|Reviews for Before the War|
| SerialKiller469 chapter 1 . 4/27/2008
I have read your doom story and I liked it. This story filled in some gaps about Sepora. Keep up the good work
| phoebe chapter 1 . 1/5/2007
ugh it was ok but you cant catch Ammonia ammonia is a cleaning solution found in urine you can catch pnuemonia an infection cause by fluid on the lungs...actually you can catch pnumonia if you in hail ammonia fumes i wouldnt sugets it though
| Coffee-Rules chapter 1 . 3/10/2006
| Just a Tad Unhinged chapter 1 . 2/27/2006
Hello! It's a good start for your story but you need to watch your tenses, you started in a strong literary past tense, but ended in a iffy present tense. When writing basically anything you want to write in past tense, it makes more sense and flows a tad bit better, UNLESS you're going for a specific effect on your readers.
Your descriptions are better in this story! YAY!
Two last miniscule things, when describing someone who don't need to repeat their name everytime, it sounds repetitive. Instead of "Duke this. Duke that." try: "Duke this, then he did that." Dig?
Lastly and leastly it's Pneumonia not ammonia... you catch pneumonia, you clean with ammonia.
Catch ya later!