|Reviews for I survived Order 66|
| 0SunShadow0 chapter 1 . 5/16/2014
I like this story but you really need to add space in between paragraphs. Also try to describe your characters/surroundings more.
| Foolish-comic-dude chapter 1 . 4/21/2006
this is great, please write more
| Firefly4000 chapter 1 . 3/9/2006
awesome story please continue and yes Aayla is cool! so's Bariss and Etain lol
| HardToScare211 chapter 1 . 2/5/2006
Short. Good, but short. Maybe add a little more. And add some paragraphs:-) I love Aayla, too. Good story
| Phlooty chapter 1 . 2/5/2006
As much as Aayla rocks and as much as i love her to death and stuff, I’ve got some criticism.
You need paragraphs. Really bad.
So you start a new one whenever:
a) Someone new is speaking.
b)You are describing something/someone else.
c)Your characters are doing something else.
d)Time has passed.
a) "Are you an angel?" Anakin asked.
Looking up, Padme said, "What?"
b) Qui-Gon had shoulder-length brown hair, which was streaked with gray. He was a tall man, powerfully built.
Obi-Wan, his apprentice, was shorter. His dark hair was cropped in the Padawan style, with a braid behind his right ear.
c) Padme finished watching the small figure of Sio Bibble.
Turning and seeing Anakin, she said, "Are you alright?"
d)"I'm not sure," Qui-Gon said, cutting of the transmission with a sigh.
The next morning, the morning of the podrace, was a hectic one.
So this is what it should look like with paragraphs (I'm taking this from a Star Wars comic, and I can only remember the quote... so I made up the rest. O:) ):
Aayla flipped her lightsaber off. "I'm sorry, Master," she said. "I over-shot."
Quinlan hid a smirk. "You over thought."
Aayla didn't hear his comment and quickly ran up the hill, eager to have a look around the planet.
It was sandy and dark, full of caves and crevices. The three suns cast oddly shaped and deformed shadows where the peaks of the caves stood, and wind twirled and twisted the sand into funnel cloud shapes.
"Be careful, Aayla," Quinlan said, coming up behind her. "Use the Force. Sense the presence of these fugitives."
There are many typos and grammatical errors. You might consider getting a beta...
So other than that, I love it. I hated to see Aayla die, too.
Oh, and I think she only had two lightsabers in the Battlefront game. Not in movies or books or anything...
| ZombieSquirrel chapter 1 . 2/4/2006
This is good and very interesting i would like to see more (not to be mean or rude it could be longer) and don't forget that Secura has two lightsabers!