Reviews for Purple Haired Mountain Majesty
Ganheim chapter 2 . 5/3/2009
quantum variance

[I just want to point out: properly speaking, you know that means ‘miniscule variance’, right?]

Cologne had ahold

[a hold]

"Every so often an old cursed spring seems to want make a new template.

[This would make sense if the magic or something had been petering out, but you haven’t mentioned anything like that (I’m not sure if the Jusenkyo guide would be capable of sensing it, but Cologne might, though she’d probably be busy trying to save her granddaughter). Either, I think that a little more needs to go into this to make it hold up. Saying ‘it’s this spring but conveniently Shampoo fell into it and changed it to a ‘spring of drowned Shampoo’ doesn’t quite hold up for me. I also wonder why the guide’s speaking pidgin when he and the amazons should both be fluent in Mandarin]

finding a long grey hair and dipping it into the spring.

[Doesn’t the pool require living chi to activate (ie a living person/animal)? It wouldn’t be a stretch for a squirrel or bug or something to be nearby for him to snatch and toss in…although I’ll grant that would then create the quandary of dealing with the cursed bug-turned-girl]

Maybe spring was mislabeled on my map."

[That’s a sensible

At least she didn't fall in the Spring of Drowned Man, which would have been a horrible fate for an Amazon.

[Yes, there shouldn’t be too many Shampoo s]

To be an Amazon is to be like an oak, strong and proud, yet we came to this area and became Amazons by being like the reed- being flexible and adaptable."

[I’m confused, I understand the idea of sometimes being one thing and other times another, but this sounds like being two incompatible things at once]

'Some people are born to Destiny, some have it thrust upon them, others are merely screwed over by it.'"

[I like that, and have suffered the third first-hand]

If it was what she thought it was...then she may have to find another Heir.

[Sounds extremely serious, though as impulsive as Shampoo is I doubt she’s actually set to be the next Matriarch (if she was, I have little doubt we’d see Cologne being a LOT more stringent with her)]

some foreign martial arts costume. A "gi" she thought it was called.

[‘gi’s existed in China (if not with the same materials, and sometimes diverging in exact style)]

knowing that it was really a boy that had defeated her.

[How would she know? The fact that she’s talking (if in a foreign language) pretty well eliminates the potential of an animal (from Shampoo’s more attentive perspective), but it could’ve been a girl before getting ‘immersed Shampoo’ dunking]

Aloe, she's likely going as far as Japan.

[I find it a little more convenient than fully within suspense of disbelief that she’d know ‘Japan’ specifically. If she had a gut sense that it was ‘very far away’ then that would be believable, but somehow knowing Japan (if not Nerima, Tokyo) is more than I’d think necessary]

I can count on you four to not do anything frivolous that will cause problems.(1)

[It was _extremely_ awkward to go all the way down to the bottom just for a one-liner joke that could easily have been placed here in the narrative]

Shampoo get really sick of this."(2)

[This makes sense, but the big ‘2’ seems obtrusive to me. I’d have just repeated the line and mentioned it below in the author’s note…much like what you’ve done, just without the 2]

just learn some this week."

[That’s pretty damn good for just one week, her talent with exolinguistics never seemed to be spectacular in canon]

She wasn't carrying any weapons, after all.

[That he could see…]

She's actually in training to be a Lorekeeper(3),

[Same as my comment for 2]

valley, didn't mean

[Superfluous comma]

She's still as affectionate and bouncy as ever, but wants to be loved for herself, not because of the Law.

[Then I don’t see how it’s different from canon – though with the different training (mostly being more read in socialization) she would know there are more subtle routes]

Cologne. Will view Ranma as a second chance, particularly as her new Heir isn't working out.

[This one I have more doubts about: other authors (like Aondehafka) have theorized that Shampoo’s not the future Matriarch, but even if Shampoo isn’t, the Heir would be an amazon by blood (not by marriage), this would be a political/social safeguard to insure that their society can’t be taken over by an outsider people. Granted, if you take a far more inclusive stance to Joketsuzoku culture then it’s possible that they’d look for an outsider to take their future leadership, I just personally don’t think they’re _that_ inclusive despite their law about marrying outsiders]

Genma. One morning Shampoo looks out the window and sees Genma

[I’m confused about the author’s notes from here down. Is it a summary of the story to come (which, while interesting after skimming through it, probably spoils more than it should. Your writing is pretty good and I’d rather see it flow out of chapter narrative than end-of-chapter summaries)]

(3) …some aren't going to be especially interested or good at HTH combat. It's not canon, but it's human nature.

[Actually, canon never mentions it, so it’s up to whatever interpretation is desired – and personally, I take a more realistic stance, like you]

Chapter 2: Where's Ranma?

Shampoo was of a warrior culture, for all that she was a Lorekeeper (Junior Level). Seize the moment, love while you can, for tomorrow's battle might be the one that ends your life.

[Simple and understandable, quite likely how the canon society works]

She was going slowly,

[Obviously not slowly enough to not fill him with fear as to his plans, but I’m not sure _how_ slowly she’d actually be working]

understanding of Chinese Medicine,

[I’m a little unsure as to why ‘medicine’ is capitalized]

way to seperate the two

[separate]

She was clearly too much of a ditz

[Dunno if Genma would presume this about a lorekeeper-in-training]

but his plan was perfect. Like all of his plans.

Nothing could go wrong.

[So guaranteed to go wrong just by stating it like that, so true to the canon comedy…]

Ranma frowned, remembering how he had slept in his cursed Shampoo-twin form one night in the same tent as Shampoo. Only to wake up in a barrel being sent over a set of waterfalls. Ranma had spent over an hour tracking the two down, Shampoo had been tied and gagged and Genma had been running off with her.

[That is _extremely_ funny]

Therefore not something he was that interested in, though it did look handy.

[Not interested in learning first-hand, but obviously interested in more exposure to it (as it helps his ailurophobia), so I don’t know if he’d put it this way]

Yet by taking it slow,

[The ‘yet’ seems superfluous to me, the flow would work better by getting straight to ‘By’]

Like the Catfist training sort of.

[Missing comma after ‘training’]

"SON! TIME TO TRAIN!"

"YES SIR!" Ranma literally leapt at the interruption.

[Points 1]

"You've engaged us to someone on the basis of what his father's like?"

[Nabiki’s indignant about the arranged marriage, certainly, but Japan’s no stranger to them]

I will find you. Then, Shampoo, I shall destroy your happiness!" The woman drew a sword from within the all encompassing robes and held it above her head. "I swear to visit the vengeance of the heavens upon you!"

Lightning struck.

Unfortunately, standing on the peak of the tallest building, holding a metal longsword aloft, during a thunderstorm, is *not* a particularly intelligent move.

[Points 2]

this 'Luan Ma' is aptly named

[I found it amusing that you had the amazons mess up his names as other authors often have Japanese characters mispronounce Shampoo’s name (which could be transliterated any number of ways, Xianpu being one of the closest to any transliterations from the Chinese hanzi as far as I know)]

After grabbing a handy street sign and beating the sack until it stopped moving,

[Which would bruise him noticeably]

The panda stared at the old woman who was apparently using a fire hose to wash her walk off.

[Generally the innocent old woman washing her walk (ritually purifying it) is done with a ladle]

The characters all seem true to form, and the potential for chaos as it would be in the Ranmaverse. This story had a very believable premise and had been handled well to the end…it’s just pity that it never came to completion before it apparently died. Alas, that such good writing couldn't come to its conclusion.
Rose1948 chapter 2 . 5/24/2007
M... Dead Genma. I like the sound of that. *cackles*
a chapter 2 . 3/13/2007
...Genma is so dead.
Choas Babe chapter 2 . 10/22/2005
Yay! A calm Shampoo/Ranma fic!
Lone Templar chapter 2 . 11/13/2004
This is definitely one of the better stories I've read where Ranma and Shampoo get together. You've managed to make everything fall into line perfectly, although it's a shame that you've not written anything else for this in so long. I hope that you decide to revisit this story in the future, because it's a wonderful plot. Keep up the good work.
Alex Ultra chapter 2 . 7/2/2004
Aw... I was hoping for more! I hope you take this as a clue to write more on this story, since I really would like to see more on this.

Also, I tend to 'stalk' the really good Ranma 1/2 authors, sticking to them like so many flies to meat. . You can expect to hear from me many more times.

LATER
shiroiryu144 chapter 2 . 7/29/2003
love the pairing for some odd reason. - nice story. continue please?
dogbertcarroll chapter 2 . 4/13/2003
You've barely scratched the surface of this fic. I'd like to see more of it.
nothing chapter 1 . 2/28/2003
great story and very orginal i've never read a ranma story like this one
Tora Tigress chapter 2 . 12/15/2002
More of this story PLEASE!PLEASE!PLEASE!
Bobcat chapter 1 . 12/5/2001
Very good. You should continue this, instead of retake.
Quamzin Kravshera chapter 2 . 9/7/2001
continue this, please! you can't just leave it like this. not too many original ranma/shampoo fics out there.
Alberto Cantu chapter 2 . 8/23/2001
A very good beginning - I like the Idea and the approach taken, and it should turn into a very interesting story with some length. kewl
Liralenchan chapter 2 . 7/26/2001
Very good! But, where's the third?
John Dunkelburg chapter 2 . 7/3/2001
You know, thisa storyline should be continued, if you ever get the chance. I like it (for what it's worth :).
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