|Reviews for Comfort|
| Fonkirby chapter 1 . 2/24/2010
Forgive me but...are not the point of summaries to tell the potential reader what they are to expect?
As your summery starts out I expected it to be about the Eirika/Tana couple. Yes, it is true you did get them together, HOWEVER, Tana still marries Ephraim at the end.
So...with your summery, it is very misleading and that is exactly what it did to me. I walked in expecting something nice and happy with those two only to get dumped with the depressing "only for tonight" crap.
| Roselia Rose chapter 1 . 12/6/2008
This was such a bittersweet story. I loved how Erika and Tana were able to express there feelings but it was said to know that it would only last for a single night.
| Kitsilver chapter 1 . 6/1/2008
I usually avoid long one shots because they tend to drag, going on and on with too much description and not enough focus or plot. I usually avoid shoujo-ai/yuri in the FE section because they usually feels forced, unnatural, and I can't ever see it happening. But this fic is well done.
Dialogue is natural and telling. It moves the piece along and tells us how the characters are feeling without having to state those emotions explicity.
Descriptions are short, specific, and interesting. I like how Innes's discomfort is shown by his increasing inability to hit anything with that bow. The description of the black lacy dress is also highly amusing.
Ephraim's business-like demeanor, Tana's bubbly persona, Innes's curtness and discomfort with emotions, and Eirika's jealousy and feelings of loss are in character.
My only real criticisms are in that final scene with Eirika and Tana. I understand that it's an emotional moment, but there are so many exclamations thrown about that it feels melodramatic and insincere. The bit with them in the bed is also a bit disturbing, not because of what they're doing, but the words that are used to describe it. "Vivid red leaving vivid red...shivers running down both their spines like snakes...they pressed their lips together again viciously...and the gentle rake of their finely filed nails along their bodies were vibrant and stimulating." Red, snakes, vicious, rake, and nails especially leave an impression of something painful and grasping, not exactly the tenderness and affection that I would expect. I can't say what you're going for, but it feels wrong for me.
Still, it doesn't lessen my enjoyment of the story. This piece is well written, developed, and easy to read. Good work.
| Lord Tangent chapter 1 . 10/7/2007
wow...you'd think ephraim's twin senses would tingle...
plus, she had sex w/his fiance...
you'd think he'd at least be a little pissed.
| Ormiss chapter 1 . 3/22/2006
Hm. Soft skin, gentle breeze. I suppose those are the words that come to mind.
From the introductory sequence and the ending scene, I had almost thought that Ephraim were regaling his loyal knight with a most detailed and explicit account of this... scandalous indiscretion in the night. However, judging by what Ephraim said at last, it does not seem as though that is the case.
The paragraphs beckon me to keep reading. Your language is impeccable, and there is an excellent flow to your prose, although it is difficult to tell the writer's voice from the characters' musings. Your grasp on detail is remarkable, but on occasion becomes a bit disorienting in regards to the flow (the lines about the alcohol, for instance.)
You portray Eirika's emotions in a subtle manner, although it seems to me like Eirika does not confuse her emotions quite as much as she seems to think. She vacillates between perplexion and perception at times.
The archery sequence is excellent. Again, subtle, as an indication of the prince's emotions. The scene in the tailor's shop was tense, uncomfortable... Good ambience.
As for the final exchange between Eirika and Tana, it seemed to me like the story goes from an utterly cynical point of view-voice, if you will-to a much fuzzier one. Perhaps this was your intention, but it was sudden. In this scene, Tana's thoughts are also suddenly available to the reader, without a switch (that I could see) from Eirika's point of view.
Overall, good job. I am not much of a yuri fan, but it was a good read.
| black dragon of destruction chapter 1 . 3/13/2006
this story was different but it was still pretty good
| Maxmagnus20019 chapter 1 . 3/9/2006
Oh... I really liked this, so cute, so in-character.
| Sara Jaye chapter 1 . 3/9/2006
Wow. Bittersweet, beautiful, well-written, good characterization. About time there was some Eirika/Tana on this site! Good job!
| Wolf from the Hidden Flames chapter 1 . 3/8/2006
(runs up to you and gives you a bone-crushing hug) THANK YOU! YOU JUST MADE MY DAY! OH I'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR SOME SHOUJO-AI GOODNESS! THANK YOU SO MUCH! (gives a shiny medal) Mwah, my fav pairing might be Lyn/Florina but I adore ANY shoujo-ai. Especially anything with Eirika cause she is SO COOL!
I loved this! Very indepth and a tad confusing but that's good because I usually have a brilliant mind. The angst at the ending! The pure angst followed by femenish love. (sighs happily) (gives you another bear hug) My hero!
I have a few shoujo-ai fic if ya wanna check 'em out!
| R Amythest chapter 1 . 3/8/2006
... You know, I've never thought of you as a yuri writer, so this really struck me as a surprise. A pleasant one, yes, but still a surprise. XD
Umm, let me review this as I go through it. But first, please understand that I've actually never played FE8 through in English, and most of my understanding of Seima comes from the ramblings of my friends. XD
Innes's character is portrayed very well from what I've seen of him. Bitter and arrogant, but a family man all the same. Aww, warm fuzzies.
The description in that scene is lovely and creative as well: "The sun bit and nagged at Innes’ feet, at his collar cinched too tight and too high, at the buttons and the fringes of his vest, and at the tips of his fingers. The heat trampled his face, prickled his eyes, sweated his skin and generally bothered him. The sun laughed and mocked him." The little details especially add to the mood of the scene: "He fidgeted and looked off into the distance."
The air of the social life of the nobles was portrayed nicely. Not sure how to say anything in detail about that, but that's that.
"It was a skimpy little dress, honestly, made up of frilled black lace in skin-trellis patterns, and at the bodice were small strips of cloth fashioned precisely in the places they should be (though perhaps it would have been more favorable for the bystanders had they not been present). The bottom of the thing seemed to end far before it was supposed to. Maybe the panties came free?"
You have no idea how much this paragraph amused me. And at moments like these, sometimes - and excuse the mild sexism - you can't help but remember that the writer is male. X3
The fat man with the odd "Hrhmm!"s was most amusing, and his presence's effect on Eirika was a nice detail to mention.
Also, it's nice to see the development of Eirika's mental dialogue shift from best friend slowly to love.
"The tailor’s shop had emptied quickly; now only a single shopkeeper behind a simple counter stood looking very bored,"
This change in setting is a bit sudden.
The actual shoujo-ai scene's dialogue was a bit sudden, though. I like the "I hate you, I'm jealous of you, but I love you" concept, but the way it's said is a bit soapy. And I really shouldn't say things about characters in a game I've never played, but Eirika's speech style seems a bit off.
[/mature]... Oh, by the way, very sexy yuri scene.[mature]
"An attendant appeared at the door, urging Ephraim to hurry or he would miss the ceremonies- adding, with a mischievous smile, that Lady Tana looked absolutely ravishing in her blue dress."
I like how the story's details unify with this line.
The end scene wrapped it up rather nicely, coming back to the beginning, although it confused me until I scrolled back up. Also, Ephraim's actual story... I've little clue what it actually was. Because Seth seems to be more informed, but Ephraim has no clue why Tana is changed, whereas if he really knew what his sister and Tana were doing... ahem. XD