|Reviews for The Crush|
| Shirakawa Myself chapter 1 . 4/18/2008
Sweet. I like how it ended up with her growing up and moving on, not all fairy-tale like. ]
| saturday.conspiracy chapter 1 . 1/9/2008
This was really good! I liked the surprise ending for one and how you had them go through a whole day together. This is one of the coolest Yakari oneshots I've ever read!
Infinite Love and Peace!
| avearia chapter 1 . 8/28/2007
Ok, this was just -awesome-.
I, for one, am a fan of Yakari. I'm slightly surprised at the ending for this reason, but also because the guy and the girl didn't get together at the end. (shock!) it's so corny the way they always make it 'and they lived happily ever after-together.' it's nice to see a diverse ending, too.
Though I have to wonder, who exactly did Kari call, Davis or Tk? You did this on purpose, I just -know- it. it could be either one, true. you leave it in open-ended suspense, really, not creating controversy, just saying that she ended up making a move with -someone-. How very... diplomatic of you. Still, it got the point across better than if you'd've identified the guy. Otherwise, people would be too focused on the pairing to get the point; that she was moving on and was happy that she'd found her place.
One thing I'd like to point out, though, is that you had several gammatical errors and spelling errors. Many words are mispelled, or replaced by a word that's spelled almost the same, but means something opposite. This is fixable by spellcheck and re-reading it once over before posting. trust me, it works. The other problem is that often, you switched perspectives or tenses: you would say "Kari dialed my brother's phone number..." ect. you should either stick with first person (I, my, our, ect) or third person (Kari, she, her, their, ect.) try not to mix them. as for the tenses; you often go from a present, ongoing tense ("he runs to the gate") to a past tense ("the person sounded distant") though that didn't happen as often. just be sure to check for that before posting the chapter.
Lots of good things were in this chapter, and it was very cute. I hope that you continue writing, though by the looks of it, you aren't going to make any other Yakaris. . .
Luck on future drabbles!
| BrandyChanelle chapter 1 . 3/25/2006
Haha! That was really good! The ending was awesome! So cute!
| Quellesirel Peredhil chapter 1 . 2/18/2006
i really like the ending! its not super corny, but its happy!