Reviews for The Carousel of Love
Born in 20th Century chapter 30 . 4/26/2014
Thank you for sharing this short but wonderful tale! :)
Guest chapter 7 . 12/7/2013
'Were calculated to enchant'
Guest chapter 5 . 12/7/2013
The. Plot. Twist. Though. Fucking yes.
Guest chapter 5 . 12/7/2013
Paragraph 10, what are you saying, what's a titian, sorry vocabulary is not my speciality.
Guest chapter 5 . 12/7/2013
'Imprudently' kissing her on the nose
Guest chapter 4 . 12/7/2013
Oh my gosh. That plot twist though. Epic.
Guest chapter 4 . 12/7/2013
He is someone with real power.
Guest chapter 4 . 12/7/2013
You've changed tenses you were in the present and now you're in the past.
Knitt-picker chapter 3 . 12/7/2013
Hi again! Knit-picker here! I'm so exited to read what's going to happen:)
1. A comma is needed after 'Sophie'. This way it would read, "Sophie, in equal parts horror and hastily buried longing at a very familiar pair of glass-green eyes which were nearly alight with fury," then what? It's a fragment at that point.
Or, you could say, "Sophie stared in equal parts..." And it would be a super grammar correct!
2. Re-word the sentence that starts with, "The last question..."
3. Change "at that" to "at this"
4. Do you mean, broke out of her stupor?
4.1. Howl would never agree that she was only his housekeeper.
5. Running off to Kingsbury.
6. Boy/fop/dandy. Choose one.
7. I think I want Howl to think 'his arm' instead or 'an arm' (around Sophie.)
8. I don't like the word 'wanting' when they're staring each other down.
9. Trepidation, nice word choice.
10. Since when has she been gone for two months? I didn't know that.
The Howl in this story makes me sad...
Tori chapter 2 . 12/7/2013
Sorry I'm a knit-picker/grammar nazi. Here are my suggestions, feel free to disregard.
1. 'Apologize'
2. Look at the 5th paragraph and word it better (more detail, always good: never bad)
3. Add 'the' between 'from' and 'leather' when she's walking up the stairs.
4. I don't think 'sometimes' needs to be in parenthesis.
5. Change 'of' to 'at' between 'chance' and 'working'
6. Again the parenthesis I think are unnecessary. You could say: "...working with such gorgeous flowers everyday." She also found the reminders of Howl to be somewhat of a masochistic pleasure she wasn't quite ready to part with just yet.
7. 'Can a man not...' starts a double negative... That's confusing.
8. "Sophie signed in pure pleasure." What did she sign?
9. What's gawping? Just wondering because I honestly don't know.
10. The quotes around 'Narcissus' are not needed.
11. That sentence, referenced in #10, I have no idea what you're saying after the comma.
Love your story I just really love editing things ;)
Ron chapter 2 . 12/7/2013
I think I would italicize 'own' in the sentence, "do I even own these many things?" And the last sentence in that paragraph, with Michael. It sounded strange in my head.
Eric chapter 2 . 12/7/2013
In paragraph 5 you put together almost and two (almosttwo). Sorry to critique typos I still like the story D
Wendy chapter 2 . 12/7/2013
The first sentence of the 5th paragraph was a little too much information at once. I had to read it a few times before I understood what you were saying.
I don't think I like this new male character... Hmm... He sounds like a 'playa' haha :D
Quinn chapter 2 . 12/7/2013
Apologizing, you spelt that wrong in the 4th paragraph. So far, so good. :)
Guest chapter 18 . 11/5/2013
Well maybe he shouldn't have doubted Valeria. Then he wouldn't have wasted time
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