|Reviews for Missfortune and Mishap|
| PhelpstwinsandElftwins chapter 8 . 11/27/2006
cum on i luv this story update 4 me
| iluvfreddy chapter 8 . 11/25/2006
no!1 dont end it please!1 (makes puppy dog eyes) ur story is great cum on giv the happy couples sum kids (winkwink)
| Summers-Wind chapter 7 . 3/15/2006
The guys and their egos (rolls eyes)! This is awsome! No complaints, can't wait for more!
| Nanners-77 chapter 6 . 3/3/2006
No flames allowed? My ass.
Seriously, man. Get some creativity.
First of all, it really pissed me off that you had "no flames allowed" because, that is basically saying "my story is perfect, and I don't need any criticism" which is bullshit for even the best writer on this website. You're here to write things to readers, and we're allowed to review things to help you get better, no matter how harsh you feel they are. Take it for granted, and don't whine. Anyway, that aside, let's take a look at the technical side of this.
Your spelling is absolutely..ugh. I think you used words that you probably don't know the meaning of. Get a beta, or proofread. You can't just write a chapter, and be done with it. Make sure every spelling error is corrected - especially the mistakes you made. that's the smaller side of my review.
You need a better plot. This plot is so boring...I actually didn't enjoy it at all. Yes, the story had it's...moment, but only one and that isn't a good thing. The days in this went by so fast, it was slightly hard to keep track. I don't even think I understood the first chapter fully, because...it was just all so confusing and in so many different places. TAKE YOUR TIME. I can tell you about ten stories in this section alone that are almost exactly like this one. Get a good idea! You don't always have to write about cliched things that have to do with make-overs and admission of love. It's so boring, and overused. Luckily, your chapters were of good length. Take that advantage you have and put some spin on it. If it helps, what I usually do is take a certain CD with a lot of meaningful lyrics and listen to it constantly, and while I'm either silent or alone. I get a lot of good ideas for plots using that method.
Lastly, try and put some more detail into it. You had a TON of dialogue, but it got boring after a while. You're allowed to have things unrelating to the characters, you know. Focus on the surroundings a bit. For example, you could have added what the Freddy felt like AFTER Katie made him have that erection. You could have put what Katie thought, and what the whole feel of that room of girls was like. You could have described what the room looked like, etc. There's so many options.
Anyway, I hope that helps a bit. You're already off to a rough start, I suppose it's better to end the story off well, than begin it all over again.
| JusttxJaycie chapter 5 . 2/27/2006
OMG...You have to keep going! I love this! It's awesome!
| xXxGothic-GurlxXx chapter 4 . 2/24/2006
kool that is so funny
| SexLovingJonas chapter 4 . 2/22/2006
PLEASE WRITE MORE!YOU ROCK!
| luckycharm04 chapter 3 . 2/21/2006
aww Freddy gots a crush!
| EveSkies chapter 2 . 2/20/2006
“You do know that this is all your fault?”
| xXxGothic-GurlxXx chapter 2 . 2/20/2006
| Xborn chapter 1 . 2/11/2006
This is great! KEEP UPDATING