|Reviews for Coming For You|
| lembas7 chapter 1 . 7/26/2007
Ok, your summary was very intriguing. I feel like this story has a lot of potential, and I'd like to offer some constructive criticism about how to improve.
The first thing that threw me out of your plotline was that you mixed verb tenses. You started off talking in the past tense (was, were) and then in the next sentence, but the same story time period, you switched to present tense (are). It was definitely confusing.
The second thing that I noticed was that you said "wouldn't of" and what you actually mean there is "wouldn't have". When people speak, it sounds like "wouldn't of" when they say "wouldn't've" done something - that's just a shortening of "wouldn't have" into a conjunction, which can't really be done in writing but is done all the time in speech.
These are two really common mistakes, easily fixed if you keep your eye out to correct yourself when you write. The best advice I can give you is to find an enthusiastic beta, or even just throw the story at a friend for a good check. It can be hard to show your writing to someone in person, though, which makes the internet beta-finding a better option. Good luck!
| AmesLuvsTheMetallicar chapter 1 . 11/23/2006
wow. that was deep.
| Sila Ninque chapter 1 . 2/7/2006
Ooh, I like this one. Very deep. Nothing is quite so powerful as a mother's love for her children. Good work, once more!
| LostandAlone22 chapter 1 . 2/5/2006
Ooh, that was good. Please write more.
| Ghostwriter chapter 1 . 2/5/2006
Oh, I'm sorry for your long day. This was great. Probably what they're goin' for in the series too. Awesome job. Catch ya on the flip side.
| LeahBlueEyes chapter 1 . 2/5/2006
certainly different in a differently certain sort of way...
| Sensue chapter 1 . 2/5/2006
That was really interesting. Intrigued. I think you should continue it.