Reviews for School of Discontent
LordHelen chapter 4 . 3/29/2013
I've decided how I feel. You are great with grammar and you know some pretty big words. You are very good at that. I do not want to make you mad at me, but I do think that you need work at creating characters. There isn't really that mch of a background on anyone but Shadow. Also, there is a problem with the plot. It is...well, not very interesting. It's there, it just doesn't have anything to attract the reader. It is blank, in a way. I hope this helps you with your writing technique because other than that you are a good author and I'm definitely going to check out your other stories. If I may quote you,

Have a nice, abuse-free day!
LordHelen chapter 1 . 3/29/2013
I like this story. It is...different than what I normally read, but it is still interesting. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. But you bring out an amazing character in Shadow. It is good.
xHestiasKiss chapter 1 . 6/12/2012
I;m just wondering how old you are, because you;re all about grammar, and you use such, big, annoying words, I didn't understand the first sentence! You arean annoying critic as well...and I HATE the forum yuare a part of, you should look at my forum! you'll "luv" it!

Have a nice Abuse-free day!

Athena
Guardian of the Flames chapter 1 . 1/11/2012
Hello, Kelvin. I've come to return your favor of reviewing my story by reviewing yours. Your grammar is superb, and I don't think there were any grammatical errors. As for the plot...it was... boring. It wasn't uncomprehendable but it was just bland. It seemed that some characters were gloomy, and that bugged me: I wanted to jump into the stories and yell at them to get over themselves. There wasn't much developement in terms of their past except for Shadow that we didn't already know. Seems like you're not the best at creating characters, either. And, I quote "the embodiment of my online persona" isn't perfect,I know that. But, you aren't perfect at writing either. Oh, and have a nice, abuse free day! _
Wise old p1neapple chapter 1 . 4/23/2011
You live by the sword, you die by the sword
SkipDDR chapter 3 . 1/15/2011
Well that was overall: boring. Sorry, but it just didn't grab my attention at all. And confusing. It sounded to me like you were calling Shadow a she. I honsestly had no knowledge as to who was speaking. You obviously have no writing skills at all. You're lke the kind of person who would right a newspaper article that no one wants to read, yet it takes up half of the news. Go get some skills then come back. And stop flaming people. Obviously, their work is a lot greater then yours. I've seen you're whole "have a nice abuse-free day" thing about a dozen times. Get a life. Grammar and punctuation isn't everyhting there is to writing. Take a look at all the stories you've flamed, then look at yours. It's easyily seen who's story it by far superior.
Sk8abeta chapter 4 . 11/12/2010
Ummmm... That... Was... Ummm... How do I put this?... Boring.

You do realize that writing and editing stories isn't just about having perfect spelling and grammar. (conventions) When editing, you should think, "Does the opening hook the readers?", "Is this appropriate for the target audience?", "Is the plot easy to follow?", and stuff like that. You should think about your ideas, sequencing, plot and more. When I read this, I got lost.

Anyways, another thing that bothers me is that why do you use so many words that are confusing to nine year olds? (The rating is K) Please don't answer me. I don't want to hear from you. You use big words such a Sisyphean. I mean how many nine year olds know what Sisyphean means? They must be a genius to know.

And lastly, Why do you flame so many writers? You are criticizing people and telling them advice that is not effective! You don't have to be so mean! You never flamed me before, even though I know how it's like to be flamed. I feel so sorry for the authors who are victims of your reviews. Believe me, I see a lot of your reviews. There are so many people who dislike you. I am one of them. You have a bad reputation because you flame. Mainly, all your reviews are hatred reviews.

Please do not reply back, but just listen to me. It's time for you to stop! Good day! (Have a nice abuse free day! Seriously, you didn't have to copyright it!)

Please note that I didn't say my fanfiction catchphrase.
Terribly Sharp chapter 1 . 5/21/2010
You're right, my writing does need a little work, I have even reinvented the plot just for you. Most things you said do make sense. Just do remember that if you pick a fight with someone (or in your case someones) then be prepared to fight it. You seem to have made many enemies that don't like your work, mostly because you gave very critical reviews. I give very critical reviews as well, and I think it is right that I finally got a taste of my own medicine. So, instead of being like those other people just saying you suck, I'm going to actually give you a review.

You do have a very acute vocabulary, and your spelling is spot on (Probably because you actually bother to spell-check your work). However, I think the beginning of the story doesn't make sense. You just seem to be filling pages in my opinion, your ideas aren't clear, and you are simply taking the long route instead of getting straight to the point. Making a story long does not make it good. Also, as you said in my review, Shadow should not have used an emoticon in his e-mail. How does that justify him using eeny meeny miny moe in your story?

Also if he can't stand Amy and her happiness, why bother keep her employed? The things that are happening are not clear, and your vocabulary, while quite extensive, is getting in the way of the true plot.

Just remember that if you criticize others works, you must be prepared to get a taste of your own medicine.

I hope you don't let them get to you.

Good luck! ; )

-Elise
mag chapter 1 . 4/21/2010
I felt like Sisyphus reading this chapter. Or in the eighth circle of hell. Lovely. I'd like the 2 minutes this stole from my life back.
maxthegreyhound chapter 1 . 4/13/2010
Z...what? The story? It was...er...nice.
Light Of A Fox chapter 2 . 3/8/2010
ya know i gave ya a 2nd chance but yet again i am sure you critisize every story you hate just to make it look like they suck more than you get a life you jerk i am still new 2 i bet a 1st grader could write better than you trying to entertain or put people to sleep with your extremly dull vocab and yet you dissapoint me and many many people with your horrible may be a consructive critisizer but here is a few tips for your stories before posting so thet dont suck

you comments before posting and see how you would like that comment. down,put down your mind rotting video games pick up a book get a idea for a good story and i mean one that is FICTION NOT NON-FICTION and write proofread it hit yourself for being a jerk to many people post and wait until you get comments and see how you like it when people give you their constructive critism.

like you say have a nice non-abusive
Light Of A Fox chapter 1 . 3/8/2010
listen i saw your review to my story that was my freakin cast for it if you waited till i updated which i am doing now you would see its not to some DUYMPY FORUM!also that made no sense at all!

Hope i didnt ruin your day.

Have a nice junky free .Oh and just remember i am watching for your trash .Remember it wont happen again if you dont trash talk a nice day.
feather2's a douche chapter 1 . 2/7/2010
What the hell, feather2? We don't care if you hate black people! Go suck the K's dick, you racist pussy!
eclipseh chapter 1 . 2/7/2010
I read the first few words and instantly fell asleep. Again, this story is boring, lifeless and uninteresting. There is a reason, believe it or not, that they call it FANFICTION. This is non-fiction. Please go post your boring, tasteless and meaningless crap on some other site, and go ruin their day. Please get off my case and off my planet.

Oh, and have a nice, abuse-free day.
StarVix chapter 1 . 9/28/2009
Uh, yeah. If you don't want people to read this, there is a 'delete story' function, and personally I think you should use it. Don't think I'm being vindictive, but by your own confession on your profile 'if an author has not lived up to your expectations you have a duty to warn the general public.'

I had wanted to read your story because after you so lovingly flamed mine I thought that perhaps you knew something I didn't and I wanted to learn what that was. I now see that you are the classic case of 'pointing to a speck in another's eye when a beam is in yours.'

Sir, you have ZIP description. You describe things, but in such a confusing, bewildering manner that I cannot even begin to comprehend what's going on. I cannot even read this whole chapter, you have left out information in such a disturbing way that I have NO idea what's going on and what you are doing. Get your own stories straitened out, and THEN you may give CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISIZM that will HELP others become better writeres. If someone is doing something wrong, then please tell them how to fix that so that they may write better and the story lives up to your expectations.

Please, you need to explain what's going on better. I know that you state in bold that your story is being worked on, but that's never stopped anyone from reading it. If you truly want to fix it and not have someone read it, then delete it, fix it, and then repost it. Or better yet, make sure it's written the way you want it BEFORE you post it. Call me crazy, but that seems to be the best answer for said situation.
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