|Reviews for Narnia: The Golden Age|
| Colette Tatou chapter 2 . 4/13/2008
I absolutely love your character of Susan. She so needed some more character development, both in the book and the movie. So you're providing it here!
I like the way you're justifying her feelings about missing home in the beginning of this chapter, with her brushing off her maids. Also, I love, love, love how you gave her a crush (Susan had seen him the day before, and she thought of him now with a blush on her face), she needed that so we can be sure she's human! :)
[I'm reviewing as I read, by the way]
And then I like the contrast between her and her sister in "Lucy’s unabashed favorite was...". It's very sweet.
I love how you put her inner thoughts so seemlessly into the narration: "Away, away, away from the castle. Further, further, further from responsibilities she did not want.
Home." That's beautiful.
"warm comfort of his strength"
| Colette Tatou chapter 1 . 4/12/2008
Your writing is so gloriously descriptive; it inspires lots of vibrant imagery. And as for the story, I can truly see it as a graceful, accurate continuation of the plot. Well done! I'll be reading more.
| JoyWatson chapter 7 . 4/2/2008
A wonderful story. It's the first fanfiction I read which has a scene with the Pevensie's talking about our world, in all the other fics they always completely forget it.
| ReviewsGalore chapter 7 . 3/24/2008
Story: 6.75/10. You have a lot of really good story ideas and each chapter has a fairly good flow, but this whole fic has no cohesive plot behind and does not even have any overarching elements to tie the individual chapters together. Neither does it read like a series of oneshots. I also think that some of the chapters, especially the earlier ones, don't seem to have a whole lot to say.
Characters: 7.5/10. Everyone is in character and you think of some interesting situations to put them in, but I think that you could go a tad bit deeper with the characterization. I also sometimes feel that the character interactions are a little stilted.
Creativity: 8.25/10. The overall idea has been done many times, but you have some ideas about Narnia that really expand upon the existing canon. I loved the part about the giants restraining the river being an issue. It is just one example of the type of creativity that I am talking about.
Writing: 8.75/10. You write very, very well. You have few mistakes and great descriptions. I don't know if I've ever said this to a fanfic writer before, though, but I almost think that you might have too much description. It isn't too flowery as I sometimes tell people - everything that is there works individually, but I sometimes feel like I am reading paragraph after paragraph of description without getting any story meat.
Believability: 8.5/10. In general, I think that you are very good at incorporating small canon details in a believable way. I'm not sure that I can believe that the Pevensies knew they would be going back to their own world based on their reactions, but at least you seem to have a reason for writing it this way.
Overall: 8/10. Nicely written fic with lots of good ideas, but I wish that it worked better as a whole story.
Professionalism: A-. Some notes would be nice, though they aren't totally necessary. I like the summary.
| floppyearsthebunny chapter 7 . 3/23/2008
So sorrowful this chapter ends, but very well written I must say.
Lady Irene is Sweet and quiet, a gentle personality that I love.
| Mercury Gray chapter 7 . 3/23/2008
I never thought that Aslan would have told them ahead of time that they were leaving Narnia; at the end of LWW they seem to not remember anything at all (or very little, anyway)about their old lives before they return to the wardrobe. Still, I kind of like this perspective; it's something different.
As always, a very good piece. Keep up the great work!
| Mercury Gray chapter 6 . 3/23/2008
I don't know how much you read into Lewis' writings, but I think you've incorporated the basic Aslan-is-Christ ideology into this work, and I think it's really interesting that you have this line that Lucy says, "I trust you" because there's a catholic saint who was given a prayer in a vision of Jesus that incorporates that phrase: Jesus, I trust in You. Sister Faustina, chaplet of divine mercy- you can look her up.
Anyway, back to the actual story. Another job well done! Once again, spot on dialogue. I'm a little confused about Arnaut, but maybe reading this over again will help. Looking forward to the rest of it!
| Mercury Gray chapter 4 . 3/23/2008
Oh, your dialogue in this chapter is golden! You write so well in that very high-handed, epic-romance style. But the prose between the speakers, telling how they speak or what they do, is sometimes a little frail. You might try strengthening that in later chapters. Still, an amazing little story; you've got me hooked.
| Mercury Gray chapter 2 . 3/23/2008
Actually, Women can be assigned their own coats of arms, they're just not displayed on shields like the men's are. They're normally displayed on lozenges, or diamonds. I've made a study of heraldry, too, and I have to say, you made a very rum run of it. If you intend to continue using the heraldic listings, might I suggest marking them in italics? It would make them a little easier to read. I'm a little sad you didn't mention the marshals of the lists, like the Bear in Prince Caspian, but that's a minor detail amid a field of others that you did very well. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this very much!
| Miniver chapter 6 . 3/9/2008
You did something in this chapter that I always wish Lewis had done in his books: show Aslan preparing the Four for their return to England and reminding them that he would not desert them even there. I especially love the way he tells Ludy that their work in BOTH worlds isn't over yet. This is the way I envision the Pevensies' calling. As for the rest, your characterization of Lucy remains wonderful, and it's great to see Peter again. Keep going! This is very enjoyable and heartening as well. Lovely work.
| Val Evenstar chapter 1 . 11/27/2007
Im so glad I found this fic! Your style is delightful, and I love the way you write Lucy! It's very in-character. Susan seems a bit too dry, perhaps, but other than that I have no complaints! Can't wait to read the rest.
| Miniver chapter 5 . 11/25/2007
This is completly thrilling, and it continues to be gracefully written as well. The characters carry forward wonderfully from previous chapters. It's great to have Lucy as the center of a really adventurous tale for a change. But you can't leave us here! Write the next chapter fast, so we can find out what happens to Lucy.
| acacia59601 chapter 5 . 11/24/2007
Wow, I was almost afraid that you forgot this story! Great chapter, I can't wait for more, I want to see how Lucy manages on her own in Tashbaan.
| elecktrum chapter 2 . 7/6/2007
Oh, this chapter made me so happy for Susan! NOW she can embrace her role and with a greater understanding of what it's like to be lonely in a crowd or faced by seemingly impossible expectations. Aslan was so beautifully written, too, inspiring and sympathetic all at once.
| elecktrum chapter 1 . 7/6/2007
Oh, this was wonderful! I could feel Lucy's delight and excitement for myself as she went about her first day as queen. And what a day! It was jammed full of new experiences and adventures for all of them.
Everything about this was a joy - the characters, the dialogue, the descriptions, the action. Susan has my sympathies for not being able to relax and enjoy their new rank and place in Narnia, but I hope her hesitation fades and she can embrace her role as a queen. I loved every word! Bravo zulu!