Reviews for A Wish Come True
tuatara1 chapter 5 . 8/18/2010
Man, what a story to leave unfinished. The mistake Akane made would have to be one of the most punishing and absolutely crushing a person could possibly make. To have carelessly destroyed her entire life as she knew it and lost that which mattered most to her. And she's left with no one to blame but herself. What's more, she's the only one who even knows it. I honestly don't think I'd be able to live with myself and would quite likely end it all as soon as I realized what a catastrophic, irrevocable blunder I'd made. It actually chokes me up just thinking about it. I really wish I knew how this was going to end. Given that we're working under AMG wish rules here, I assume there won't be any sort of It's a Wonderful Life type of status quo ending. So that means Akane has no choice but to accept what she's made of her (and everyone else's) life, regardless of whether or not Ranma will be a part of it.
HiroshimaNagasaki chapter 5 . 11/2/2008
That was good.

I found myself very focused on your story from first chapter and till the last, hopefully not the final. You really put good angst from the start, and without using cheap means too. That was masterful angst. I just kept wondering, what was the reason behind this and what meaning has that. Why Nabiki dresses differently and what is it she sighs about? What happened to Kuno, Ryoga, Mousse, Taro? And what on earth is with Kasumi? Your catching solid writing style easily put me in creative mode, so through reading I devised quite a bunch of ideas, some of them of 'M' rating :)

Anyway, this story was worthy finding. It made my evening.

Author, do write more!
HiroshimaNagasaki chapter 4 . 11/2/2008
Am I chasing this guy?

Nope, it looks like he's chasing me.

That was good. I had to pause for a few seconds to savour this sudden development.

You know such tricks, that is a promising sign. Though I already have enjoyning your story very much.
Ganheim chapter 5 . 6/19/2008
Part 1: With this ring...

she's Belldandy"

[Missing closing period.]

"I hope you're right about this"

[Missing closing period.]

"Of course I am"

[Missing closing period.]

I must've heard it then"

[Missing closing period.]

depending on how you look at it"

[Missing closing period.]

A lecherous grin split Urd's face.

[Given the current situation and the characters I think that 'lecherous' isn't wholly fitting, though 'cunning', 'sly' or 'knowing' would be fitting.]

I make it a point in my business not to break people up when they're in love, okay? I would never do that."

[Then she won't be doing a lot of business in Nerima.]

Her clothes, which had been clingy before, were now both clingy and transparent.

[Becoming transparent when wet is something only some materials (and some colors) do. After looking up Urd, every indication is that the materials she wears wouldn't be the types that would become transparent.]

"Well that's good"

[Missing closing period.]

The despondent red-head trudged her way upstairs to try and sleep it off. Thoughts of strange platinum haired women running rampant in her head.

[The second sentence looks like a fragment that would be better joined to the previous.]

what's gotten into you.

[Interrogative missing question mark.]

I don't want to blow it"

[Missing closing period.]

five year-old girl's

[Punctuation: girls]

Akane attempted to harness the rage she normally directed at her fiancee, but found herself laughing along with him as they headed into the building.

[I can't think of any times when she's failed to regain her rage when she's intent on getting mad.]

we're lucky Miss Hinako didn't drain us"

[Missing closing period.]

something tells me she's not about to start"

[Missing closing period.]

You're just like your dad"

[Missing closing period.]

"AH"

[Missing closing period.]

Shampoo twirled her Bonbori

[First: look up 'bonbori' at .com or wikipedia, it's a Japanese paper lantern. The solid-steel-sphere maces that Shampoo uses are chĂși.]

A brief torrent of cold liquid coated the purple-haired Amazon, and she felt her world grow larger.

[I noticed no scream or other sign of fear from Ranma, despite his auliophobia.]

hanging all over Kodachi and Shampoo, and then you have the nerve to grope Ms. Hinako in front of everybody!

[What about Ukyou?]

A Wish Come True Part 2: Consequences

She ducked under

the blow and caught

[Extraneous soft return.]

were murmurs from the

gathering crowd.

[Extraneous soft return.]

he ate Ukyo's okonomiyaki,

and then he

[Extraneous soft return.]

with you and his best friend?

That would be

[Extraneous soft return.]

educated guesses most of the

[Spacing]

Something I should've done

before I

[Capitalization: something. Extraneous soft return.]

like that fromt time to time, and even

if

[Spelling: from. Extraneous soft return.]

"But if I never met Ranma, then how come I remember everything?"

[Plot device.]

you're going to have to fight to keep your old self,

[Who's to say that the 'new Akane' might not be better off than the old? Now _that_ would have been an interesting story idea to explore. This is destined to land everything back at square one, which automatically detracts from its appeal.]

across

the table from him

[Extraneous soft return.]

I'm sure

that they'll be hungry

[Extraneous soft return.]

mouth as she dreamed

of a handsome young

[Extraneous soft return.]

all it would take would be a couple

of deluxe okonomiyaki

[Extraneous soft return.]

standing on. Behind her stood Shinnosuke and his

Grandfather,

[Extraneous soft return.]

and she was forced

to drop the broom she

[Extraneous soft return.]

looking as surprised

as Akane was.

[Extraneous soft return.]

meeting Akane's as he sat

up on the grass.

[Extraneous soft return.]

was a pause during which neither

spoke.

[Extraneous soft return.]

thrashing form of the Orochi's

large rearward head.

[Extraneous soft return.]

purple, as though it couldn't

breath.

[Extraneous soft return.]

he was in the Orochi's mouth.

Oh my god."

[Extraneous soft return.]

"That's odd,

the Orochi would never

[Extraneous soft return.]

would have to literally jump

down its throat

[Extraneous soft return.]

sacrificed himself, so that they would survive, and

in the process

[Extraneous comma after 'himself'. Extraneous soft return.]

The Orochi,

the eight-headed serpent,

[Extraneous soft return.]

The forest

would recede and its giant

[Extraneous soft return.]

Shinnosuke's work here was

done,

[Extraneous soft return.]

I think I set some of them

near here."

[Extraneous soft return.]

no telling what would happen to Shinnosuke.

She could see only

[Extraneous soft return.]

you're going to have to come

with me,

[Extraneous soft return.]

Your grandfather won't mind.

You could almost say

[Extraneous soft return.]

led the forest guardian

away from Ryugenzawa.

[Extraneous soft return.]

Explaining him to her family would not

be easy, but she wouldn't

[Extraneous soft return.]

he was with Ukyo, and

she didn't have to worry about Kuno anymore.

[Extraneous soft return.]

"Akane, you know perfectly well that Kasumi works over at the Kuno place on Mondays."

[Kasumi working at the Kuno estate? ...interesting.]

A Wish Come True, part 3: Black Rose, Scarlet Fury

more lines no doubt developed from a less peaceful life,

[Or a different life. Some people take to some walks of life differently, and I wouldn't venture to say that the old life was peaceful, though he did seem to have more hope even if vain hope.]

with an apology forits temperature.

[Spacing: for its]

Using the flat of the bokken,

the Black Rose

[Extraneous soft return.]

At Kodachi's offended glare, the

young Tendo

[Extraneous soft return.]

Kodachi produced her ribbon,

coughing into one hand

[Extraneous soft return.]

"Round two is mine,

[Is this her self-centered stubborn refusal to acknowledge the reality around her, or did you intend to have her admit that Akane won?]

Akane touched her palms to the mat, dodging under the club and moving into a handstand.

[In other words a vaulted roll?]

The tiny duck with her name was unchanged,

and she found herself

[Extraneous soft return.]

as the marketplace vansihed behind him.

[Spelling: vanished]

"Do you remember a couple of

weeks back,

[Extraneous soft return.]

and could probably pound Kuno up one

side of the school

[Extraneous soft return.]

her normally calculating look. "I just

want to know

[Extraneous soft return.]

A Wish Come True, Chapter 4: New World Order

the events of the previous day. Maybe I can

run into Ranma

[Extraneous soft return.]

and his Mom too,

[To the best of my knowledge, and to others who have done more research than I on the manga, Nodoka Saotome never knew of the other engagements.]

was she supposed to

make him fall for her?

[Extraneous soft return.]

and the oldest daughter sat side-by-side.

Oddly enough,

[Extraneous soft return.]

come to the table. Nabiki ate

quickly,

[Extraneous soft return.]

and if something insane didn't happen soon Akane was confident that she would go nuts.

[Need anything more be said?]

nobody crying out for vengeance or screaming in bloodcurdling rage.

It was kind of unnerving.

[Strangely enough, it would be.]

a lecture on the cultural significance of Yu Yu Hakusho and its inherent

symbolism regarding

[A lecture on what...? And extraneous soft return.]

elaborate Botan illustration he was

making on the crowded blackboard,

[Extraneous soft return.]

I was... talking to a girl?"

[I wonder who the girl was, as it appears Ryouga never met and attached to Akane from the lack of mention.]

Ranma finished his sentence just

as a purple blur

[Extraneous soft return.]

She retrieved a small box

from the grass

[Extraneous soft return.]

She was not pleased that Shampoo was once again attempting to drug, poison or otherwise herbally affect her fiance.

[Actually, 'altering' Ranma's food was an exception rather than a rule, Shampoo seemed to decide that the repercussions of either failure or success weren't worth the hassle in canon. Of course, I don't know how much of that's changed in this alternate reality.]

and using the loop on the weapon's handle

[I could see this if it was a hook, but a loop? How'd she manage to catch a chĂși handle when the hand should be on the narrow end?]

'He's a boy, not a girl,' the sign read.

[I was wondering how you were going to reconcile Shampoo losing that time but not having a curse. This interception is quite unexpected, but does solve the problem.]

unable to breath.

[to _breathe_]

I mean, I'd

just have to make

[Extraneous soft return.]

bursting open as Shinnosuke fled the

compound.

[Extraneous soft return.]

effectively gagging and restraining him

simultaneously.

[Extraneous soft return.]

There stood Kodachi Kuno,

wearing a beautiful

[Extraneous soft return.]

dragging her into the house

while Shinnosuke

[Extraneous soft return.]

fiendish Saginomiya tart, and

while I have

[Extraneous soft return.]

where she secreted it on her

person once again.

[Extraneous soft return.]

comprehend the snippets

of memory that were

[Extraneous soft return.]

and an Akane who advised her to

delay the duel,

[Extraneous soft return.]

she could before proceeding to

explain the

[Extraneous soft return.]

as Akane remembered Ranma being

when he wore

[Extraneous soft return.]

beautiful man Akane remembered from her own

experience,

[Extraneous soft return.]

The tag had no name

on it other than his own,

[Extraneous soft return.]

Hell, it might even be food!

[The words of a Saotome.]

Chapter 5

whatever plot Asuka had devised.

It wouldn't do

[Extraneous soft return.]

"The bigger or more important the event, the more cracks are created, the more possible outcomes exist. This is somewhat of a cliched explanation, but it's still one of the better ones I can give you."

[It is indeed an effective way of referencing the 'threads of fate' if one would call it that.]

and as a Goddess of Love I plan to see to it that you and Ranma find happiness."

[Though not necessarily with each other. Of course, wouldn't it be in dishonesty to guarantee 'happiness' with a specific person, as a better match may lie with someone else?]

A Wish Come True, Part 5: The Breaking of the Black Rose

to be one of those.

She told herself

[Extraneous soft return.]

Before that had been those Amazon twins, with their power over plants

[Power over plants?]

"You can't do this Ranma, you have no right, not in front of Kodachi, please!"

[I am confused as to why Ukyou's conscripted Ranma to do this. I understand why Ranma wanted Akane to know, but in this timeline doesn't he still not care for Kodachi? Why would he be roped into doing this?]
proud yusuke fan chapter 5 . 1/14/2007
Wow i loved it i can't wait until you update.
mikebreslau chapter 5 . 12/8/2006
"It's a Wonderful Life" with a Ranma twist, and Urd as Clarence. Well written and intriguing, well worth reading.

The plot has enough convolutions that I find it somewhat confusing - and wondering how/if you can tie up all the loose ends neatly.

Good job.

Mike
Turtle Kid the Woolgatherer chapter 5 . 6/5/2006
Ah! I absolutely love it!
Little Minamino chapter 5 . 4/25/2006
Update soon! This is awsome!
JustWriter2 chapter 5 . 3/25/2006
Awe, this is so sad. I bet Ukyo will burst in on them.

JustWriter
Wonderbee31 chapter 5 . 3/23/2006
Nice bit at the end, though wondering what'll be the effects of what Nabiki learned, as well as how long it'll be before Akane's mouth runs off with her again, and she does something like hit Ranma for any slight she feels, which'll drive him away, as they don't have the honor agreement hanging over him now.
Spanner chapter 1 . 3/20/2006
I'm so happy to see this story being continued! When I first read the first chapters of this story long ago, I was a bit taken aback by the harsh "punishment" Akane brought upon herself with her poorly timed words. Surely Heaven wouldn't be so cruel? Even so, I very much enjoyed your portrayal of Akane dealing with the new world she found herself in.

I want to see more. I want to see how the story plays out. She has a self-proclaimed Goddess of Love on her side, but whether she will actually end up with Ranma (which wouldn't be very fair to the Ukyou of this new universe, to be sure), or if she finds happiness in some other way remains to be seen.

Please, keep writing!
Andrea chapter 5 . 3/19/2006
wow, I like this so far. I like the way Ranma and Akane finally meet up again. I can't wait to see what else you add.
To PACk chapter 5 . 3/19/2006
Aw, the last scene was cute. Can't wait to read what happens next! :)
leeyiankun chapter 5 . 3/18/2006
Well, I can see where the Angst part WILL come in. :D

Great way to bring in Ranma. But is Urd actually's going to help Akane keep up the Rumiko Madate? (If you don't know, I think it goes something like, 'Akane and Ranma shall always be together'.)
Samus chapter 5 . 3/18/2006
What a $% mess this is turn out to be.
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