|Reviews for Shadow Sickness|
| Inwe Nolatari chapter 6 . 4/5/2006
i am sorry to hear that someone you know has died, I know what it feels like, the same thing has happened to me this year...and he was a student...hope you feel better. Anyways, great job on the chapter, I thought it was pure brilliant! Keep up the great work and hope to read more very soon!
| Lyn chapter 3 . 3/12/2006
Very interesting! I hope Elrond can help!
Just one suggestion:
“I would rather not anser this,”
ANSWER - This is one of those stupid English words
you have to memorize because the spelling
is weird! I usually try to remember it
by thinking, "AN' SWEAR at ANSWER" and
then think, anser, ANSWER. Okay. I know
that sounded dumb. Haha. _;
| Lyn chapter 1 . 3/12/2006
Ah, children...I mean, elflings! _
Just a few suggestions:
his was do to a group comprised of four elflings.
I believe the word you want is "due" (as in, "due to" or
his was due to a group comprised of four elflings.
TINY - meaning small. Pronounced TIE-knee
(Tinny is pronounced TIN-knee and means a sound that
is high pitched but flat and refers to music boxes
that used tin as the metal-the sound was not
“Hey, your one to talk, you have a crush on your brothers wife,” Tlatgorn spoke up.
I would put an exclamation point after "hey" and
replace "your one to talk" with the subject-verb
contraction, "you're" (which is pronounced the same).
“Hey! You're one to talk! You have a crush on your brother's wife,” Tlatgorn spoke up.
I also put an apostrophe after brother to show
possession, "brother's wife" as opposed to a simple
plural (two brothers).
I really enjoyed the conversation! You could perhaps
add words describing their facial expressions and
body movements to help the reader visualize the
scene. Anything that helps the reader to feel they
are actually THERE, within the scene, would help.
For example, 1) what would they SEE? 2) what would
they HEAR besides the voices? 3) would they SMELL
anything in this scene? 4) would they TOUCH anything?
5) would they have FEELINGS inside, or EMOTIONS of
any kind? Details help a lot.
This is a very good story! I encourage you to
If you have trouble selecting names for elves,
I think there is a page somewhere on the Internet
that provides elvin names. I'm sorry I don't know
where that is. m-_-m
| Inwe Nolatari chapter 3 . 2/28/2006
who is the other elfinling?...DUN DUN DUN! lol...great job on the story, and hope to read more very soon!
| wolenczak2004 chapter 2 . 2/27/2006
great chapter, please more soon.
| Inwe Nolatari chapter 2 . 2/26/2006
HHM...I wonder what happened...hm...too lazy to figure it out...sorry! lol..at least I admit it! Great job and hope to read more soon!
| Inwe Nolatari chapter 1 . 2/25/2006
Why does it always seem that something bad is going to happen in the first chapter...but they do a cliff hanger to keep up wondering and getting rather frustrated? It's not fair...though it is fun to do cliff hangers...it's just annoying when OTHR people do that...lol...anyways...keep up the great work and you do more soon! EXCELLENT!
Future Ruler of Japan,