|Reviews for Sunshine and Roses|
| MuggleCreator chapter 1 . 7/26/2013
| cloudshape to ennien chapter 1 . 9/14/2012
Very realistic portrayal of a typical family situation at that time. If she was a muggle too, but from upper-class it would have been just the same. So sad.
| Captain Evermind chapter 1 . 5/17/2012
Ouch! Excellently written, but so painful! I love the way you take Tobias's perspective in this - the sense of the emotional and intellectual gulf widening between him and his family is excellently constructed. Very nicely done.
| Quadrillionaire chapter 1 . 5/10/2012
You've written a stunningly accurate example of a loving relationship that falls apart over time. To be honest, I kind of feel bad for Tobias, and I don't really like Eileen. (If she had a daughter, she wanted to name her Eusachia. Enough said.)
If the circumstances were different, if things went on a different course, I'm sure it wouldn't have ended badly as it did.
| mystfatale chapter 1 . 4/16/2009
This is SUCH an interesting take on the dynamics between Eileen and Tobias. As an Eileen/Tobias shipper myself I found this very different to how I portray them in my fic, but it's still so real and just... painful. I felt quite sad reading this. You did a wonderful job.
| Master Solo chapter 1 . 10/28/2008
I really like how you depicted this relationship. It's very realistic for relationships between people of different cultures to be like this, and I know from having dated one. It's all about how much a person's willing to compromise and tolerate and you did a great job of depicting this, as well as how both Tobias and Eileen went over the edge.
| Sucre Bebe chapter 1 . 4/5/2008
Wow, I never really thought of it from Tobias' point of view. Good job, I liked it.
| citrinestone1000 chapter 1 . 10/19/2007
Thanks for sharing your story.
| Ranekaera chapter 1 . 9/11/2007
Will you be updating this? Because I think you should, this was very realistically written, and you sound like you know what it's like to work in a factory... I work nights in a packaging plant, and it IS the most boring job in the world... you described it to a T.
| Queenish chapter 1 . 8/25/2006
this is a good story. fascinating Tobias characterization.
| Obelisk of Light chapter 1 . 8/25/2006
A very good fic! The quality of the fic is definitely better than most I've seen here; and the characterisation is good as well! Now, I do like Dark/Angst kind of fics and I was pulled into the story quite continuously.
Your portrayal of Eileen is good too, because that's how a (presumably pure-blood) witch should be. Most people prefer to characterise a minor character as very fond of Muggles and knowing everything about them. You've made Eileen believable by showing her naivete about Muggle ways. I'd also like to compliment you on your characterisation of Tobias. Soem people think that he wasn't an abusive husband, but I believe that is not the case.
I thought that the pace of the romance was a liitle rushed for a one-shot. I do understand that it's hard to slow it down in a short piece of writing.
I know that the story is from Tobias's POV, but it's better no to use shortened words in the narrative. It seems to take the seriousness away from the story a little bit.
But those were very minor complaints. Overall, the story is very well written!
| excessivelyperky chapter 1 . 8/13/2006
Excellent story. I'm always happy to discover another writer out there who does the angst thing so well. Tobias is a very interesting character. And wouldn't it be neat if there was a story where he could come to the rescue of his son? (God knows Snape's been left in a terrible place, and it's not like the Wizarding World is going to be safe for him no matter who wins).
| crockywock chapter 1 . 6/29/2006
Okay, Moth has finally press-ganged me into reading this (Merlin knows I'm short of online time at the moment) and here's my two-cents, which I'm sure you won't mind hearing. ;)
The general mood of the fic is very recognisable. 1960es industrial cities and -poverty is something, I think, we are all very familiar with. The rain, the factory, the not-taken bus, all that works well towards your readers imagination. Also, I believe, the family situation is very realistically portrayed and well suitable for the time in which the fic is situated. (Particularly the way Eileen and Tobias start finding little things to hate about each other. Very close to real life. ;) )
Tobias works well as the narrating main character, although I had trouble recognising him as either a weak person, who does not have much to do with his family, or the tyrannic husband who makes his wife stay home against her will. He seemed both at the same time, which, for me, does not feel entirely compatible.
For example, if he has enough influence over his wife to make her do the housework, why is it she has the option of choosing a name for his son that he hates?
Using (wizarding) language as an additional barrier between Tobias and his son is, I think, a fantastic idea and well worth exploring (in other fics, perhaps). This, of course, is something that happens between upper and lower class members as well and is thus not least an extremely British topic to write about.
The only real problem I had with the content part of the piece is that everything seemed rather predictable. An unequal couple, a precipitant marriage, financial problems, alcohol, violence. The whole shot reads a bit like a description of life under the poverty line in the 20th century Midlands. Realistic, but more like a summary than an actual story.
This takes me to the topic of style. Personally, I am not a great fan of the continuous use of present tense in stories, but I can understand that this is something some writers like to explore. Let is just be said that it makes several things very difficult to read, not least the parts that are actually set in the past because here you are consequently forced to switch between past perfect and simple past. The real problem here is that the story, through its summary-like character and your rare use of the main character's first name, seems somewhat deracinated. "I'm pregnant" is the first time I, as a reader, felt actually at home. It feels like 'finally the introduction is over', but you continue narrating to the end so I would personally say that you need much more dialog, much more actual 'scenes' to make this work.
Two or three particulars I noticed:
1) You used 'metre' instead of 'feet' in one paragraph (can't remember if there were more), which gives that moment a particularly un-British feel. I don't know why everyone here will insist on using the non-metric system, but they certainly do, including Jo Rowling. Feet, inches, even stone is still in use, though that one's especially stupid imo. Ahem. Anyway...
2) I know you're using free indirect speech and Tobias is a lower class narrator, but I would advise against abbreviations of not and would etc. unless in particular cases. This goes together with using less narrative, of course, so it is a bit of a difficult matter, but I think I can assure you that the general view of this piece will gain by getting rid of the n'ts and 'ms.
3) Last but not least (quite randomly, I know) at "and his mother didn't waste time drawing him to her side" I think you meant "lose time", didn't you? I also found one or two typos (literally) but that happens, of course. It's not actually part of the 'review'. Just to let you know because I know how annoying these buggers are. ;)
Sorry for the monster-review. Hope it helps. Talk to you soon, maybe.
| Mothwing chapter 1 . 6/20/2006
*waves* Hi there!
First of all: wow, great langauge. I love how Severus and his mother bond against his father and how you describe his helplessness. Excellent.
There are also a number of true gems of sentences in there. Wow. Admirable. But you know it is. :)
| Iva1201 chapter 1 . 6/7/2006
It's a pity that many people think this way - it's too late to fix things now. However, we should always try... (-: Sad but good written. And a surprise: Have you known they added main character Eileen Prince and Tobias Snape? Would be now easier to find fics about them (as well as other characters). (-: