|Reviews for What really should have happened in S4|
| e.d chapter 2 . 7/16/2006
you have to write more, the idea you have here of Adam having a son is great. If you're going to have the characters pair up in relationships, though, i'd stick with the way the show was going.
| Falconwolf3 chapter 2 . 4/4/2006
Please tell me a update is possible, I hope so! I understand the not having time for anything, I'm in college and besides writing essays, I get little time to write fanfics, or sleep for that matter,lol
| Falconwolf3 chapter 1 . 4/4/2006
Wow, now that is a killer first chapter! Great job!
| NewMutant2 chapter 2 . 3/24/2006
This is really good so far. You're going to continue, right?
| Dark Mirage1 chapter 1 . 3/2/2006
Standard English, spelling (at the very least, use a spell checker to catch the obvious problems), and punctuation are your friends.
Proofread...please...just because you see other material littered with problems, doesn't mean that that is standard usage. For anyone who reads a lot of published fiction, a text with a heavy load of problems is distracting to read. They will not be paying attention to the story or to the characters.
A small amount of care goes a long way.
dominion headquarters::Dominion should be capitalized
Shalimar’s eyes glowed yellow, she sensed some one approaching.:: "," should be ";"
“Brennan over there”::is this supposed to be "Brennan's over there." ?
“How do we know that” Lexa said defiantly.::needs a question mark after 'that'
“Oh I know more then your names JESSE”.::comma needed after 'Oh', and names should be name's, indicating the contraction for 'name is'
He exclaimed “I my name is Alex I have been told by Adam to come and get you”::He exclaimed, [eliminate I} "My name is Alex. I have been told by Adam to come and get you!"
& there is more, but this is all I have patience for...except, please, 'u' is not standard English for 'you'.
If you think I'm tough, send something to a real editor, or deal with a competent teacher. My advice to you is to go through what you have written, line by line (I do this with my own material) and carefully fix problems, then re-post. This isn't fun, but it is a significant portion of learning to write well. Re-writing is a major part of writing.
| sydney chapter 1 . 2/16/2006
it is really good please write more
| bohemianbabe chapter 1 . 2/15/2006
another promising start for you!
now the most important thing is that you develope this! like i say, we'll talk soon as i can!
| m chapter 1 . 2/12/2006
good begining... is there more?
| lexakane chapter 1 . 2/12/2006
this is really good you should built it further
| melodie568 chapter 1 . 2/12/2006
really good job i like it. i think you should write more of this story