|Reviews for The Crueler Side of the Pokeball|
| Pfft chapter 3 . 3/11/2008
The idea the pokemon shouldn't understand any words realistically is completely wrong, even if they are merely animals.
Dogs, like you mentioned, /without being taught/ can learn 197 different words. Smarter ones, like border collies, 200 . Border Collies are one of the few dogs actually bred to follow complex commands based on words, not merely gestures, so pokemon should have intelligence more like a border collies, if they can understand words. You see, dogs still learn gestures even more easily than words; most of the so called 'words that they learn to respond to as commands' are actually gestures in their mind that happen to be accompanied by words. They learn gestures much more rapidly; evidence also suggests that primitive man might have first developed language without words but with gestures, suggesting that this is some sort of prelude to using actual words to communicate.
Look up Rico the Border Collie, even if you don't do anything else.
Dogs, even the stupidest ones, are also capable of understanding that if a human has his or her eyes open it means something different than if they have their eyes closed, and are more likely to not only disobey a master if they see they have their eyes closed, but to beg for a treat from a human who has their eyes open. Dogs also respond differently to a fearful yelp than they do an angry tone. Do you realize what this means? Pokemon can be portrayed as animal-like without you having to completely sacrifice many of the points from the world.
Wild animals do behave much differently from captive ones due to breeding for different characteristics; if I may suggest, however, this does not mean that Pokemon are incapable of behaving more like captive animals. If a pokemon that is caught and then released has a better breeding rate in the wild than others released who do not understand humans just as well, then that individual will pass on their human-understanding genes much more rapidly.
| Pfft chapter 3 . 2/4/2007
Nice. I've been looking for a realistic fic for awhile.
| Pokeprof chapter 3 . 3/28/2006
Wow, very interesting idea you have. I can't really say anything because I have no idea where your going to take it outside of making it closer to reality. But really how close can you get with electric rodents and a 28 1/2 foot rock snake?
| Perri Lightfoot chapter 3 . 3/28/2006
Pikachu are not mice. Mice don't climb trees, squirrels and pikachu do. Squirrels often have long tufts on their ears, giving them the illusion of long, tapering ears like pikachu, mice have hairless tails, pikachu and squirrels both have furry, fluffy tails. Squirrels tend to have a personality more suited to pikachu as well, as mice tend to be timid, squirrels can and will attack larger creatures and engage in mischief. I can name a lot more reasons why I consiter chus to be members of the squirrel family rather than mice (Marills are mice. Pikachu, sandshrew, and rattata aren't the pokedex lies), but I won't bore you with that _;
Personally, I don't see pokemon in game canon as being sentient, except the legendaries. In Pokemon Adventures manga canon, pokemon are described as being "trained" by commands, and will only commit certain actions, such as defending their partner, when commanded to by the trainer (pokemon who do this on their own are said to be highly special and unusual). So basically, it's only anime canon and the gag manga canons that want to turn pokemon into little humans. Again, only legendaries are really sentient in Adventures canon (just bought all 21 books in the series so far and read 'em, so it's fresh in my mind _;) I stick to the dog theory myself for Adventures and game canon, and those are what I stick to in my own fics when it comes to the way pokemon act.
Also, you might want to give pikachu a gender based pronoun (male or female) because real animals, and pokemon too, have genders, and it would add to the realism if you decided on a gender for the little tree rat.
Anyway, another good solid entry. Your simplistic writing style is actually a help here; short, sparse sentences add to the emotion and the storytelling style, and, dare I say it, the gritty reality. :) I wonder what the talk will be...
What else I think would be interesting to do in your fic is to bring up the other countries of the Pokeverse. Such as China, Guyana, Australia, India, the United States...too many people choose to ignore the fact that the Pokeverse is an alternate form of our planet with different animals and added countries, and they're missing out on really getting to explore teh world. It would make even more sense in a realism based fic to acknowledge that this is canon - maybe Ash's father met his end doing something in one of these mysterious countries?
Keep writing. You know how to capture one's interest! :)
-Pink Parka Girl
| Menno Simons chapter 3 . 3/28/2006
this is all right, but really short. and btw, Pikachu is based off of the pika, not the moouse as is generally thought. The pika! google it up or something if you don't know what it is... it's pretty unheard of...
| Jewl4Life chapter 2 . 3/15/2006
this is a cool story. I really like it. Please post a new chapter up soon.
| the dark icon writers chapter 2 . 3/14/2006
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you for writing such a good fic. It's going to be fun seeing where this goes, especially in this world. Keep it up! I'll be waiting!
| Perri Lightfoot chapter 2 . 3/13/2006
You have a gift for writing children's feelings _ Ash is so cute. I'm enjoying this fic more and more, from all the logic and thought and interesting ideas you inject. (Though if you're really going for realism, I wouldn't even give Meowth powers of speech, or anthropomorphize Pikachu too much. I recommend looking up what real squirrel behavior is to keep Pikachu in the character of a real animal, not a miniature human). Keep up the good work, and the good ideas :) We need more realism-based fics in the pokemon fandom...
PS - Thanks for making the changes. Things are much better now without crazy talking druggy Oddish! :) As for them being high, as another reviewer mentioned, the only way I see that happening is for a foolish druggy trainer to smoke around one, and it getting a little crazy from all the secondhand smoke.
-Pink Parka Girl
| Maverick Hunter Cyros chapter 2 . 3/12/2006
Ah, glad you fixed that first chapter. And had Delia worry about criminals, prostitutes and the generally weird people (like otakus XD). I'm glad my advice was taken to heart.
As for the second chapter, funny on how Oak would hide out in the basement to avoid Ash's reaction, even though it went better than I'd expect from his anime version. Definitly more like behavior in our world. Keep up the good work!
| Menno Simons chapter 2 . 3/12/2006
pretty good. and one thing: if you have team rocket, at least give them guns and not be complete retards.
| Menno Simons chapter 1 . 3/8/2006
thanx for edoing that chapter, cause the cannabalistic smoking oddishes really ruined it. and if u do bring back the smoking oddishes, don't have them speaking like humans, please, because it could ruin a good story.
| Yuki Tsukihana chapter 1 . 3/7/2006
oh, a serious rewrite of Pokemon. I'm intrigued. yes, with the way things are in the pokemon world, I would imagine something like this to happen, where an eventual economic slump would happen due to a lack in the workforce.
and the fact that children have to be smarter. it makes sense, but this would also be a complete rewrite of Satoshi's (Ash's) character. I'm looking forward to seeing how you do that.
also, I for one believe that the pokemon world isn't all the creators make it out to be. after all, there was that episode in the first season where the Ptera (Aerodactyl) was going to eat Satoshi. what I didn't like is later, with Shigeru (Gary), they turned it vegetarian (or so it seemed). I believe that carniverous pokemon eat other pokemon. I believe that pokemon like pikachuu are on the bottom of the food chain due to being rodents (hence the handy adaptation of producing electricity).
I also find it highly ironic that your Oddish are smoking weed. XD that raises the question: could you consider them cannibals because of that?
also, would this be a bit more like the Pokemon Special manga? which introduces the more serious side of pokemon, with the idea that pokemon do have the ability to kill humans, whether through poison, strangulation, or other methods.
anywho, please excuse my rather long review, but as soon as I read your foreword, I was interested in this fic and to see how it would turn out.
one thing: your transition from fanfic to author's note is, well, abrupt. I know is odd about the double-returns, but there's a button which allows you to place a line that seperates different parts. I would suggest using that line twice: once before your fic (for disclaimers and pre-A/N, if any), and after (as in, after the fic, yet before the A/N).
other than that, I look forward to reading more :3
| Maverick Hunter Cyros chapter 1 . 3/7/2006
Like it was said, nice and realistic at first, but once you got the talking Oddish... you threw the beginning of the story on the ground, and let robotic rhinos stampede on it. And then a monkey spilt has coconut milk on it. And etc.
If it were trained Oddish (that didn't talk), then yes it would seem more realistic. My recommendation is for editting this first chapter. And of course, if you want one of the Oddish to be high, you could have the trainer give the little sprout a puff or two. Not very normal, but still realistic enough to happen.
| Perri Lightfoot chapter 1 . 3/7/2006
The remise was a fasinating hook (I try to write the pokémon world as realistically as possible myself, but I don't see many others attempting that), and the fic was well done and interesting in its manner of storytelling...until the talking, sunglass wearing, gun toting, pot smoking Oddish. So much for realism, and horray for destroying the entire story.
The idea would work a lot better if you chose to write the fic seriously. Besides, overanthropomorphising pokémon is one of the biggest flaws of the fandom; I'd think a fic supposedly based on how the earth is now would be by far the least likely senario to engage in such a lazy path to take. Basically, all I can say is really try sticking to making the fic realistic. It'll be so much more meaningful in the long run. As of right now, only the beginning part works in my eyes.
By the way, game canon is loaded with references to the fact that pokemon often eat other pokemon (what on earth else would the carnivores eat?), so no, it's not an unadressed issue. :)
-Pink Parka Girl