|Reviews for Shadows|
| The Duelist's Heiress chapter 2 . 10/18/2007
I like this one as well. Please update. Please?
The Duelist's Heiress
| Yemi Hikari chapter 2 . 6/15/2007
Is Matt Mathias or Mattemio? If so, it is probabbly better to call them by their full name as to not confuse the readers.
Be careful about one thing. Get this fox to earn the Redwallers trust some how. Right now she is a wounded beast, so they throw caution to the wind about vermin. But for her to give them something to trust, that would help her from not being Sueish.
As for the snake bite. Perhaps you should describe the size of the snake and level of poison from the fang. That way, if you do it right, you can make it so nobody can call her a Sue. And, that can be done as part of the next chapter. You may want to research snakes if it helps you some.
I also suggest following the Phantom of the Opera story line some how. but to do that, you'll need to introduce characters that match the ones in the Phantom of the opera story to coincide with your character. (Part of a traveling, perforiming troop that is haunted by some mysterious phantom as they travel?)
Is Slagar going to be the Phantom. Don't tell me. This is letting you know my guess and I would rather be surprised.
Also, I highly suggest checking for typos.
| Yemi Hikari chapter 1 . 6/15/2007
Hm ... well, all I can say is be careful having a fox as your main character and a good guy. All I can say, as so far, t is good.
| shadowbeast chapter 2 . 5/22/2006
Don't know what to do?
Well, you already know who's gonna live (the prolouge), so that helps.
And you said that this was a Phantom of the Opera crossover, so... why don't you just have Silver wake up and after meeting a few Redwallers, she starts to sing, and then "the Phantom" (Slagar) comes along?
Hm, or IS it Slagar? Well, anyway... why don't you just follow the Phantom plotline until you get inspired? I've tried that, when doing parodies, and it's worked before, so yeah...
Well, I hoped this helped! Bye!
| Silver-Fox-Kitsune chapter 2 . 4/15/2006
Okie guys...I'm really sorry for the long wait! I have had tons of reports and school work to do!
AH! And when it comes to writing my fic...I've got nothing good left...-_-
I'll try to get Chapter 2 up and running! As soon as I can think of something...
| Littlelottie08 chapter 2 . 3/13/2006
HI, wow this is osm. I love POTO and Redwall. Keep going please.
| bookbelle chapter 2 . 2/28/2006
First of all, I really like how you begin with the current recorder finding an old recorder's manuscript that leads into the story. I also liked how you introduce the vixen as this mysterious character who is badly wounded and comes to Redwall in the middle of a horrible storm. It's funny that the twins have to do guard duty during an awful storm as punishment for their prank(but don't mind at all because the prank was worth it). One suggestion is to maybe describe the wound and healing part more scientifically: it was kind of confusing to me how the fox has a heavily bleeding wound from the snake bite/fang. But I think your story is really creative and interesting. i'm excited for the next chapter!
| shadowbeast chapter 1 . 2/28/2006
Hi, me again.
I saw your picture of Silver; she's pretty. I like it. She definately does not look like a Sue.
But tell me, did she fight the poisonous snake alone, or did she have help? (If she did have help then that would make her undeniably non-suish; but if she did do it alone, well then, that's okay too)
| shadowbeast chapter 2 . 2/28/2006
Yay, you responded to my review!
Now it sounds less Suish; and it's going to become even less Suish as it goes on!
I'm lovin' this!
A silver vixen with golden eyes? That's pretty.
Where's Matthias, Cornflower, and Matti? Are they going to be in the next chapter? I hope so.
So far it's good; your review assured me that this was going to get better.
Please go on! Hurry!
Before we all die!
| Silver-Fox-Kitsune chapter 2 . 2/27/2006
Ok...ok I get it...I'll change the adder fang to just a regular snake fang...but a poisonous one...and I swear I didn't copy anyone else's work...I thought it up myself...give my poor brain a break...T_T And don't worry, although the Redwallers heal her, that doesn't necessarily mean they trust her... And the vixen will not be perfect...she has problems and flaws...just like everyone else...well...I could always rewrite the whole chapter...nevermind...*goes back to brainstorming for Chapter 2*
| shadowbeast chapter 2 . 2/27/2006
careful; sounds like a Sue.
But you said this was sort of like a Phantom of the Oprea crossover with Slagar, right? So you could fix this up.
The redwallers seemed a little TOO welcome to her (after all, she IS a fox, but maybe you're trying to show just how hospitable Redwall really is) and wouldn't she die from an adder bite? Or were they mistaken in thinking it was an adder?
Don't make the vixen perfect; give her faults; make her make mistakes; do SOMETHING!
Please go on. I want to see where this is going.
| shadowbeast chapter 1 . 2/22/2006
Phantom of the Oprea crossover eh?
Sounds pretty good.
You said that Silver and Aiden were expecting a "club" of their own? Did you mean "cub"?
Slagar's going to be in this? Yes.
He always reminded me of the Phantom.
Am I right in guessing that Silver is the Christine character? And Aiden is the Ralph character?
I didn't really like the latest version of the Phantom of the Oprea; the Phantom they chose was such a bad singer, and Ralph was so girly. Christine was okay, though.
I hope you update soon!
~Beware the Shadowbeast~
| A-son the fox chapter 1 . 2/22/2006
Sounds like it's going to be a behind-the-secrets story of some sort (for Slagar the fox). Even the title, "Shadows", seems to prove my guesses right. If it is, this will be very interesting.