|Reviews for forbidden love|
| wingsofacharm18 chapter 1 . 11/12/2014
sorry this is for my last notice I have school tomorrow
but I will finish at 3:00 pm
thanks wings ofacharm18
| wingsofacharm18 chapter 1 . 11/12/2014
please get back to me um review one of my stories
when I make one on my account tomorrow
please and thank you wings of a charm18
| wingsofacharm18 chapter 1 . 11/12/2014
hi I've never meet anyone who likes wyris as much as I do I was wondering
if you would like to be friends and please can you make me an account I would do it myself
but I'm far to busy please and thank you wings of a charm18
| yehan28 chapter 12 . 5/21/2012
more please..like the story but its like a cliffie, so please...please do a sequeal...
| Capricorn91 chapter 12 . 4/19/2012
I know it's been like 6 years since this story was published, but I just wanted to tell you how much I love it!
you don't find many good wyatt/chris stories out there, often times it's mpreg which I usually don't like so much...so I just wanted to tell you that your story is one of my favourites:)
although the ending was a bit mean;)(In my head Phoebe doesn't tell anyone and they can live happily together!)
The only thing that bothered me were the spelling and grammar mistakes you often made, but as I can see in "Twisted love" you really improved your writing,that's great!
Once Again, I really loved this story...and now I'm gonna leave a review for Twisted Love:)
| NegiYaoi-chan chapter 5 . 3/4/2011
| choku fu chapter 12 . 2/5/2011
Om dubble g! Update update update!
| asm613 chapter 12 . 11/26/2010
A quick 'silencing' and 'notice me not' spell would be conjured up around the room -
-that was really smart_so many stories have them getting caught when it's so stupid to think they wouldn't use their magic to make sure they didn't get caught. and then you went and ruined it at the end of the story. there was absolutely no reason for you to put something like that in the story.
and how quickly you had wyatt get rid of eve and wrote her out of the story- after making her such a big part of it_made me realize even more how she wasn't even necessary for this story.
i think a good argument for chris living with wyatt would be that it would be safer for wyatt if chris lived with him; because their magic is stronger when they're together and wyatt would have somebody watching his back. kind of like why the 3 girls decided to live together and not move out of the manor.
you don't explain how an 18 year old and a 16 year old can afford to live in their own apartment- at least 1 of them is still in highschool and you didn't mention wyatt having any jobs or income.
so there were lots of things i thought just didn't make sense about this story. but you are a pretty good story teller. you did a good job with wyatt's, chris's and eve's dialogs.
so the most important thing is if you enjoyed writing the story and you are happy with it- that's all that really matters.
| asm613 chapter 11 . 11/26/2010
like I told you she means nothing to me'
-yet he leads her on and makes her believe he loves her. and do you realize that you had wyatt fuck chris with the same dick he fucked eve with-and he didn't use a condom with eve- so his cock was still covered in her pussy juices when he buried himself in chris- you didn't write anything about him showering- so that was just soooo wrong.
'You were mine before you even realized you had grown up… You were mine when you slept next to me when you were scared of all those nightmares… and you were mine whenever I saved your ass from all those demons' he added with some humor
-I think this might be your best written chapter so far. You wrote some really good dialog-the part i copy/pasted above was particulary good. i should have mentioned that in my reviews that were complaining- i may not have liked some of the characters actions; but you wrote it all really well and you do a great job with the characters dialogs.
'how about the part where you've been ignoring me, how about the part where you been acting so unlike yourself that the whole family have noticed, how about the part where you've become so different
-that's what i wrote last chapter. chris was bringing attention to himself when he supposedly didn't want to...so at least i know i was right with that because you write it here.
| asm613 chapter 10 . 11/26/2010
you wrote that wyatt was going to use seduction to get eve to tell him what chris said. that means that he would toy with her and tease her; but wouldn't fuck her until she told him what he wanted to know-but you had him fuck her first- well now she had what she wanted; so she had no incentive to tell wyatt anything. so that was backwards.
also you had chris fuck her without a condom and cum inside her. only stupid kids have unprotected sex. not just because of disease; but because of unwanted pregnancy. wyatt would not be risking getting her pregnant if he wanted chris and didn't want to be tied down to her by some baby just because he didn't use a condom.
and his girlfriend has her own apartment? they're only 18 years old- how does that work? wyatt hadn't had sex with her in weeks and you had him think that he should have sex with her so that she doesn't think he's cheating on her? that especially doesn't make any sense...what does he care what she thinks? if he gets with his brother he isn't going to stay with her- and he shouldn't be fucking her if he loves his brother and especially since he already made love to his brother. and that you made such a blatant hetero sex scene in a yaoi story- and again making the original character of your creating- such a big part of the story- gives me more reason to believe that you wrote yourself into the story as 'eve'...just don't like it. you're making wyatt out to be an insensitive pig. like he purposely wants to hurt eve. like he's using her as cover. shouldn't he just be dating casually if he loves his brother? he shouldn't be serious with anyone while he's hoping to be serious with his brother...especially if his brother knows about the relationship. and you have her acting more like chris's sister-in-law than just wyatt's girlfriend...so there's lots that doesn't make sense or logic and it's all kind of fucked up.
| asm613 chapter 9 . 11/26/2010
Have you ever known a 14 year old boy?
Because I can tell you that 14 year old boys do not rub lotion all over their bodies like some women who wants to keep herself soft and perfumed for her husband or whatever. the only thing 14 year old boys use lotion for is to jack off with.
| asm613 chapter 8 . 11/26/2010
'Ok what im going to tell you has to stay a secret you cannot tell ANYONE' he said with such fierceness
Eve stared shocked, she didn't think he would actually open up to her 'I promise' was all she could say
'I mean it Eve, not even Wyatt' he said more urgently
'I promise I wont tell anyone'
You had Eve tell Piper that she would find out what's wrong with Chris and tell her. Now you're having Eve swear that she won't tell anyone- not even Wyatt. Why would she agree to keep secrets from Wyatt, if she supposedly loves him.
and beyond that- it's impossible to believe that chris would tell this story to eve and use the word 'brother' so many times. if eve isn't a total idiot, she's going to realize it's wyatt.
and if wyatt was trying to earn chris's love, why would he have his girlfriend over and sitting in his lap and flirting with her? that doesn't make any fucking sense. and the character of eve. this person is wyatt's girlfriend; but she acted like she knew chris his whole life and acted with the familiarity of a mother or aunt. calling him sweetie_ just like piper did. going out of her way to hug and kiss him instead of saying hi like everyone else. I have 5 brothers- and believe me their girlfriends never acted that way to any of the brothers that wasn't their boyfriend. so this makes me think that maybe you're secretly writing yourself into the story as 'eve'. i think they call that 'mary-sue'ing. and you wrote her like she's a saint or something instead of just wyatt's girlfriend. and wyatt loves chris- so he probably doesn't act like he loves eve- like maybe but but he couldn't/wouldn't act like he loved her_because he loves chris and he takes that very serious-to show someone the same devotion he shows chris would be impossible- he'd feel like he was belittling what he felt for his brother. and the fact that you had the whole family worried that chris was 'withdrawn' for a week or however long is stupid too. chris wouldn't want to draw any undue attention to himself in this sitiuation; because he's afraid that someone would find out. and acting differently would raise alert flags_ but you had chris do just that- like he's stupid or something. he's supposed to be afraid people will find out_ yet he tells the whole story to wyatt's girlfriend of all people. and he says it's a 'friend' of his. that's an old cliche that people use when they want to talk about themselves but are too embarrassed to say that they are the person; so they say 'a friend of mine'. chris may as well as told her that he let his brother fuck him up the ass and now he's confused- and that he had the conversation with wyatt's girlfriend is beyond ridiculous.
but this is your story and you're allowed to do what you want with it. you can write yourself in if you want. you can make a girlfriend act like she's been in the family for her whole life and is a saint. but i don't have to agree with it or like it. i'm sure lots of people liked it. i'm sure some people didn't like it- just that most people who don't like it don't say it- they don't leave any comment- but this characterization of eve was way too familiar acting- she's supposed to act like a girlfriend of 1 year_ not a family member who tells the rest of the family that she'll find out what's wrong with him.
the unusual thing is that i liked the story up to this chapter. i think maybe part of it is that you made a character of your own making and not a real character from the show- such a big part of the chapter/story.
| asm613 chapter 2 . 11/26/2010
you had pheobe pick up on chris's dating emotions- but wyatt was throwing strong emotions during the entire breakfast. mostly lust, and then intense jealousy and anger and wanting to hunt down whoever was going to date chris_ so why didn't pheobe pick up on all the strong emotions wyatt wasn't guarding?
the 'i must be mistaken' or 'got it wrong' excuses are so unimaginative. when chris sensed jealousy from wyatt- why should he have doubted his gifts?
| phil chapter 4 . 2/14/2010
I read this three times already and it still amazes me. keep writing.
| YAOI-fangirl-3478 chapter 12 . 5/21/2009
to lazy to log into acc. that my real user i have a question to ask and its... FUCKING HOT SEQUAL IN THIS STORIES NERE FUTURE?