|Reviews for If Only|
| Light as Air chapter 2 . 6/7/2008
Well that was unexpected... Isn't this three years before Master Li's student turns twenty and when Sky's daeughter is captured?
| Light as Air chapter 1 . 6/7/2008
Whoa that guy reconiqized him pretty quickly 0_o
I liked your writing skills. I liked how you decribed Gao's arragont character.
| Snorlax-Beanie-Hat chapter 6 . 6/1/2008
I love this story, not many people write about Jade Empire and yours was one of the very first i read, keep it up! Just one thing though, when you said the 'The Amber Mosquito will not fly!' Did you mean the marvelous Dragonfly? That is Kang the Mad's greatest flying machine and the Amber mosquito was the little ones he made. If not then it is just my mistake ha ha! Looking forward to the next chapter, keep writing!
| Lady Evania chapter 5 . 11/3/2007
Very well written, love the way you've taken this storie, with the small changed, but still so you recognize most of it.
I always wished that I could have helped Sky, and now your fic is living out my wish!
Hope to see more, and keep up the good work :)
| A Handful of Words chapter 2 . 11/1/2007
Gods, i love where you've taken this storyline! It so well crafted and well written! LOVE it.
Keep it up!
| Spoiled Martian chapter 4 . 7/27/2007
I really like how you incorporated Hui into the adventure. It offers an interesting twist. Keep up the good work!
| AnneBonny10 chapter 4 . 4/15/2007
This is so cute and so exciting! Can't wait to see what happens next!
| loves-winged-dark-angel chapter 3 . 3/16/2007
Sweet. Keep it up
| Miror Quot chapter 1 . 7/26/2006
| Freesourceful chapter 3 . 7/17/2006
Hmm - I do wonder when this new chapter slid by me? Anyway, I loved the baner between Ai Ling and Sky - very crisp, very sly. _~ Looks like quite a challenge up for the wayward heroes. Looking forward to where their adventures take us!
| Bard of Orlais chapter 3 . 6/1/2006
Other than what Free mentioned about the technical aspects, I really like how the story's shaping up now. Lovely description, especially about the Water Dragon, as well as the surrounding scenery. The story pace flows well, too, without seeming forced. :p
Meh. I'm a pants story reviewer, but I think you're making good progress. Can't wait to see what happens next, whether it be a subtle infiltration or a flat-out assault. Heh, the latter is doubtful. Anyway, carry on! I'm looking forward to what's going to happen next...
| PhoenixWriter7 chapter 3 . 6/1/2006
Excellent chapter, keep them coming. I look forward to more.
| Freesourceful chapter 2 . 5/31/2006
Just a few nitpicky things in this chapter:
1) Too many unnecessary adverbs (words ending in "-ly"). You could cut most of them out and make the story move faster.
2) Still struggling with those awkward transitions. Example:
"She knelt before him and he smiled fondly, as a father might. IN FACT, HE WAS THE ONLY PARENT SHE HAD EVER KNOWN; he had brought her to this school as a baby, though how or why he had taken her in she didn’t know" Overall, this was a rough way to add in background information. It works, yes, but I think you could do better.
3) I found myself not liking Lienn at this moment: "Lienn found Dawn Star just outside the school gate, planting flowers in her garden. She would never understand what her closest friend found so interesting about a bunch of plants, but she had long since given up on arguing about it." To me, this speaks of a character's inability to listen to others, to pay attention, to understand, to think of others. Why would Lienn and Dawn Star even argue about the gardening? What would Lienn rather Dawn Star do instead? Why does Lienn have to force whatever her own values are onto Dawn Star, as suggested in the "arguing"?
| Freesourceful chapter 1 . 5/31/2006
It's nice that you're attempting a fic from the beginning of the story (albeit it's A/U and there are some changes), and it's fun to see the game quotes in a different context. However, awkward sentence constructions like: "to this school purposely so that his schooling would be accelerated" or "Gao’s anger flared; the man’s perfect serenity as he detailed young Gao’s flaws was infuriating" (ambiguous pronoun - who is the "he" of the second half?) take away from the flow of the plot.
I do like the way you're painting the younger Gao, though, and I appreciate that he isn't just a clear-cut ass. Nice detail here: "The boy paused, straightening his posture with a grimace and forcing himself not to limp. His son turned and walked to him, careful not to let on that he was in pain. Gao smiled at the show of strength," and I like that there's genuine caring between the father and son. It suggests the possibility of an interesting contrast against Lienn and Master Li's relationship.
| boredaurorchick chapter 3 . 5/31/2006
Yes, a new chapter! And a brilliant one at that. I got quite excited when I checked my mail and you had updated. Sad, really. Please keep the chapters coming. This story is brilliantly written and I love the way you incorporate dialogue from the game into your fic. Will you be adding any of the other followers as well, or is it strictly Sky and Lienn? (Is she Jen Zi or Scholar Ling or neither? I'm slightly confused on that part.) Please continue with this! It really is incredibly well written, entertaining and creative. Thanks for the great chapter!