit of course. ;) Say what you want about elves, but they are wonderful crafters, of weapons, armors, fabrics and even food.

-*-”‘Careful there,’ Imoen giggled, ‘language like that once I’ve my soul back and I’ll be in a dead faint.’”-*-

Hah! That sounds like the kind of gag comment Imoen would make with Lil, in my story. Yeah, that’s Imoen alright, Miss Purity. *snort*

-*-”Anomen could no more play a lady false than he could eat his own considerably deflated head.”-*-

Harry! For shame! But that was funny all the same. :p

I really like the Valygar/Imoen thing you have going. I’m sure the ‘newness’ of it has something to do with my enjoyment, but I also like the match up of so ill suited a pair. A nobleman and a commoner, a practicing mageling and a man that hates magic. I hope you continue on with it.

Aww, the end was very sweet and it was nice to see Nalia again. I was not ‘incredibly’ fond of her character but it was nice to have her reunited in some fashion with Fritha, and ‘bitter’sweet as well.
Baldur's Fan chapter 94 . 6/13/2009
Ah, life at Casa Delryn. Doesn't sound like it's a happy place right now does it? "Had it really been a month ago she had sat on that wall opposite and laughed with Anomen, brim full of an affection so long in the denying? She could barely recall the moment now, let alone the feeling." Aw, poor Fritha. It's so sad, that reminds me a lot of Irenicus' line later about not having the memories with Elesime. But she can't end up like that! I like Anomen now! Now when I hear the name Anomen I don't make a nasty face and go "what an idiot", instead I smile!

The Fritha Imoen friendship continues to impress me. I know being a sister myself that that sisterly bond is stronger than almost anything, even if we do get in fights sometime. When you say something out of frustration or anger, especially when it comes out of just caring a lot, you are really hurt and want to make it better like Imoen did. That part where she was so upset worrying about Fritha was so touching to me because it was so believable.

'Rescued' by the thieves guild, that's a nice twist. I've always been pretty fond of the thieves myself; my first char ever in BG1 was a thief. :) Your Renal is a lot better than the annoying one in the game. "You are changed, yes, but I can see her in you still –the young lady who once so charmed me with her guileless determination. And if, at the end of this, you feel you have forgotten her, then come back here. We can take tea and talk, and I will endeavour to remind you.’" He's actually really nice.

" He had never been in a group of such drama before now" Haha, oh no you haven't Valygar, you really haven't. I'm so happy he was there for Imoen and helped her feel at least a little bit better. He and Anomen are sort of alike in being more reserved and each (maybe in Valygar's case) liking a wild Bhallspawn. Hee hee, good times.

"She turned away. ‘You cannot understand.’

He smiled faintly. ‘Oh, I do. It is the same feeling I get when I look at you.’

And, for a moment, she was staring right at him, the first time since the asylum had destroyed what had been between them, her eyes alive and burning in that pale mask of a face." And then everyone had to go and ruin the moment! ARGH! That was so good, I thought the last line was especially well done. It made me kind of happy in a way, to know that Fritha really wasn't all the way gone. Oh Anomen, I hope you can keep being so good to her. It's so sweet that he's not abandoning her and he still really does like her. 3

I loved the bit of banter right before Bodhi showed up. It was really good so I felt I had to at least briefly mention it. _

Oh my gosh! Anomen! I was wondering what you were going to do with the vampire/Bodhi abduction thing because technically Fritha and Anomen aren't together. It was kind of funny when I read it because about two lines before they said "where's Anomen?" I was like, "where's Anomen? He hasn't said anything in a while" Haha! But back to the point, NO! This stinks! Though it makes a great story. :p Bodhi might have made a bad move though, because this'll probly fire up Fritha a lot more. When they do try to bring him back if he has been vampire-ized, darn that's gonna be tough to carry him and all his stuff over to the temple!

I'm so excited about the next battle! I can't wait to read the next chapter!
yellieisarobot chapter 93 . 6/11/2009
I think I read this entire story in like, a week haha. I love it so much, it's one of the best stories I've read in a long while! You've got such a good grasp on the characters and Fritha is just amazing- I've never gotten so attached to a character in a fanfic before lol. And oh my gosh, your Anomen is fantastic- I've always had a soft spot for the ol' Knight but your characterisation makes him seem so much more likeable and even though they're v. different, he and Fritha seem perfect for each other! So er, I hope you understand when I say, "GROSS SOLAUFEIN :(" haha

Cannot WAIT to read more!
Baldur's Fan chapter 93 . 6/8/2009
Aw, thanks for the mention at the top of the chapter. _

Those elven sages were so obnoxious. Is it wrong that I was hooping for Fritha to maybe snap a bit and just deck one?...I still think it's cool that they can kide a whole huge city like Suldelessenar (gosh I hate spelling that, I always get it wrong)

I'm sad Solaufein won't get to go with them, I hope you keep him alive though! He and Fritha have such a good connection that I feel goes deeper than those she has with some of the others. They've both gone through things that only the other can understand. And I like how he thought the star scar on her was cool, haha! Ugh, Anomen, go away! We were having quality Sola/Fritha time! I'm sure you'll get her to yourself the next 5 chapters or something. :p

How am I supposed to decide who belongs with Fritha now? You're making it so difficult! Hahaha! I love it!

As for Anomen, "So I will continue to press my concerns upon her, because, selfish though it is, I prefer to see her spitting venom at me, than that drained look she gets when she is left alone, like she has already given up.’" Well I guess that addresses what I was talking about in one of the last chapters. I guess that's why he's not leaving her alone. Kinda like he read my mind and knew I was going to ask why he wouldn't, haah.

I'm glad that Aerie and Imoen are friends now. I bet Imoen would really get into the drama stuff with Haer' dalis too. I wonder what she'll think of the theatre and all that. I can just see her trying to get Valygar to put on a costume or something. :)

"Oh, just one of my old books. It’s a romance of tender beginnings, standard hardships and the obligatory happy ending- I’ve read it twice before now and each time had me in tears from the second chapter.’" Oh I hope that is how this story will eventually map out! And another great Jaheira and Fritha scene, so good. "‘That it is lost to you now, does not mean it has departed for good.’" Lines like that get me every time, very touching.

The reveal to the group was really good. AH! We don't havea lot of time left do we? They'd better get a move on! Ooh this is going to be really exciting! I don't care that I might've sounded like the biggest dork in the world saying that, haah!

Oh snap! They're going to go visit the keep. Whe! But uh oh Fritha doesn't want to go. :( It'll probably be really sad for her...Now that she's dying and lost her soul stuff's bound to be a lot different. "‘You do not know what you ask of me, Imoen. None of you do.’" :'(

Oh thank everythiung Delcia's not there, I'm sure that'd go over well. "Well Fritha';s actually a Bhall spawn-" *cue Delcia dying in a faint*

Noo! Lundav you stink! You're ruining everything! And you have an annoying name! Hahaha! Poor Fritha! Having to see Nalia seemingly happy and all while she's gone through so much. But damn, Nalia moves fast! Haha, how long has it been again? Aerie doesn't care though, I can totally see her wanting to be a bridesmaid!

They should have an Idea's dead party. Fun for everyone! Boo can wear a little party hat! AWW, that would be so cute.

Talk about awkward family dinners, that one was just ROUGH.

" For all his faults, Anomen could no more play a lady false than he could eat his own considerably deflated head.’" Haer'dalis eternal Lundav.

Thank you so much for working in Nalia into the story one more time! I was really hoping you would, and you did, so major props to you. _

Oh I was so ADD in this review, but there was so much stuff to talk about! I hope you were able to get through it all!

I can't believe we're so close to 100 chapters now, wow! To hold such a high quality for so long is incredible. We're so lucky you're such a dedicated author who hasn't randomly quit or abandoned the story. This is the most beautiful story I've read on this site, and I'm eagerly awaiting more of it. Thank you for writing. _
Baldur's Fan chapter 92 . 6/8/2009
Even when the whole group bickers over a decision, it's kind of nice because they're sort of like a good family or something; they're only doing it because they care about each other. I love that about the,. Oh and I loved this line, "Yeah, well, Mistress Adalon can just fu-!’" Thank you Imoen!

Jarlaxle kind of reminds me of Saemon, they're both so slimy! Ugh!

You are so good at this writing business; you're making me develop soft spots for all these characters I never really cared for before! Solaufein! And woah, I did not see that twist with Fritha coming! I was reading so fast after that to find out what happened! I was really happy when Sola came back to help! Aw, he's a good guy.

"She nodded matter-of-factly. ‘Yes, I am a dwarf, of course. Fritha: a proud member of the Stoneforger clan.’" LOVED that! Hahah! And I also loved Solaufein's reaction when he saw Fritha, how could you not?

Sorry this review is so short, it's just that the chapter was so exciting I had to race through it and couldn't mark as many things I wanted to talk about.
Baldur's Fan chapter 91 . 6/8/2009
Phaere is really too far gone, isn't she? It's really sad, actually. "I was shown, in complete clarity, the weakness, the pathetic, hollow lie that is love!’

Fritha sent her a contemplative look. ‘You did love him, didn’t you? No one who had never been in love could hate it quite as much.’"

I hope that Fritha doesn't end up the same way Phaere did, but I don't think she will. Her response was enough to show that, I think.

"Valygar in the chair next to them, while Imoen herself was curled on the floor at his feet, her head resting on his knee. He did not seem to mind, in that he had yet to move or push her off and perhaps he felt it too, the comfort in the closeness of another, whoever they were." AWW! I am sorry, they are just too cute together!

"On the sofa, Aerie was shaking her head ‘Fritha is as sane as she ever was.’

‘That is not saying much,’ muttered Valygar. Jaheira sent him a stern frown." Hee hee. I know I've said it before, but I have to say again that I lov ethat you haven't lost the humor in the story even though it's gotten much darker.

"Solaufein just shook his head. His knees felt suddenly weak and he sank back into the chair behind him." Poor Solaufein, he doesn't know the half of it yet!

Switching those eggs was always such a pain. I would swear I had done everything right and when I was running out everyone would turn hostile! Hahah! Luckily that didn't happen to Fritha and company.

"‘Fritha, what is it?’ asked Aerie" I bet she wished she could answer, "Oh nothing, besides the fact that we're all screwed now!"

Why does it seem any time they try to steal things, something goes wrong? Haha! This was interesting; I usually just skipped the Jarlaxle quest because 1) I was lazy and 2) I think the reward kind of sucked.

"He obviously thought the combination dashing; Jaheira thought he looked like a circus tent." Ok, that just made me laugh WAY too loud. _

Deirex's tower was really spooky, I thought the descriptions were really great. I'm glad I don't have to deal with illusions like that ever, it'd be so scary! I was kind of scared just reading it! I foudn it interesting they got through it partly because of that voice in Fritha's head. It's showing up more and more...

Imoen's had so many great lines, I can't possibly quote them all, but I just gotta say you've done an awesome job with her!

"‘Fritha, whatever has passed between us, you have to know that I still-" Oh Anomen, poor guy can't take a hint, or twenty. I mean, Fritha's so out of it due to the soul loss, he's not going t oget through to her now. Especially not before they're about to go into their supremely dangerous plan. Maybe someone should tell him to just let it rest for a little bit. I mean, at least wait till she gets her soul back or something, because you're not making any progress now.

Ooh, "Fake." That's gotta hurt. Nice point to jump off to the next chapter.
Italian Empress 1985 chapter 92 . 6/6/2009
I’ve tried making these reviews a bit shorter, because they were just getting TOO long.

-*-Imoen snorted. ‘If you mean someone nosy like me, then just say so.’

They shared a smile, the first in a long while. -*-

Aw! :D There’s hope yet. That thought is what bolsters me. I’ve gotten accustomed to Fritha’s doom saying (she’d get along great with Xan at this point :P ) But I doubt you’d end the story with Fritha dead and still without her soul. Not only is that not the way the game worked, but even taking into consideration your affection for veering from the game storyline (which I appreciate) I STILL don’t see that happening.

Considering you told me you’ve never read Salvatore, I’m even more amazed that you did such a good job with Jarlaxle. Wiki is hardly as reliable as it could be (with frequent mis-entries and what not) but the fact that you were able to get a good schematic of his manner and behavior from a description on Wiki is VERY impressive.

Fritha is a masochist, that’s her big secret. I KNEW it. ;) Though that was a clever way to get Phaere from her apartment.

-*-Fritha crouched down to where the body had been, slowly drawing a rope of blackened pearls from the charred remains of her armour.-*-

I don’t know why, but that particular line made me feel quite sad. I liked Phaere for her attitude, but she obviously isn’t a ‘good’ character in the moral-compass sense. Still that made me feel a bit melancholic.

-*-‘And what makes you say that? This form, you know, is but an illusion; I could be hideously ugly.’

Solaufein swallowed, unaccustomed to feeling so awkward; he had never considered that.

‘Well, are you?’-*-

I liked that bit as well. It is rare to see an ACTUAL ugly Bhaalspawn, though someone wrote a story with one once. Turned out to be rather good. It is also funny that something like that never occurred to him. Males. All the same, no matter what race they are. No offense fellas. :p The part where she told him she was a dwarf with a braided beard was also great. Ahh but I miss Fritha, the REAL Fritha.
Baldur's Fan chapter 90 . 6/6/2009
Looks like it's time to play catch up again, haha! That really seems to be my pattern, let the chapters pile up a little and then review. Sorry to take so long, but I'm glad to see you're getting more of the reviews that you deserve. _

I don't blame everyone for getting mad while they were in the illithid prison; I HATED that part of the game! Hahaha! In fact all of those tasks you had to do just annoyed me. Hm, a little bit of Valygar sticking up for Imoen, like it. I'm definitely cheering for them. I hope we'll get to see some more interaction between them soon.

"Fritha sighed deeply. ‘Oh, arse! Look, I know you lot are all hell-bent on revenge, but this really isn’t a good time for us.’" Hah! Sorry but that was just a great line. Soul-less Fritha does seem to get a lot of good lines, stuff that Fritha before would probably never think of saying. Shows really good characterization.

Side note - You do such a wonderful job with all the action/fight scenes. Those are probably so hard to do well, but you pull it off and it never feels like we're reading the same scene twice, so props to you for that.

"Imoen grinned. ‘You’re right, Aerie; how about it, Vals?’

Valygar choked on his wine, though whether from her wink or her nickname it was hard to determine." LOVE IT!

"Fritha laughed along with everyone else, shaking her head. ‘No, no, he was a little young yet for me –though his fiancée took quite the shine to Anomen.’

Imoen sent the knight a sneer. ‘By Mask, was she mad?’" And the great lines just keep coming!

Drow parties, great fun huh? I wonder why surfacers don't party like that too. That killing of the elves was so creepy and really sad for Fritha. Phaere's gonna go nuts when Fritha finally gets to betray her, I'm quite looking forward to it!

"Silence. Fritha was gazing up at her, the distance between them much lessened by their new forms and Jaheira could see her own image reflected in those pale yellow eyes. When she spoke her voice was softer than she had heard it in a while." So well written, and I always love scenes where Jaheira and Fritha get to talk. IT has to be hurting her so much to see Fritha acting the way she is after they have grown so close.

Fritha/Solaufein is an interesting pairing. He seems to fill a void for her that she really needs right now, and she seems to be opening him back up after he went through the whole Phaere situation. I think it's kind of nice, actually, definitely very well done in this story. I wonder how he'll feel when he knows she's a surfacer, if it'll change anything at all. Or if he'll actually stay with them once they leave; though that probly won't happen maybe he'll help fight Bodhi or something.

I love how long the chapters have been, awesome! I'm a really slow when it comes to typing out reviews though/. I'll try to get the next 3 chap reviews up as soon as possible after I read them. Great job!
Kalubi chapter 92 . 5/31/2009
Incredible story! I like your Fritha, who isnt perfect, but has some flaws and sometimes use more brutal uns dark methods to achieve her goals. Thanks to this she appears more human for me.

Im glad that Solaufein is coming with them to the surface. Romance between him and her would be great, since Anomen never was my favorite. But the story is yours and you have to decide with whom she will end up with. I would continue to read it even without any romance in it, the story is just that awesome.

When i was playing the game i somehow never thought about but loosing your soul would have a really great impact on someone. It was really great to see how Fritha changed from a happy going, and friendly girl to someone darker and always hearing this "Baalwhispers?" in her head. Very well written conversations and interactions between the characters in generall.

Keep up the excellent work and i hope to see/read more from you in the future.
Datakim chapter 92 . 5/29/2009
Just found this story recently. Very interesting so far. Your characters are believable and the story has enough of your own "touch" to remain fresh.

I like that you have made the loss of the soul such a big deal. I mean such a thing should leave one impaired and I think you have demonstrated that well here. I look forward to seeing how that develops and if there is any further influence from Bhaal.

The recent inclusion of Solaufein is also interesting. A view of the rest of the story from the POV of an "outsider" like drow might very well prove interesting. As might the potential relationship between him and Fritha. Are you planning on keeping him in the story? I find myself rather hoping so.

All in all I am looking forward to the next chapters and seeing how things develop. Is it your intention to do ToB too?
Italian Empress 1985 chapter 91 . 5/28/2009
-*-“Valygar in the chair next to them, while Imoen herself was curled on the floor at his feet, her head resting on his knee. He did not seem to mind, in that he had yet to move or push her off.”-*-

More Valygar/Imoen, even though it was just a smattering, I’m really liking this. Keep it coming! :D

Oh I do hope she takes Solaufein with her! As I’ve mentioned more than a few times, yours is thankfully not the Sola of the mod and therefore I’d really like to see your take on him being amongst the surfacers and of course the possibility of a love triangle is there. Though I’m not overly fond of love triangles, if done right they can be quite entertaining.

It WAS Jarlaxle! I had a feeling. However I don’t think it is very likely that Fritha would know he was a Baenre. ‘Very’ few characters would be privy to that information.

-*-”You mentioned you had a similar rope to mine, one taken from a sahaguin.”-*-

Ahh, I had an inkling that Fritha slipped up when she said that earlier.

-*-”With my eye out for revenge and all that.”-*-

I love how he’s all nonchalant about that, I can almost hear him sounding bored as he states the obvious. You did a good job with this canon character and it wasn’t over done. As I mentioned before, cameos are frequently cheesy and take away from the tale more than add to it (unless it is story, like a comedy, that isn’t meant to be taken seriously) I try to use less well-known canon characters specifically for that reason, but you did well. Kudos! :D

That stuff in the lich tower was freaky, like a funhouse from a horror movie. I was sufficiently weirded out by all of it, so good job! :D

-*-”I’d hide it right at the back of my drawers, stuffed inside a pair of old stockings.”-*-

Gosh but I missed Imoen, and it isn’t until I read lines like that I realize how much.

-*-”Fritha, whatever has passed between us, you have to know that I still . . .”-*-

Aww. :*( If Anomen winds up all heartbroken, I think “I” will be heartbroken.

So now one of the eggs has ‘fake’ written right on it? Oh gee, that’s nice. *rolls eyes*

On the plus side, I’m all caught up! :D But I have a feeling things are going to get VERY complicated in the following chapter. Is this maybe where Sola steps in to help? As I recall from the game, he was the one to help the party present fakes to Phaere.
Italian Empress 1985 chapter 90 . 5/28/2009
Aeroplane edit? LOL!

‘Dagger of the Mind’ sounds like one of those ‘intellectual’ serial killer movies.

I’m still waiting for Fritha to realize that voice inside her head belongs to an entity separate from herself. Right now it seems she isn’t willing to give it much thought. But that IS a large part of what is making her behave so awfully, it is not just that Irenicus ran off with her soul. Now I could be wrong, and that voice really could be Fritha’s inner psyche, but there are just too many instances where it sounds like The Devil worming His way into her confidence and making her think she is a god, forcing her to reach for that status and furthering her to move away from her friends when she needs them most.

-*-”Scores of milky white brains suspended in the putrid grey liquid.”-*-

Again, it has been some time since I played the game, but I thought it was just one BIG brain. In the Dark Elf Trilogy when Drizzt Do’Urden is captured in an illithid city, that is what the Hive Mind is as well, just one large brain.

The jaunt in the illithid city here was short and to the point, which is good I think. Other authors can sometimes extend the action for just a tad too long. Which can cause reader-boredom and we wouldn’t want that.

I like the light flirtation between Imoen and Valygar, they are so opposite in many ways. But that makes it interesting and she brings out a side to him that I didn’t think he had. I hope you continue this little side romance.

-*-“Now, Fritha, petal, there isn’t anything you can do for him- Fritha- Fritha, no!”-*-

That section of dialogue especially makes the voice come across as a separate entity instead of her inner self. Who knows. I guess I’ll find out.

-*-“Fool! Don’t do this! You’ll kill us all!”-*-

Though if the voice continues on in the above vein, it might lose it‘s hold on Fritha. Which would suit me just fine. ;) It was nice to see here that Fritha does still have ‘some’ limits on what she can tolerate.

I’m not sure why the comb Phaere gave her (though I love the flirty gift giving between them) would have a rising sun on it, drow HATE the sun. Maybe it is ironic humor? ;) The comb itself is nice and hopefully it isn’t made out of adamantine, or else it will turn to dust when the sun touches it, eventually anyway. (Hence the irony) Because I can see the item as something Fritha might keep to remind herself of how lost she became when she finally regains her soul and sense of self back.

The talk between Jaheira and Fritha was heartwarming really and also very melancholy. I just cannot wait until Fritha has her soul back.

:-O That ending was MOST unexpected. It made me feel pretty wretched too. She just gave up her virginity for the sake of getting rid of it, like it was the last bit of life left in her and that Soulafein did not notice that made it even more sad.

One more chapter left and I'll be properly caught up, though I imagine you'll have another one ready by then. ;)
Italian Empress 1985 chapter 89 . 5/25/2009
I had a good laugh over Aerie swaggering about like a drow. I must admit I can’t really picture Aerie looking convincingly lecherous towards anyone. I just don’t think it is in her but it was funny nonetheless. :p

-*-“The man wearing that familiar low-browed frown as though he was having permanent trouble fathoming his surroundings.”-*-

This was a good line and I think it describes Solaufein quite well.

Fritha almost has a masculine lilt to her portrayal as a drow, or I guess what one would call a ‘butch’ female. I can’t really say why I get this feeling, but it is just the little bits here and there that make her not come across as entirely feminine in temperament/behavior. It isn’t the attire, as you have described that as sexy and feminine by design but it is just the way she plays it. Just something I noticed.

I wonder if you are building a Fritha/Solaufein romance here, though I think if you did it’d be more lust than love fueled. :p I’d say that Fritha is too reserved for that but in her current state I’m not sure that is true anymore. I’m not against that idea, as your Solaufein isn’t a poetic sap and as much as I want to see Fritha and Anomen end up happy, a little competition never bothers me. ;)

Solaufein: -*-”Failure is death.”

Imoen: -*-“Your motivational speeches could use work, mate.”-*-

Hah! :p Though ‘mate’ seems like more of a surfacer term (unless used in ‘coupling‘ terms) Imoen is slipping, but that was funny! LOL

I like your Phaere here, she is short and to the point as well as coming across as flirtatious with Veldrin but not overly so. I think that would be the case whether the PC was male or female, drow are mostly a hedonistic race and would care little for gender restrictions when it comes to sex. In the game it was only males she’d offer to bed, but I have a feeling that was due to the programmers/writers feeling that to do any other would be a ‘sensitive’ issue. Ah well . . . I like her character as I think it is how Viconia might have turned out if she didn’t spend so much time on the surface.

Maybe it is just me but ‘Adalon’s betrayal’ didn’t feel that significant to me, more that the dragon just doesn’t ‘see’ as much as she lets on.

Was that drow merchant Jarlaxle Baenre in disguise perhaps? Ya know, I like that Salvatore character all right but I’m just not a huge fan of cameos. They feel cheesy most of the time, but who knows, you might just pull it off.

Hey, finally a place where Anomen’s snobbery has a purpose! :D Making him appear like a drow that was used to more interesting propositions. Both fortunate and unfortunate, depending on who is watching. :p

I’m a little perplexed by Fritha’s attitude though. She would have had no problem ‘laying with’ Anomen if they were on better terms, because she’d feel more comfortable without them having their own faces? I’d think that would make it worse, but you did speak of Fritha’s feelings of detachment earlier in the chapter. Still, she must be getting really bad if she would think nothing of lying with someone, since before her being virginal made her almost balk at the prospect. Unless you mean just lying next to instead of in the biblical sense.

I like how you show how violent drow mating can be, though you didn’t go into too much detail, but they really do like it rough. ;) Make out with you in the presence of company and then slap you in the face. Kinky.

Some of the Phaere / Solaufein dialogue sounds like actual lines from the game, but I don’t remember since it has been so long. A lot of it seems really familiar though, which makes me realize how brash Sola really was. Cheeky b*stard! :D

-*-”I know you travel with males, but it can become so tiresome . . .”-*-

I thought this line might have proceeded some advances from Phaere, but she suggested different males instead. Pity. :p

-*-”Has Haer’Dalis been teaching you long words again?”-*-

He’d hardly need to. Anomen practically holds a domination on fancy speech. Usually with that practiced air of self righteousness. Best he watch himself down in that ‘den of lusts’ or he’ll find his back all torn up from a snake-headed whip.

You did a superb job characterizing a vicious Matron Mother Ardulace, with whom pretty much anything you say would earn a reprimand. I applaud you, beyond a few physical incidentals, you are masterfully portraying the Dark Elf race. :D

-*-“He smiled, falling into step with her and exuding more confidence than likely possessed by all the merchants in Ust Natha combined.”-*-

I don’t know but this ‘merchant fellow’ just behaves a lot like Jarlaxle might and the guy has about a million methods of disguising himself. He’s the drow Jack of All Trades. I could be wrong, but it just gives me that feeling. Especially with the way ‘Jehind’ talks about Jarlaxle.

-*-”Yes, and the sahaguin I took it from is in no state to demand its return either.”-*-

Isn’t that maybe giving away too much information? After all, there aren’t any sahaguin in the Underdark, just that one passageway near that area. If they came from THAT direction, that’d be in the opposite direction from Ched Nasad, where they supposedly came from. *shrugs* Nevermind, I’m probably over thinking this. :p

-*-“The pair walked off to disappear behind the great stone pillar. A moment later, and Fritha returned quite alone.”-*-

Oh! Cold! But needs what must be done is done, they say. ;)

Aww, some Valygar/Imoen romance bubbling here. He still disapproves of her magic but I can see that censure waning.

-*-”Helm’s mercy; the girl he loved was dying before his very eyes.”-*-

:*( Such a sad line, it almost made me cry. Poor Anomen, poor Fritha too . . . but just poor Anomen. Speaking of crying, I wonder if Fritha and Imoen will cry when they get their souls back. Feeling nearly nothing, to suddenly feeling a rush of everything they ‘used’ to feel? Yeah, I’d definitely cry.

At last, the choice quests. I remember doing all three in the game and what a b*tch that was! It was more those pissy little gauths that got me, more than the beholders themselves.

Good chapter, still depressing considering what is going on with Fritha, but there was enough action going on that I didn’t focus on that too much and I recognize that is a necessary plot weave besides. Now I’m still catching up, so off to the next chapter! Tally Ho and all that. ;)
Dangerously Incompetent chapter 90 . 5/20/2009
This is without a doubt my favourite story on the site. You’ve taken the characters from the game and made them human. Everyone says it, but Fritha is a truly wonderful protagonist. She is my reference when I think of what a character should be like - flawed, but inherently likable.

I’ve always enjoyed the pace of the story, and more specifically the relationships. Taking the time to build something more than just another romance has definitely paid off as far as Fritha and Anomen are concerned. However, I was slightly disappointed about the situation between Fritha and Imoen. I felt it could have stewed a little longer before breaking. Almost upon being reunited, they were at each other’s throats. I would have preferred a bit more tension and subtlety before the inevitable arguments. That said, I love the whole situation. It’s heart-breaking to watch Imoen struggle to get through to Fritha.

And also, much as I dislike him, Minsc never says much. It’d be nice to hear a bit more from him, else he doesn’t really contribute much.

I always look forward to updates from you. Excellent, excellent work.
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