Reviews for A Fine Line
Nikota chapter 25 . 10/22/2007
wow, your an excelant writer and quickly becomeing one of my favorite authors. i plan to read all the rest of your work and submit reviews when ever possible.
Idaho is for Gems chapter 25 . 9/2/2007
Okay, you sent me here tonight to read your stories, I thought I'd read a few pages, but your writting is so amazing it had me hooked. I could NOT stop reading this one, I haven't moved a muscle, honestly. I really want to see more of Bronwyn and Drew, which I believe I will be reading in books to come. I also really want to see more of Wes, he is an absolutely loveable character. I can NOT wait to see who cartwright is, it's killing me. Keep writting, maybe someday I'll have some writting up here. Thanks so much for bringing my feelings from the line up into the literary world!

-bubbajoedragon
darklifebrightdreams chapter 25 . 6/20/2007
Um i told you that i woudln't be much help and i won't be now cause I am the most unpicky person you can know. I loved the story. And the thing abotut Tiffany reminded me of the people who are like her boys and girls alike. You should make something really embarrasing happen to her but that's my opinion. So on to the next story lols. -_-
Olivia chapter 25 . 1/7/2007
Ok, so I know that you finished this a long time ago, but I just finished reading it. I don't comment that often, but I love reading your stories (even if it means staying up until the wee hours of the morning.)

The thing I just couldn't get over was your Big Band Indoor show. The drumline at our high school did something like that, except it was Mean Streets. We took it to world last year and got 8th. Our line was dressed up almost exactly like you said theirs was, down to the spats, only the girls in Battery worn the guy's uniforms and the pit were flappers. Except of course, the three guys.

Anyway, I know that you are working on other stories, and I also really like to read those.

Keep writing!
clarinetguardgeek07 chapter 25 . 8/2/2006
no i dont want it to be over sniff sniff oh weel i am off to bed for a rest b4 band camp tomorrow
Hollybaby390 chapter 25 . 7/31/2006
Wow, I love this story! I think that it's really well written. And even though you probably already have your story edited and everything, you asked for reviews so I'll give it. I think that the while it had a great ending, it ended to soon. We are left wondering about prom, graduation, and what happens when Wes has to go back home? Does she get back together with an old boyfriend? And with Tiffany, the only thing I would do is to give a little more insight into her thoughts and feelings. It's like she's there when she's there, but a few sentences later and we forget all about her. I think that's it, at least for now. Good luck with getting it published!
abcsnowfall chapter 25 . 7/30/2006
Loved the whole story! Just got back from camp and i am sad to say flute, and am hating it, I got stuck with flute because why parents could borrow one and didn't need to rent one, though if I choose drums I would have had a major instrument change in half the school bands as they are in need of drummers, so I am kind of happy, flute is the one instrument they don't need so I won't be talked into switching anywheres. Flute is so difficult!

Too many questions and I have no energy left. I hope I get around to answering those for you someother time.
19eip chapter 24 . 7/29/2006
hmm. very abrupt ending to a story that deserves better. but oh well. thanks for the ride.
tenorsgirl08 chapter 25 . 7/29/2006
Yep, me again, because I'm constantly doing these for you. -

1. What ever happened to Cartwright? My little plot bunny, who got so much play and consideration in The Line almost completely disappeared. He will be back in the rewrite, because in the long run I think I want him to be revealed in The Line Up. Did you even notice that he was gone? Do you want him back? If I told you who I want him to be, would that influence your decision?

I noticed he was gone, but I didn't think much of it. It's be really interesting to see what happens with the story if he was back, and I think not knowing who Cartwright is would make the story more suspenseful until BAM! he is revealed

2. What about making the Tiffany character (head cheerleader) more a rival for Wes’s affection? Should Lucy have to fight more to get him?

Yes, because that just means more popular crowd/band geek clashes, which is really kind of what this story is. the popular joke and the band geek. It would just add an extra demension to it

3. Should I drop the whole break-up storyline at the beginning?

I liked the begining, it was a basic recap, leading into the new story

4. Your all time favorite scene/moment/line of dialogue in this story was…

Mark grinned and started looking around, “Is she on the bus?”

“No, she rides the band bus, and you aren’t going to do anything about this.”

“Oh, come on, I’m just going to tease her a little bit.”

Lucy said very sternly to Mark, “Absolutely not.”

“What are you going to do about it?”

“Two words for you: Jewel Branscombe.”

“Fine, you win.”

5. Was there a character/plot line you wanted to see more of? Or that wasn’t resolved?

Bronwyn, but that's will be explained further down

6. What I could probably stand to work on…? Be specific. I live for constructive criticism. Radical ideas are encouraged!

wrking up to your next story. We've all probably already read the start of your next story, and again, this will be explained with the Bronwyn thing

7. Any major continuity issues I need to address?

nope

8. And what about young Bronwyn? Enough of a character intro to lead us into Keeping in Line? Or does she need some more ‘screen time’?

I think she should have had more of a development in the story, because she was still really shy at the end of this one, and she was a bit more confident at the begining of the next one. I liked Bronwyn in this one, but that was just something that I had noticed when you ended this

9. Finally – I am desperate to write a one shot from the BHS universe, but can’t come up with anything. Any ideas?

. nope, sorry.

Still loving your stories and hope to love even more after this
flying drumsticks chapter 23 . 7/29/2006
Aww, the last competition. *tear* Oh well, I suppose nothing good can last forever. But still, Brookwood winning at Lucy and co. last competition is so...fitting. And the inside joke just adds the final element of excellence (I guess...I'm not exactly sure how to word that...)

Anyway, as for my marching band, our show this year is called "Push" It's kinda out there, but the music sounds pretty cool. And as for the drumline, I can only say one thing: I won the gallon challenge!

Keep up the terrific writing!
Adam Brokos chapter 25 . 7/29/2006
Courtney-

CONGRATULATIONS! You did it! Although im sad to see Lucy go...i cant wait for the conclusion of Bronwyn, and to see where Crossing the Line goes. As always, youve done a crazy awesome job, so keep it up!

Now, as for your questions...

1. It would please me to no end to see Cartwright come back! He really adds something that i thought was missing towards the end of Fine Line. But dont tell me who he is!

6. I dont know if it was just me, but some of the chapters felt kind of rushed...even if they werer long, there was just something missing. I dont have any suggestions on how to fix it, but, i think its something to consider.

8. The stuff you had with Bronwyn was great, but i do think more of her wouldnt go amiss. it seemed like most of her 'screen time' had to do with her relationship with Drew. a few more conversations with Lucy would be great.

9. And that oneshot?... two words: BAND CAMP! seriously, a day-by-day, journal style depiction of Brookwood band camp would rock!

Well, that's it for me! Thanx for the shout out, nice to see i helped!

Later,

Brokos

P.S. Sorry i never got back to you over the Line revision, so...IT ROCKS! seriously, i dont think yu need to change a thing...Although, Nevada? interesting name...
kaisha25 chapter 25 . 7/28/2006
1. What ever happened to Cartwright? My little plot bunny, who got so much play and consideration in The Line almost completely disappeared. He will be back in the rewrite, because in the long run I think I want him to be revealed in The Line Up. Did you even notice that he was gone? Do you want him back? If I told you who I want him to be, would that influence your decision?

I noticed Cartwright's disapearce. He should deffently be in the rewrite.

Other plot points I’m considering for the rewrite:

2. What about making the Tiffany character (head cheerleader) more a rival for Wes’s affection? Should Lucy have to fight more to get him?

Maybe a little bit...some band geek/ cheerleader rivelry is always fun...

3. Should I drop the whole break-up storyline at the beginning?

Eh,I don't actually remember the break-up storyline that well, so I guess it must not be that important.

Other than that, I love knowing:

4. Your all time favorite scene/moment/line of dialogue in this story was…

Hm, the last Wes Lucy scene was awfully cute. I also enjoyed the car washing scene earlier on.

5. Was there a character/plot line you wanted to see more of? Or that wasn’t resolved?

not really

6. What I could probably stand to work on…? Be specific. I live for constructive criticism. Radical ideas are encouraged!

I don't even know, your writing is so good already, I don't really feel justified in telling you what to do better.

7. Any major continuity issues I need to address?

Don't think so

8. And what about young Bronwyn? Enough of a character intro to lead us into Keeping in Line? Or does she need some more ‘screen time’? I think there is a good amount of Bronwyn good amount of character introduction from latter on.

9. Finally – I am desperate to write a one shot from the BHS universe, but can’t come up with anything. Any ideas?

Maybe one about Tony, Spence, Sam, Cartwright or some other minor character. I'm not sure if any of them could support a whole story...but a one shot might work.

Oh, and on the note of it seeming like I've been here from the begining. I actually have. I am "Kayleena A. Carpenter" just with a new account. I lost the password/ email account for that account so I created this one. lol, funny how that works out.

Nice work on this story, as always. Another story from BHS universe would be nice. I think the Lucy story line is a little bit exhausted, but who knows? I said that after The Line and look how well this story turned out. Please, just keep writing though. I love all of your marching band stories.
hairhater101 chapter 25 . 7/28/2006
I loved this story. I loved The Line and Keeping in Line and I still am enjoying The Line Up. If you want a short oneshot, you could do Lisa and Wes's date or some scene that you mentioned, but didn't go into depth. Or tell about PASIC from Browyn's point of view.

Renee
Somewei chapter 25 . 7/28/2006
1. I had noticed that Cartwright had disappeared from the story and he didn't have a major role as he did in The Line, but in all honesty, I don't thik his identity was really necessary. After all, I always thought he served as Lucy's confidant. I think making him into someone Luce knows would be too much. We have enough drama with just the leading boys. Poor Lucy would be overloaded!

2. About Tiffany, I think she was fine. We got the point that she liked Wes, but Wes (in the story) should no interest in her whatsoever. Besides, Lucy had to fight for Wes within herself (the whole love/hate thing she had for him). Tiffany would have just been another thing added. Again, overload.

3. Nah, leave as is

4. My all time favorite scenes had to be when Lucy and Wes kissed for the first time because I was all ("oh, tension") and I just about died in wondering what was going to happen between the two. My other favorite scene was when Mark and Lucy broke out in their little dance number the first time! I was happy! GO DANCING!

5.I'm just kind of wondering about what the school thought of the band girls after the football game? But oh well, that's just me...I'll leave the rest of the comments to quetsion eight. Maybe having Lucy at least acknowledge Tony would have helped so that she could help B in The Line Up.

6. I don't know...I thought that the whole Wes/Lucy relationship was a bit rushed. Tony/Bronwyn and Drew/Bronwyn had excellent timing, but this one seemed rushed. Another thing is relax on your characters for a little while. You put so much on them at once that I feel like your characters don't get a chance to breath. I mean, even with conflict at school, we all get a weekend or day away from that conflict to breath and think about everything. Just give your characters a break before you add anything more on. Filler chapters could work before you rush into something else.

7. I don't think we have any continuity issues really. If I have any, again, question 8.

8. Ahh, the question I've been dying to answer. I don't believe Bronwyn's character was strong enough to lead us in Keeping In Line. At the beginning we know that she's going to be timid because she a - what I like to call - "beginner" freshman. At the end (especially with having Lucy as a mentor) she should somewhat have a stronger personality. Not completely strong because she gets most of her stability in Keeping In Line, but enough of a change to show that she WANTS to show more confidence in her sophomore year. It still felt like she was a "beginning" freshman and not a "seasoned" freshman. The one good thing you did was start the foreshadowing with the whole Drew/Bronwyn though.

9. Since I felt that Bronwyn's character wasn't strong enough, maybe you could do a one-shot of Lucy's graduation day. That way you can put more strength into Bronwyn's character and have Lucy officially hand off the story to Bronwyn. You know, sort of a "now it's your turn, grasshopper" type of thing. Just a transition between Lucy's universe and Bronwyn's universe.

-

Okay, now that I'm done with my Questionaire (lol), I'm going to officially review now! Other than the comments I left up there, good story overall. A good way of leaving Lucy's senior year off. I know how it feels leaving something behind. It's like...no! I can't write for them anymore! Anyway, thanks for the congratulations! And yeah, it did kind of feel like a yearbook signing. HEY! Maybe another one-shot could do something with one character looking through a yearbook and seeing all the characters' yearbook signing. LIKE ALL OF THEM! From Sam and Spence to Bronwyn and Tony! COOL! Sorry...lol. Random thought! Anyway, Courtney, great job and can't wait to see the finale of Bronwyn's senior year and the start of Juliet's marching world! If you ever need help just message me!

Somewei
hottiesplomiegurl chapter 25 . 7/27/2006
LoL, I'm class of 2007. (James Bond music plays in back ground :-D) Yes, i did notice the lack of cartwrightness, and i wouldn't mind having him back. It isn't so much the character except that lucy is frank with cartwright so you can understand clearly what she is feeling. I thought Bronwyn was a bit too timid in this story, cause in her sophomore year she's definitely outgoing. The Kill Bill track in my show last year was amazing. We came to a standstill and literally rocked out...but i with the guard of course, dance like crazy on the ground. It was hott.
138 | Page 1 2 3 4 .. Last Next »