|Reviews for I'm Sorry Fool|
| Yabbit chapter 6 . 9/6/2011
story wasnt bad but honey, you need a good beta. good work and look forward to seeing more of your stories.
| destinationmirkwood chapter 6 . 7/10/2010
That was a VERY touching story, I was getting nervous when you talked about how much blood there was...
I loved how Murdock named the bad guys after Sesame Street characters, that definetly sounds like something he would do.
Great job, I really enjoyed reading it :)
Ta ta for now, IYD24
| Oustiti chapter 6 . 6/11/2008
Great story. Poor Murdock though, I bope Bert and Ernie got it back good. Lol by the way the Bert and Ernie thing's really funny. Imagine a villian I'm Ernie and I'm Bert, I think I would laugh at them more then be afraid.
| MG chapter 6 . 7/24/2006
I LIKE THE STORY JUST THE WAY YOU WROTE IT. ALTHOUGH ONE THING CONFUSES ME. THE BADDIE KNEW MURDOCK WAS A MEMBER OF THE TEAM AND HE SNATCHED MURDOCK FROM WHERE THE TEAM WAS HIDING AND HE DOES NOT KNOW WHERE TO FIND HANNIBAL? OR AT LEAST I AM ASSUMING HE KNEW MURDOCK WAS A MEMBER OF REALLY, OTHER THAN THAT, IT IS JUST FINE. COME TO THINK OF IT, THAT MAKES THAT BADDIE NOT TO BRIGHT. :) KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
| lauren hedgehog chapter 6 . 4/21/2006
'tis cool- this is your first A-Team fanfic, and the first A-team fanfic I've read :-) I can't really remember many of the characters from the show so I can't comment on your characterisations but I thought your writting style was fine and I liked how all the characters were included. Keep up the good work :-)
| IndeMaat chapter 6 . 4/18/2006
I liked the plot idea: Murdock being kidnapped and the Team going out looking for him. Although, if the bad guys had really known Hannibal Smith, they would have known they didn't need to torture Murdock for information. All they had to do was kidnap him and leave word they had him. Then they could have just sat around and wait for Hannibal to come to them. Or in their personal best interest: build a fort and wait for Hannibal.
There were a few things that bothered me about your story. At places there is too much description in it: pretty much every time one of the Team says something you tell what the feelings behind the words are. That's not bad in itself. Just, you do it too often. A lot of the time you were repeating something you had sad before, or you said the same thing but in different words. And, I already know these guys (and so do most readers here); I know what feelings they have behind the words. Sometimes it is just best to leave things unsaid.
Other times there was not enough description. Let's go back into that basement in chapter two. You tell me Murdock is tied up. You don't say anything about his clothes, so I assume it's his usual - slacks, t-shirt, shirt and leather jacket. A little later you tell me he is cut in his upperarm, punches a guy and makes a run for it. My question is: when was he untied and were his clothes taken from him? I mean: the guy would have had a though time testing the sharpness of the blade on Murdock's arm if there had been a leather coat covering said arm.
The van drives into the house and Hannibal tells Face to check on Murdock. Question: how do they know Murdock is being kept in that house? More specifically, know that he was kept in the basement? All they knew was that the suspicious VW was sold to someone on that address. This situation called more for one of Hannibal's disguises - his favourite method of going into places where people don't want him. BA can always park the van in the living room as a follow up.
Murdock was taken to ICU. I think you mean taken to ER (first they patch you up and then determine in which unit you're best off). I do hope that is not down a labyrinth of corridors. It probably has to same effect on the family and friends who stay behind. Nice description there.
As an addition to what others have suggested on spelling and punctuation: don't use brackets in text the way you did. You should have used hyphens in stead. They are easier on the eye of the reader. See how I have used them both in this review for examples.
In closing I'd like to say: practice makes perfect - or at least much better - so keep on writing.
| sparkycola1 chapter 6 . 4/5/2006
That was a fantastic story, and especially considering it's your first A-team fic the characterisation was brilliant!
I personally feel you could have hurt Murdock more, but I'm mean like that D muahaha.
I'm very glad it had a happy ending though )
Great story, hope you write more A-Team in the future!
| princess moon shadow chapter 6 . 3/27/2006
Love it! Want more stories!
| raysweetie chapter 6 . 3/27/2006
This was really good for your first time writing A-Team. You're do better as you move on. Just take your time and take it from me I know never rush the ending if you can help i think you made clear what you were trying to say. anyway like I said great story. You captuew BA and Murdock enaction together quite well
| ruby chapter 5 . 3/24/2006
hey update soon this is pretty good. thank you
| Poppyseed58 chapter 5 . 3/13/2006
I hope to see more soon. Great story
| JustReviewing chapter 4 . 2/18/2006
In your profile you said you weren't a good creative writer. I think it's the reverse with this story. You are an excellent creative writer; quite talented at that. The problem is your grammar and structure.
I don't think you need to struggle with this; you're not a professional...but I do think if you polished up a bit you could publish. So if you're interested, here's a way to think of improvement:
The eye of the reader is the key to immersion in a story. Sudden capitalization of Words jerks the eye from the Flow of the story. The reason for this is that we are taught Capital Words mean Importance. Proper nouns, that sort of thing.
Also think about using a semi-colon instead of a comma. It denotes a millisecond longer pause. A good way to judge this, as well as most grammar errors is to read the words out loud. I know, it's kind of daunting to do, but it works. For instance, your sentence "Murdock tuned him out, he wasn’t paying attention anymore." should really be "Murdock tuned him out; he wasn’t paying attention anymore." Why? Because you want the eye to pause on both sections, but only a beat.
A lot to take in, I know. Like I said, it only matters if you're interested in professional improvement. If not, just know that this is a good story and you're doing a fine job. I hope you keep going with this.
| Anonymous chapter 3 . 2/13/2006
I like the story so far! I really hope you keep going and please, please, please don't get upset by the following suggestions:
You should be aware of the difference between "new" and "knew," and between "there" and "their."
Please remember to put periods at the end of sentences (of exclamation points or question marks), and to use commas correctly with quotes, for example "...the gun," said BA.
You should be careful of randomly capitalizing words.
These are MINOR technical difficulties that just jerk the reader out of the story a little. The more important parts are plot and characterization, which are pretty good!
| ruby chapter 3 . 2/1/2006
this is pretty good keep it up.
| kelly chapter 1 . 1/29/2006
oh! Keep it up. I like it! this sounds like it's gonna be really good!