You lost me when Nodoka suggested that Ranma live as her daughter, which is absolutely out of character, and when Ranma failed to object, which is absurd.

I'm still hoping for Ranma/Kira.

Homonym errors: (go to dictionary dot com if you need to)

Attend vs. attained

Shudder vs. shutter

i dare ya to bring back saffron and have phoenix boy help ranma... after all... they are both red heads. and um... hehehe. isn't there like a curse that turns people all male hanging around? just wondering.

kick ass story so far, and loving every moment of it, i hope theres a nice fight sceen between ryoga and soun and genma (aka tweetle-dee, and tweetel-dum) I think it would also bbe cool to make it a fuku fic, but thats your call hehe. I also wonder how ranma will explaine to his, or would that be HER mother that shes a princess lol and ways take care and keep up the good work

Jya Ne

You have a problem, using words that sound like the word you actually should be using. This is something no spell-checker can catch.

And though I don't know where things are going in the story, getting your ears pierced is a committment: the piercing studs or earrings should be left in for several months, and tended to prevent infection. I'll grant Ranma a greatly-enhanced healing ability, but he-she should still leave the studs in a week or two, unless he-she wants the piercing to heal back up and go away.

Ellen

Well. I finished. i'm undoubtedly impressed. There are many gramatical errors though. And FAR too much dialogue for how much description there should be. I'd like to see less quotes and sometimes i have to re-read sections to find out who said what.

I hate that.

You have a random assortment of general errors that comes with the trade. Forgot a period here, didn't capitalize a name there. No run-on sentences fortunately... heh otherwise i might've stopped. I TRULY hate run on sentences.

Other errors. Let's see... OOC is one of them, obviously. You can't completely avoid that in the "Ranma becomes a girl" genre. I personally think Ranma would be a little bit more pissed about losing his male form. Also, I think it would have taken much longer for Ranma to be subdued. (Killed a Pheonix God remember?) Not exactly something to be scoffed at. Considering Ranma's experience with Ki I would assume that she would devise some way to counter the ki absorbsion of her enemies. Perhaps finding a way to revise Hinako's "Happo Five Yen Satsu" And absorb her own ki back.

There were other problems too. Group efforts should include the entire group. You left out many. The senshi were imprisoned somehow but it never said that they were rendered unconscious, so where were their screams? Where were their reactions to thinking Ranma was dead? Where are their reactions to Ranma's revival?

Where is this taking place? The school? yes? Where are spectators? Running we should hope but that was never mentioned.

It's a very good fic with a good start. Yes, a start. You really aren't very far into the story considering all that you've set up. They have a power up and a crown (that I am going to assume is actually a tiara but Ranma wouldn't know that word.) I'm worried that you will drop this. Please don't as the plot is fantastic.

I kinda hope for a Ryoga/Ranma matchup. Even after saying all this I feel that i've left a bit of constructive criticism out... it's one of those nagging feelings in your gut that you get when you know you've forgotten something.

Perhaps it's just my want of another chapter.

[x] Add author to my Author alert List

A fine start to the story though like you said it has minor grammer mistakes/spelling. for instance "martial" artist, which you did correctly later on. other minor grammar mistakes it was don't take me word for it i probably made more in my stories and i'm no expert i just catch these things.

This was edited by innortal? he did a lazy job I hate to say. In the first sixth of the story i've found no less than three blaring errors. Great story so far but still.

She was wearing a red silk Japanese style shirt and black pants as a blue aura pulses around her as she began to run at neck-breaking speeds.

You wrote this. It's a missuse of past and present tense.

"She WAS wearing" but later you write that the aura "Pulses" in the same sentence. it should be pulsed. Also this sentence doesn't fit together. I can see you're trying to provide a good description but generally what she's wearing and what special effects around her would be seperated into a different sentence. I personally would seperate them into a different paragraph.

It's feel not fell. You did that in there somewhere.

“Ranma has to unite the schools.” Genma

“Right, Genma!” Soun

I assume that innortal place corrections after this. you deleted his corrections and failed to insert words like "exclaimed" or "agreed" or "stated". A rather blaring problem my friend.

Martial artist. not Marshall artist.

Excessive dialogue with little description. Don't overdescribe but don't leave it out completely either. Play around with it until you find how much you prefer. Seeing quotes at the begining of every line is dissatractive. (To me anyways.)

so I can marry you all and have you listened to my majestic poetry.”

you mean listen right?

Excellent chapter. And if you decide to put them in fukus I think they should be a lot different from the lame conventional Sailor Senshi fukus.

Getting interesting. I look foward to more.

How is Ranma going to survive if she now has less energy?

I think it would be an awesome Fukufic! However that is upto you! Whatever you decide will be cool to me! Is Ranma becoming a complete Girl in this Fic? I was just curious! I like Onna-Ranma fics. I like Otaku/Onna-Ranma Fics, I like Fukufics! I'm sure whatever you decided will be awesome! Keep up the good work! Please Update Soon!

Sincerely,

AshK

Well done, still loving it.

sweet

It's a moderately worthwhile piece of fanfiction that could only be so much better if you would improve your gammer and spelling.