|Reviews for Standing By You!|
| Megi Keishii chapter 3 . 5/12/2007
I like it!
| nihongoneko chapter 3 . 4/26/2007
Oh, i can't wait to see how your version of makoto will react to ito-kun's suggestion! and did he have that name, ito narita, picked out before he met ito, or after? it seems so much of a coincidence!
| LightHawKnight chapter 1 . 8/10/2006
Itsnt it called Kenpo, not Kempo?
| Pumpkinjuice01 chapter 3 . 7/5/2006
You seem to have a pretty good start here. The plot appears promising, showing good signs to be able to grow as its own independent story but still be able to stay closely knit to the original.
Now, I do have some concerns over your voice in this story simply because it did change on some occasions. The first time I noticed this was the eighth paragraph of chapter one. You switched from telling the story in Makoto’s view (in other words through his eyes) to telling it in Ito’s view. It had been a nice flow up until that paragraph and then you continued the flow right after. Switching views from one character to another is alright if you do it at the right pace. For example, telling half of the story in Makoto’s view and the rest in Ito’s view.
Also, probably even more concerning was your switch of narration forms. You told the story lovely in third person but switched every now and then to first person. (please note: this was in the second chapter). This is actually a very bad thing to do in literature, it causes quite a bit of confusion for the reader. I suggest you choose the form of narration you are more comfortable with, which appears to be third person. (In truth there was only one book where I have seen switching of narration work really well, that would Pendragon, where every few chapters were told in first person were done so because the entire chapter was a letter but the chapters told in 3rd person had told the story of those reading the letter.)
Now I really enjoyed your descriptions of the characters even though most of us reading this most likely already know who you are speaking of. You physical and background descriptions allow people who have not read the mangas (and SHAME on them) to appreciate your story as well. However, I was a bit disappointed when I did not see that description come up during your dialogue scenes. Having a lot of dialogue is perfectly fine, it’s actually expected on manga fancfics because that’s how mangas tend to move forward (based more on speech then actions). However, what mangas can do that authors can not is draw how the characters emotions instead of describing them. Now, don’t get me wrong, your dialect was very convincing and fitted the characters like a glove but your dialogue and description should have a nice balance to them. I would have liked to see the emotional ranges of the characters. Especially when Makoto heard what school Ito was attending. (little surprised he was as calm as you made him sound, we didn’t see any worry about the situation until chapter two when he sees her again).
A better balance of description and dialogue may help you out later in the chapters with you giving both Mako and Ito the same first name. It’s a great idea keeping their names, if I remember correctly Emura had wanted to make them have the same names originally, but unfortunately her editor had been confused. You do not want to confuse your readers by doing this so try to find other ways to keep the characters separate. I think that if you added more description to your dialogue this should not be an issue. Also, if it does become an issue, you can use even more honorific to your advantage. For instance, those who don’t know Ito or Mako well would most likely use their last names to address them.
Wow, that turned out to be long. Sorry, but I’m kind of a tough critique. Don’t worry, I really did enjoy your story and really want to keep reading it. Well, hope to read chapter 3 soon. bye
| Senna chapter 3 . 6/16/2006
Well I have to say I really like . It puts a new spin on things. Well it's different anyways. Now I can finally read Something new! So now you can be happy that I reviewed like I said I would!
| NyxShadow chapter 2 . 5/23/2006
not bad, i like it. you really should continue writing it. it has potential!
| Windwater chapter 1 . 5/1/2006
You have more than enough stories to meet the requirement of a new Anime Subcategory. Why don't you ask for a W-Juliet catagory get your stories out of Misc. Anime? You and the other W-Juliet writers would definately get more traffic.
| Sieanna chapter 2 . 2/18/2006
Alright, time to do this. Get it done so you don't bite me head off _-! Ok...hmm...let's see... Ah! I really liked it, a total twist on the story. It's always nice to read different things. Cause reading stories based on the original story line get boring. Any way got of track. I liked how you had Ito and Makoto meeting under different circumstances. I look forward to the next chapter. So hurry it up!...Please!
| Ruusei chapter 1 . 1/29/2006
So is this fic going to be like the manga itself? It kinda seems like it... In any case, here's the one review you want before posting the next chapter, because I'd like to see where it goes from here.