Reviews for First Born: Sacred Flame
fiesa chapter 18 . 5/21/2011
There is a sequel!

YAY!

I'm in for a second round of 17 chapters worth of reviews coming in in one batch right now. I hope you don't mind too much!

Well, the review might be shorter this time since I seem to have exhausted my creativity when it comes to say things about brilliant stories. This fan fiction, as the first part of your Thirteen Houses saga, was amazing. A wonderful read, full of great ideas, wonderful dialogues (spoken and thought), great characters and awesome descriptions. I finished it in one day this time, though I didn't have much time today and it's getting late. But I have to drop this review otherwise I won't be able to sleep well! *laugh*

What I probably forgot to mention in my enthusiasm after reading "First Born to the Thirteenth House" was your way of describing the characters. Because your story is AU I expected a certain OOC-ness from Ran and Ken and everyone else. But the way you set them up didn't seem OOC at all to me. They were realistic and intelligent and unique, each one, and not exaggeratedly so. I loved the way Ran panicked when he found Ken on the balcony, the way Ken suddenly became so much more intimate after he realized - how did he call it? that the "we was an us", the undefined outcome of Aya's and Kenji's relationship was beautiful (Yay! I knew it) was fitting and Aya's character exactly as I would have imagined it. Also, Omi and Yohji were portrayed dead-on, I believe. I loved the way Omi says he's fairly good with the crossbow, shoots a demon monster (to be honest, I cannot seem to remember where they were supposed to come from, but I have an idea) and promptly turns green. Yohji was wonderful, too, despising the research at the library and helping Omi nevertheless. Well, to cut a long story short, I think your characters were described perfectly and, most of all, realistically. Of course Ran was cool and indifferent at the beginning and I'm sure he'll be annoyed with Ken many times in the future. And Ken's mixture of seriousness, cheerfullness, annoying habits and doubts, especially at the ending, were perfect. I wouldn't have been so happy with the ending if Ken hadn't freaked at the thought that Ran had only be set up to love him.

Here comes the obligatory list of things and details I loved...

The callings. "Vessel The Source is full"/"Source The Vessel is ready". Brilliant little scraps of something-like-poetry. The idea of a Fourteenth Seat nobowy knew about. Aya's and Kenji's relationship. Ken's ability to use Ran's telepathy to communicate - and the fact that Aya caught his jealousy and anger at Sakura. The fact that Sakura wore a wig. The way the King dropped his fork when they told him Ken was able to hear Aya's and Ran's telepathic communications. Kenji going against his father to end Ran's and Sakura's courtship. The way the Princess and Aya reacted when Ken jumped over the balcony railing to annoy Ran. The fact that Ran's and Ken's magic couple during their sparring (what became of that, by the way? I fear I missed something! .) and they were late for their magic lessons. The summer solstice (of course!) and everything that happened that night. (Strangely, I shortly thought Ran did behave strangely and then thought something like "Oh well, it does fit him if you think about it for some time, and I don't mind", and when it became clear that some part of both of them had reacted to the Seat's magic I came back to that thought. But compellation or not, they do love each other.) The idea of giving out dark cloaks during the maskerade. I always wondered how people wouldn't recognize each other if you do see their dresses and hair and so on. The Epiant Amour thing - I so wondered what those little white cards were meant for until I read the following chapter! The revelation of Ken's and Ran's relationship during breakfast, though I really, really pity Ran. I'm probably more like him than like Ken, I guess... Aya's outburst at the Queen's desk. Manx reappearance (I confess, I'd forgotten she'd stayed at the Thirteenth House...) Two princes and Ken wrestling on the carpet of the living quarters of the Royal Family. The Healing of the Mother Superior and the way Ken was gone when the healer checked her over and found nothing. The way Ran sighed over Ken's advancements and then held him down to kiss him.

And much more. I've probably forgotten things again -.-

What I really, really liked was the way the advancement on the convent of the Sacred Flame felt like a mission for Weiss. Spying on a place. Evaluating the enemies. Splitting up and sneaking inside, encountering enemies, fighting, fleeing... It was perfect. Also, when Yohji and Omi were listing what their enemies would be ("A seer, a telepath and a blood witch or warlock") myu brain sped up and started to work. It sounded like this: Who is this supposed to be? Will she introduce entirely new characters? Because who else was left from the original se- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

SCHWARZ!

And yay, I was right I don't like them particularly either but you found a perfect place for them in this story. Though the ending was rather abrupt (so they're simply gone?) I enjoyed their brief interlude, especially in the way you described them. Schuldig looked hilarious, in his green and yellow stuff. Nagi was overly emotionless, I'd picture him like his young self from the series with a face like Nagi in Gluehen. Making Farfarello a blood warlock was a genius idea once again. It fit him perfectly.

And the ending...

*sigh*

Ken, will you never learn? Ruin a perfectly good ending by disregarding common rules like the simple use of a hankerchief and robbing the reader of the pleasure of one last kiss! Tse-tse.

*laugh*

No, seriously, it was perfect. The ending, the story, everything. A pleasure to read. Thank you for posting it.
Daemonchan chapter 18 . 2/22/2011
These two stories were a very bright spot in my very sick day. _ I was sensing a touch of Shannara here. I read Elfstones before Sword, and it still makes me cry to read about Amberle. My favorite character, however, is Jair. I appreciate the time and effort you took to create this world. I hope that someday you might be inspired to continue.
Vera-Sama chapter 18 . 5/19/2008
Wow. I absolutly loved it. I couldn't wait to see what happened next, but hated to see it end. I found myself thinking atone point "It's a shame Schwarz hasn't shown up..." and then there they were i the very next chapter.

I still wish there were more though, there's so much I'd love to see tied up...like Aya and Keiji, and I have my huntches on the future of Omi and Youji. I know there's the oneshot sequel to this, but something tells me after I read it, I'll still want more.

You've really got a wonderful story here. It's too bad there aren't more stories like this published for everyone to enjoy (I mean, past the fanfic readers.) Well, I'm off to read the oneshot, and probably some of your other stuff as well.

And yes, that is the best unused line. Ever. XD
asinine chapter 18 . 4/18/2008
Ah! Heather! Oh, I forgot how much I loved your stories. They're amazing. I'm supposed to be writing three papers, but instead it's 3:37 in the morning and I'm reading all of your fanfiction. It's amazing. I can't gush enough about how much I love it. There are just so many little idiosyncrasies about your writing that I cannot get over, that I enjoy so much. Little jokes. Little plays on words between characters that seem to fall naturally in to place in the universe you have created. And you've brought Ran and Ken to life in a way that is beyond what anyone else has done for this canon.

You must write more! If not, I will be horribly depressed. Oh, so depressed. :(
fei3 chapter 18 . 7/11/2007
Heya. Just wanted to say that I have utterly enjoyed First Born - both 13th house and Sacred Flame. After much time away from the Ranken fandom, these were lovely re-introductions. You had me literally laughing out loud at times at Ken's "uncouth" antics, and fed the waffy side of me as well. :) And loved the lengthiness of both fics - it's great to be able to escape crappy reality for awhile and be submerged in a wonderful AU. Great stuff!
oliviayuymaxwell chapter 18 . 12/24/2006
A
Kageno Tenshi chapter 18 . 10/8/2006
I wasn'teven looking for Weiss, so I have no idea how I found you, but I am very pleased at the lovely coincedence. _

I've never really read much in the Weiss universe, mainly because I don't know much about it and couldn't really associate myself with the characters because of my lack of knowlege about them, but your blurb on the first in this series was extremely compelling, and I figured it wouldn't hurt to take a quick peak at the first chapter and see how it was.

That was sometime yesterday. I guess I forgot to stop reading... ;

I thouroughly enjoyed both of these stories. It's amazing how independent they are of the Weiss universe. Speaking from the standpoint of one who has little experience with the boys, as it is, these stories are quite capable of standing by themselves without the Weiss universe support. Not many fan-fic authors are capable of writing a story that uses others' creations in such a capable way, fleshing them out and making them more than just Bishounen #2. You gave the boys distinct personalities that were discovered and developed naturally throughout the course of the narrative rather than presenting the reader with a vacuum sealed package of who they were -supposed- to be.

Your use of side characters (can't honestly say I know which were OCs and which were actually from the series ;) was also very well done. I'd go so far as to suggest that you could even place more focus on them and let them play stronger roles in the story. They were all very strongly characterized and could easily carry more wieght.

Your practice of writing out the entire story before you begin posting it seems to have done you good service. The plot for this is very well thought out; I can tell some significant planning went into it.

Though, you did leave a few loose ends, which makes me wonder if you were planning a third installment...

Omi: If this means Ken has to impregnate a nun we could be in real trouble.

Best line in all the world. You are a genius. *sagely nod*

Kageno Tenshi _
Murasaki-yanagi chapter 18 . 10/4/2006
Okay, I admit I'm a bad fanfiction friend. It took my quite awhile to read your story...mostly because I have very little time to be on here. Also I'm going to leave you one big comment instead of lots of little ones. I feel a bit guilty about it but hopefully you won't mind. _ But I'm going to sweeten the deal by sending you some fanart once I finish it. I even found a random one from your other story Tell Him It Wasn't Love.

Overall, I loved every bit of it. You have an amazing talent that I'm so happy you decided to share and filled my dirty pleasure for Ran/Ken. _ I can't wait to see what you have in store next.

Okay on to the specifics! (I even took notes!) The chapters refered to are of your distinction...just so you know. _

-Ch. 1 The author's note that just said "Eh-heh-heh-heh." made me laugh for minutes on end. _

-The courtship with Sakura was so histerical. I just love the part where Ken goes all Storm on her with the lightning. It was nice too how you gave her more story to why she came back...instead of just being a person who just is trying to come between them which is often portrayed in other stories. I mean I don't have much love for her, but it was still nice.

-The Epiant Amoure cards were awesome! Such a funny and original idea. Everyone was taking so many notes, there should have been a quiz! And Ursula so won... _

-I loved how Ran was being such a pervert. And him getting all angry because he can't control himself. I really like the description "a slightly dirty thrill". So cool. Also, hottest carriage ride ever.

-Resplendent great adjective.

-Ch. 12 and some throughout the other chapters I noticed some spelling errors. And I'm not trying to be critical but thought you might want to know. When Ran is touching Ken's hair you said "main" but I think you meant "mane". Also you kept refering to the baths as "bathes". And the border houses as "boarder". At least I think that's what you were refering to. If I'm wrong, sorry.

-Ch. 13 "if anyone can start a fire its a wood boy" Awesome line. Seemingly cheezy especially to the characters but I thought it was brilliant. It seemed like a forgotten tidbit but you brought it right back. Nicely done. It also reminded me of the lyrics "can't start a fire without a spark". _

-Ch. 14 When you were descibing the abilites of the attackers of the temple I was all curious of who it could be. And when you brought it Schwarz I didn't even realize it would be them but it was so perfect and made absolute sense. I felt silly that I couldn't figure it out. But that's just a testament to your narrative skill.

-Ch. 15 I like how you compared Farfarello's hair to Keiji's (Glühen Youji) hair in Ken's mind. A nice little detail. I thought you did a great job with writing Schwarz. I also tend to use other fanfiction to characterize them. I think alot of different fanfiction has explored the characters more and almost fleshed out their personalities more than in the show. I also enjoy the version of Schuldig who is very flamboyant and teases Brad relentlessly. _

So yeah! Fantastic job! I would have been cool to see some relationship fruition between Keiji/Aya and Youji/Omi but I can see how that would have been way more work and not completely necessary. The hinting was tantalizing though... But thank you again and I'll be sending some goodies your way soon! _
fullmetalguitar chapter 18 . 9/1/2006
*happy sigh* Yay
fullmetalguitar chapter 15 . 9/1/2006
Once again, I stumble upon your work when sleep SHOULD AND MUST but doesn't come to me. _ I read the one before this and most of this all in one go, and I didn't plan on reviewing 'til I finished, cause I don't like to stop while reading... but I just had to say this.

*HEADWALL* It took me alot longer than it should have to realize who their oppenents were. At least.. who I think they must be... _ Okay, I SO need to hurry and read more! _ *MUST FIND OUT*
cruiseberry chapter 18 . 8/23/2006
You know, all your stories are awesome. I can't believe I read them all in two days... and now my back hurts like hell. But it was worth it and I still think that reading great fics (like this one) really is one of the best ways to spend time when you're alone.

I like the way you write Ran/Ken and it's simply hilarious to read the parts about how they try to conceal their feelings in public. They're just so cute, even though they are a bit OOC sometimes. But after all, that's perfectly undestandable as they're paired... and in love.

It was really great that you put in two painfully short moments of romance between Aya and the future King. I felt so sorry for Aya when her brother just seemed to think about Ken and forget about her at times. So it's only fair that she also found someone to 'use as a pillow'... if she choses to accept his offer of marriage, that is.

You're an talanted writer and I'm looking forward to your next fic and perhaps a sequel to this one too...? Or maybe that's too much to hope for.

Anyway, good luck!
Snowgirl melting into honey chapter 18 . 6/26/2006
_

*Very happy and grins widely* We all know you're planning another sequel aren't ya? *nudge nudge* O, and now that you've put Schwartz into the story, you can't mean to End it there, right? *sighs happily* either way, for now i'm sated, cuz Ran and Ken finally got together. Considering Aya and Keiji's relationship is still unsolved permanantly that means more right? XD *Will wait for more!* Unless you plan to create another medieval Ran/Ken story? :D *big hopes for that one*

Please be inspired ASAP XD
The Weaver Atropos chapter 18 . 6/17/2006
I loved the unused line, by the way.

And that's Eszett, isn't it? I look forward to your next fic.
The Weaver Atropos chapter 17 . 6/17/2006
That was amazing.

I LOVED the way Farfie lost his eye (I actually hadn't even noticed Farf had two eyes until an arrow messed one up). So it's cool how you included that in there. The humour near the end with Ran and Ken was pretty cute, too (and the spitting was hilarious).

Loved it!
hasleftthesite chapter 18 . 6/15/2006
Ah it's finished! I must say that I was surprised when I saw that you had updated two chapters and immediately I got this dreading feeling that it would be the two last chapters and I was right. But two chapters at the same time, which also are the last of the story, means that I can write a super long review, ne? Just kidding, I'll try to behave myself.

I found the way you described the dimension in which Ken and Ran were, after being engulfed by the Sacred Flame, really beautiful.

The representation of the Sacred Flame as a child was so cute. I immediately fell in love with the little firy bundle. And the way Ken and Ran interacted with the Sacred Flame was so kawaii. It immediately made me think of two parents with their child.

I loved how you let the tears be little flames that leaked out of the Sacred Flame child's eyes. It was just such a nice detail and it just made me love the child even more.

And then the scene that we already knew for a part from Omi's vision. When I read it at first as part of Omi's vision, I already found it a very nice and full of love picture but now with the Sacred Flame as a child added to it, it was even more beautiful and heart warming. It was just such a nice family portrait! It made me immediately smile and filled my heart with a warm feeling.

I also loved how Ran taught the Sacred Flame to shield itself by using that lullaby song. So sweet! Yep Ran and Ken would definitely make great parents.

And I found it also very cute that you kept referring to Chiho as the Sacred Flame's mama. In a way it was just very fitting considering how the renewal of the Sacred Flame takes place.

Speaking of Chiho, I guess that she has changed so much from that sweet young woman to this determined and single minded woman due to the fact that she is kinda the Sacred Flame's mother and also feels like this. Her mother instinct is probably playing up and all she wants to do is protect her child, keep it from any harm.

I also love the fact that the Seats and now also the Sacred Flame can think and act on their own. Although if they ever would decide to turn against humanity, I wouldn't want to be there.

I don't agree with the fact that Schuldig believes that he would have been able to read Ran's mind provided he hadn't told the redhead so soon that he was also a telepath. I think that Ran would have felt Schuldig's probing right away and would have slammed his shields down in a heartbeat thus leaving Schuldig none the wiser.

Well Omi may not believe their luck while Yohji, Chiho and him are making their way to the Sacred Chamber, but I can't believe it either. I really thought that they wouldn't have been able to get to Chiho that easily. I thought that they would have walked into a trap or that at least they would have had to fight of Farfarello before they could save Chiho. Ah well.

You just have to love the way you made Farfarello loose his eye. When I read how Omi's bolt pierced through his cheek and excited through his left eye, I just went like "auwch". And I can understand perfectly that Omi saw a little green after this. Just imaging it made my stomach already turn a bit so what to think of when you see it happening in front of you and on top of that you were the one who fired the bolt. Still I agree with Yohji. It was most definitely a very nice shot.

Yohji was also way cool here with the way he was using his magic. And the wire magic was a very nice reference to Yohji's original weapon by the way. I just love how you work all these things into your story so nicely.

The teamwork from our four heroes was great. I just love some good teamwork in a battle and our boys really showed some. They really have learned to work well together and to trust each other. Nice!

I am however confused about Crawford's vision. How the heck did he manage to get one? Weren’t Omi’s powers blocking his powers?

"A blink of the eye later Farfarello was at its centre." man I have to say that this was just a very rude sentence considering the fact that Farfarello had just lost one eye. Nah, just kidding. I loved this sentence because I immediately thought about Farfarello's lost eye and thus the sentence took on for me some dark sort of humour.

But you made Schwartz get away without a really very heated battle. (pouts) I must say that I had really hoped on a much heavier and full out confrontation between the two parties. Yet I guess there is always next time (hint, hint, hint). Hm let me see. I guess Farfarello would want to take revenge on Omi who managed to rip out his left eye. Schuldig is so vain that he probably is still boiling about the locks of hair he lost due to Ran's great expertise in battling so he will go after Ran. Nagi clearly has it for Ken with the way he turned his dull, nearly dead eyes on Ken before disappearing from the courtyard and besides those two boys seem to be the ones with the greatest potential. And this leaves Crawford for Yohji to deal with. I know that aren't the normal pairings from the show but who cares. It even may be refreshing to see other fighting pairs than those on the show.

Go townsfolk! Just like in some good old horror movie. Despite their fears, they come to lend a hand to the heroes of the story and reclaim what was theirs.

The cleansing part of the Sacred Flame was also way cool and a nice detail in some way cause I had already forgotten that they still needed to take care of what Schwartz magical wise left behind.

So cute how you let Ran press his and Ken's legs together every so often under the table. It made me smile. They really are so right for each other!

I just loved (man it feels like the only thing I do is just loving your chapter, LOL) the whole explanation regarding the Sacred Flame. Everything that has happened leading to the renewal of the Sacred Flame and many things from the history of the Seats just fits all so nicely within the explanation and it ties also a lot of things together. I really loved reading it.

Had to laugh at how the Mother described the visit of the professors and the professors themselves. They really do sound like idiots. I mean come on. Clean the chimney and everything will be back okay? Man I just had a good laugh with this.

The renewal of the one thousand years old Sacred Flame kinda makes me wonder if Ken would have been able to do the renewal if he hadn't possessed Kase's powers also. I mean a 10 years renewal is two times a 500 year renewal and Ken does have two magics in himself. I wonder if someone with only one magic granted by the Seat would have been able to pull it of.

I also agree with the Mother that probably all the previous second twins, except for the first one, have never known about their role in helping to keep that ancient Evil locked away.

Well Ken managed to stay seated pretty long considering the fact that he didn't want to go to the tea-party at all in the first place. I did however expect his reaction. Heck how couldn't I have foreseen it seeing as I have mentioned what's going on in Ken's head, about his relationship with Ran and him, myself in previous reviews? I have made also comments about it and have raised my own doubts about it all. I didn't however expect that Ken would just leave the premises without the others but in a way it is very Ken like to do this. So I have to admit that I just loved Ken's reaction.

And then the conversation between Ken and Ran, I just had tears in my eyes. Poor Kenken. Thinking not only that Ran and his relationship was due to the fact that the vow had to be kept but even his own existence, man that is so sad! I had never thought about it that far. I already found that the poor boy had troubles enough with just having to deal with the fact that the Sacred Flame may have been responsible for Ran and his love. But you just raised it all an emotional level higher. Damn you! (blows her nose a few times) Luckily Ran knew exactly the right things to say. (hugs Ran)

I would have loved for Ran and Ken to go and visit the Sacred Flame. It would have been cute to see Ken and Ran go and see their little baby, LOL.

The last part of the Ran and Ken scene had me laughing really hard. It was such a nice ending and it really lightened back the sphere after that emotional turmoil scene from before. Man I could already see it playing out in front of me. It was very Ken and Ran like and it was just the perfect ending!

The epilogue was also very nice and actually the perfect epilogue. But does this mean that you are going to continue the First Born arc or are you just leaving it open just in case? Anyway, I wouldn't mind another sequel (once again hint, hint, hint).

As for your notes, I didn't know that Ken had a girlfriend during the J-League. See, you learn something new every day.

I loved the 'Epiant Amoure' card game. It was a very nice and fun idea. I really have had some good laughs due to this game.

And to finish, it really is a shame you didn't put in that line "If this means Ken has to impregnate a nun we could be in real trouble.". I would really have loved seeing it appear somewhere in the story. I can already imagine some reactions from certain people, LOL.

Thank you for sharing this wonderful story with us (bows respectfully) and I hope with all my heart that the Muses will inspire you to write even more great stories.

Kisses and hugs

Gillie

Man, I still can't believe that at first I didn't like the First Born arc. I really must have had rocks in my head or something like that.
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