|Reviews for Persona|
| Surrealijah chapter 1 . 8/15/2012
This piece had shown me beauty in restrained emotions, and there is vivid imagery, which I love to the hilt. Somehow the third to the last paragraph is one of the shortest, and yet powerful. I love these two's pairing, so i was a little giddy when there are suppressed affections in the end. It is philosophical, and true to the in-game nature of the two.
One of the few treasures of SalehxEirika fandom. Kudos!
| heavenlyhuntress chapter 1 . 6/22/2008
that was SO PRETTY
| sagewolf chapter 1 . 9/18/2007
Woah...that boggles the mind in places, but I get the feeling it was supposed to do that. It forced me to read it twice; the message is a good one. We can't be constrained. I was the only girl in my elementary school to play trumpet; now I'm the only girl in my year to do Engineering. (Or to not do Home Ec) I think that's a good example, actually; I deviate from the beaten path, but it IS the beaten path.
I really did enjoy reading this. It was good. One thing; when dialogue crosses a paragraph, you open the quotes, don't close them at the end of the paragraph, but you have to re-open them at the start of the new one. So effectively, you're opening them twice. I'm pretty sure; I only saw that happen once, so I might be wrong.
| ffnaru chapter 1 . 2/20/2006
Sorry. I had to read this over a couple of times; the words refused to sink in the first time. IB is starting to get to me, I tell you. Bloody people say that you don't really "read" something the very first time - you have to read it several times before you actually READ it. (Did that just make ANY sense at all?)
WOW. This was excellent. I love how you demonstrated Valega and how Saleh and Eirika bond over this. And the underlying message is very, very true. You must have put a lot of thought into this piece, and it shows. (And, if you didn't, well...it's still cool anyway. :D) You also have a talent for describing things very well, which is something that I can certainly not do to save my life. I envy you. :3
Bottom line, though: this was great. Write more pieces like this!
| Pureauthor chapter 1 . 2/19/2006
Your descriptions were what first leapt at me when I first read through the entire story. You appear to have a knack for describing things.
Yes, the message in here speaks to all times. Social castes exist throughout life, and while necessary in some ways, it can be soul-destroying in others. The relationship between Saleh and Eirika speaks of a close, mentor-ish friendship, which holds true to the canon. Good job!
Now, what I don't like: It's a very nitpicky detail, but your paragraphs tend to go on for quite a bit, and this is slightly distracting, and disrupts from the story. Try to space your expositions out a bit more, and the story will be that much more enjoyable to read.
Good work, please keep it up.
| Lemurian-Girl chapter 1 . 2/17/2006
Nice piece of work. Very nicely written, and it fit Saleh's character well. Now, I feel like I should give at least some critque as my part of circle.
Grammatically was the only thing that really bugged me. After some careful reading, I noticed alot of improper usage of commas, semi-colons, and colons.
"He mumbled, and stared out the window with a flat expression, and a pure wish in his mind" There should be no commas before the "and" unless the part following it is a independant clause. I'd suggest something like, "He mumbled as he stared out with a flat expression on his face and a pure wish in his mind."
"Every little piece of being was unseen, unheard, unfelt, tasteless, odorless; all constructed in different ways by natural..." That should be a comma, or even a colon, instead of a semi-colon. Semi-colons are really only used to join two independant clauses. In this sentance, you used a colon in the way you would use a semi-colon, "Her mind could not explain the unexplainable: she saw the world coalescing in front of her and flying out and stopping like a star burning through the sky."
Still, it's brilliant as usual. Very descriptive and entertaining. Nothing less than I would expect from you. :)
| CrossoverQueen chapter 1 . 2/17/2006
This is the second time I've read this, and I was a tad horrified that I didn't review this the first time-Saleh's my favorite character, and I'm glad to see that people are writing him as the central focus more.
I especially like your interpretation of Valega and how Saleh and Eirika bond over it, and how you have Saleh state the truth but not be fatalistic.
Your portayal of the men and women of Caer Pelyn is actually leaning towards the mindset of Wicca; women who hunt or use weapons are called the daughters of Nada Kuya, and the women who give birth to warriors who still (I assume) act like women.
"He saw one world where truth ran free, where woman sought their hearts’ desires, including the notching of arrows into the bow, the slinging of pelts, the construction of homes, the forging of blades. He saw one world where truth ran free, where men cried and released the binds of their heart, and admitted their weaknesses and wrongdoing, and held empathy where once such empathy was considered weak and lowly."
This quote is especially true for Wiccans, and although I'm not sure you know that the whole concept is traced to Wicca, I'm glad to see that you've written it like this.
| Wandering Cat chapter 1 . 2/12/2006
Wow, very nice! You must've put a LOT of thought into everything, and it all came together very smoothly...Really good job!