Reviews for Undivided Attention
machievelli chapter 1 . 6/5/2012
Supposed to have been posted 2 July 2011, at and the Coruscant Entertainment Center in my The Critic's Two Cents. but I had problems with my computer, and flaked on attaching these reviews to the original story threads for the last year. Everyone say; 'Mach is a flake, Mach is a yo-yo'. Better yet (Waves hand) 'Mach is trying, but he's still a flake'.

Some of the work I read is what I consider professional class. These are marked as Picks of the Week. Go to to find the best of the week.

TSL aboard the Ebon Hawk: Bao Dur has to jolly the Exile out of her mood, but that comes with it's own price

The piece is short but the characters portrayed are true to form. The aside that Iridonians have their genitals 'somewhere else' was fun, especially her attempts to find them after her groin attack did no damage. The ending was just too choice.

Pick of the Week
Layana Danare chapter 1 . 3/4/2008
Haha, that's so cute! Bao-dur/Exile paring is one of the best of the uncommon pairings.
Luveykat94 chapter 1 . 6/28/2006
Hee, too cute. Can I just say I'm with you on the Bao-Dur thing? He's too smart not to be totally hot, and the horn things *sigh* , forget Atton and the other wierdo, Bao-Dur is just plain perfect :D
Cable Fraga chapter 1 . 3/10/2006
Very fun! I really enjoyed it! :)
I am no longer available chapter 1 . 2/8/2006
"The Exile opens her mouth, and Bao-Dur just leans forward and presses his forehead against hers." Um... OUCH! ;)

Fun little moment you've captured. So where are Bao-Dur's genitals? Or maybe he doesn't have any... which would be too bad don't you think?

Tenses were sometimes confused... Were you going for present tense or past tense...?

Ciao, BaM
Nitesh chapter 1 . 2/6/2006
I love your Bao-Dur fics. Thank you for this one!
Alexandra3 chapter 1 . 2/6/2006
I have to admit that I was wary of BD/Exile at first, but I think you did it well and now I'm starting to think that the pairing has potential! I have to agree in that I wished it would have been a bit longer and more fleshed out, but I think you did a great job with it as it was. And of course, Bao-Dur's impromptu anatomy lesson was nice touch, hehe. Good job!
Trillian4210 chapter 1 . 2/6/2006
Now that's a feisty little version of events! I love that B-D/Exile interaction, although this B-D seemed more playful than the one I remember. But very likeable nonetheless.

This was a totally unexpected twist on the challenge and very imaginative.

This line...She kicks him between the legs. He winces, then smiles at her even wider than before. “You know, that really hurt – or it would have, if I was a human male and my genitals were located there.”

LOL! But just so you know, in the fic I'm doing for you, B-D's got the same anatomy as a human man (wink wink) :)
Dante-Raven chapter 1 . 2/6/2006
This was actually pretty cool. I found the little relationship between Bao and the Exile a little humourous. Ah, I feel bad for the Iridonian-he always seems to get stuck in one situation or the other. Great job-I wonder what other one-shots from Trill's forums you've got in store. :P
VaguelyFamiliar chapter 1 . 2/5/2006
That was too funny! I still have the giggles about Bao's mysterious genitalia.
Kendoka Girl chapter 1 . 2/5/2006
You have a wonderful sense of humor and whimsy. I enjoyed the character interaction too.

I also thought it could have been a bit longer to flesh out more of their personalities and I wanted to see more of the GO-TO issue.

It has a nice level of energy and I certainly got a good laugh.

Good writing and thanks for posting this.
A Delusional Person chapter 1 . 2/5/2006
Nice story yo. I can't say writing my own has been an easy adventure, but hard to write when time and peace of mind is hard to come by.

Anyway, I'm not one for constructive criticism, so here goes...

It could of been a little longer, but I don't think that it needs to be, nor do I really want it to be longer, it's pretty dang good where it is.

I really liked the part about 'kicking'. Personally, I think Bao Dur is really thankful for his alien anatomy.

You captured Bao Dur's personality real well, caring, sometimes humourous, all that.

Though you got me confused though about one thing, what kind of armor is she wearing? I mean, Jedi robes aren't exactly armor reinforced. It is like Jal Shey Initiate armor or something?

Bao Dur is right though, human girls are strange.

Anyway, I wrote this at two in the morning, please, forgive any spelling errors, slight rudeness, or stupid sentences that may of found their way in there.