|Reviews for The Kid|
| Merlynnod chapter 4 . 12/7/2006
Okay, this story seems to have died...which is unfortunant because it was rather interesting... But anyway, Plague responds quickly and actually pretty easily to modern antibiotics if it's not too, too horribly advanced. Plague just about wiped out Europe in the middle ages because there were no antibiotics...now it is not terribly threatening as long as it's found relatively early. It's also not that uncommon, especially out west. It lives on the fleas on the rats and then the fleas get onto people's pets, and then onto people, and then people get bitten by the fleas...etc. etc. ;)
So...Cuddy wouldn't really have "just doomed the state to illness and a very likely death". Just felt the need to clear that up... :)
Anyway, story was fun while it lasted! :) Would love to read more, even if it does seem to be dead. :(
| blankityblankityblank chapter 4 . 3/9/2006
Holy jebus. O_O That's...not cool.
| Rose103 chapter 4 . 2/26/2006
Breasts you could eat a 3 course meal off of? That's awesome writing! Keep it up.
| asdfasdfaasdf chapter 4 . 2/26/2006
This alleged plague, is it going to be like the black plague which was caused by the bacterium Yersinia pestis, or are you bringing on a new illness? Plague is not the name of a disease, it just refers to any infectious, fatal, epidemic disease. Doctors cannot diagnose the plague, they first diagnose what the illness is, then when it starts spreading all across the country killing millions of people, they call it the plague. Unless, of course, this was being spread before the story started and you never made a mention of it until now?
| asdfasdfaasdf chapter 1 . 2/26/2006
Did you purposely make Little Miss It look like Harry Potter? Otherwise, nice story.
| magical trever chapter 4 . 2/26/2006
O i'm ticking all fouor boxes on you! your now on all my lists lol. this story has made me ROFL somany times now, i think its great. i can't believe how little reviews you had! people just need shooting, right? awesome story, do love it. and what was going on with the boxers? lol,'odd he thought idly 'could of swore i was wearing those' (paraphrasing,please forgive) made me spit apple juice on my sister because i was laughing lol. its really good, please update soon!
(p.s. the plauge LOL)
| Starr Light1 chapter 3 . 2/25/2006
This is an excellent story. It is both highly amusing and a bit mysterious. Do you have an actual weird illness that "IT" has or is it going to be made up?
| Shazol chapter 3 . 2/25/2006
my heart nearly broke when i saw there was no more chapters left XP.
this is really interesting. you captured everyone's personality quite well.
sometimes i get a bit confused following the dialogue because house doesn't address the girl by her real name. i start to think "wait, there's a caitlyn?"
i understand that's just how house is, but maybe add something like 'said House,' things like that.
otherwise, i'm really enjoying this. update? please?
| magical trever chapter 2 . 2/24/2006
very bloody interested, i'll have you know. so getting writing!
| JustReviewing chapter 1 . 2/24/2006
This is good stuff. But the idea of "It" instead of "she" is not only hard to do, it's wearing on the reader. It's hard on you as well. So just be careful of continuing the use, with exception of House's thoughts.
Another thing is your use of adjectives/adverbs. What makes you a good writer is the ability to string this words together. That's hard stuff, there. You do it very well.
However you use them too much. Here's an example: "...as he came back in to the room of the woman with the baby, who was sprawled sexily in her hospital bed with a sleep-mask over her temporarily sightless eyes."
That's a great visual. But it's too much description in one partial sentence. The reader gets lost in the primary meaning - House is watching TV. Now if you were describing a pivotal plot point, throw those adverbs around with abandon.
The only other thing is this: "a disgusting and relatively familiar squishing noise, which did not bode well for the hairless inhabitant." This is purely personal, not professional criticism, so take it with a grain of salt. That image is disgusting, illogical, untrue, and so crass it halted my ability to read the chapter without an inner monologue running of how grossed out I was by it. And I've never been pregnant - though my prime years for it have passed. Be careful with stuff like that. Not that it matters, here, because you are writing for your own enjoyment. But professionally, an image like that is likely to make flame up on what is otherwise a promising story.
I have to tell you, I loved the imagery of the cross skittering across the floor and House's eyes following it in the first chapter. That's exceptionally good. Very impressive.
| blankityblankityblank chapter 1 . 2/14/2006
This sounds a bit like a fic I had planned but never wrote. It's really good so far.
| bridgetlynn chapter 1 . 2/13/2006
wow. I'm intrigued. :) So far very interesting beginning. I like how you wrote it more as House's observations for the opening rather then a lot of dialouge. Hope to see more soon.
| ban-anna-86 chapter 1 . 2/13/2006
Ok you got me hooked :)