|Reviews for Shadow Fox|
| Walk The Max Planck chapter 4 . 10/2/2013
I loved how short the flashback of Naruto meeting Kyo was; it was just funny how short and simple it was. It seems like you were making fun of how overly long many flashbacks about meeting people are, and if that wasn't your intent the it still made me snort with amusement anyway.
| Too lazy to log chapter 7 . 9/16/2013
You're an ass about pairings but your so right !
| ThatGuy chapter 14 . 9/2/2013
Lol it seems in the anime, all it did take was a genjutsu to control the kyuubi.
Great story by the way!
| 5th Dimension chapter 16 . 8/19/2013
Mary Sue/Marty Stu is a term of multiple meanings. There are multiple kinds of Mary Sues. The basic meaning that everyone uses the term for is one of three things: Overpowered character, self-insert character, or generically perfect character. There are also these kinds (names and descriptions from tvtropes):
Black Hole Sue — Everything is about me!
Purity Sue — Love me!
God Mode Sue — Power overwhelming!
Mary Tzu —I knew you would do that. In fact, I knew you would do that before I even met you, cuz I'm JUST THAT GOOD!
Jerk Sue — I'm a complete and utter bitch and I have constant PMS...love me!
Possession Sue — My favorite character is an even better version of me!
Copy Cat Sue — I'm just like my favorite character, but even kewler! (This article is where I found a link to you.)
Relationship Sue — You're my boyfriend now!
Sympathetic Sue — Feel sorry for me!
Anti-Sue — I'm genuinely useless, but everybody still loves me!
Villain Sue — I have you now, my beautiful slaves! Ahahahahahahaha!
Fixer Sue — No, that's not how it's supposed to go!
Parody Sue — Why don't they fall for my buxom charms?
You can decide for yourself whether or not the Kin as you make her fits any of these or not. I suggest going to TvTropes(.org) and looking up Mary Sue for yourself if you're not sure, or taking a Mary Sue Litmus Test.
| 5th Dimension chapter 7 . 8/19/2013
I've only gotten to chapter 7 because I'm reading your rants.
Your story is boring. It took a few re-readings to realize why.
It is very mechanical. It reads like a story made by a computer taking what it knew of Naruto and basic storytelling and combining the two together. This is made worse by the lack of shown (rather than told) events, the author's notes you put everywhere, the occasional remarks about fangirlish behavior (in your story, even, not just in your rants), the grammatical errors, the constant Japanese suffixes, and the dull, predictable, and blocky romance overloaded with way too many romantic cliches.
Your story up until this point can be summed up as thus: Sasuke dies but doesn't actually. Sakura yells at Naruto, who runs away. Naruto talks with fox-demon, who sends him on a path to obtain new powers out of seemingly nowhere (a little creative, mind you, but still not great). Naruto ends up on the opposite side of what he was in canon. Kin is painfully obviously connecting with him, with nothing left to the imagination or implied. Naruto must be sent back to his hometown because plot, and sees Sasuke, causing more weird angst (I don't remember angst being a large part of Naruto).
This might be a cool concept, but you don't do it well. You talk on and on with lots of details, but this is both overwhelming and boring. I want some things left to my imagination. Reading is an escape, not a study of events. This is partly why so many people write about romances you don't like and insert author-inserts. They're taking themselves out of reality. If you can't do that, your stories will always be dull.
Orochimaru's part in your story is kind of strange. He was a creepy bastard in the manga. He had powers that were terrifying and a mind so twisted that I wanted him to die (very rare for me, as I don't usually get that invested in characters). You've managed to turn him into a villain with the same goals but a generic personality. He isn't Orochimaru. You should just call him "Villain." Or "Campy Schemer Villain" if you want to be accurate.
Getting the character right is important. I'm not reading your story to read about "Campy Schemer Villain." I'm reading it to read about alternate-possibility Orochimaru and the rest.
I don't normally comment this much on stories, but with your rants, I almost have to. It's strange to me that you can see so much bad without identifying what truly makes for bad storytelling.
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/13/2013
I agree with that you said in your a/n and so far the fic is good
| Rosey Fox chapter 4 . 7/23/2013
LOL, You think 85% of NaruHina fics end like that? One shots do not count, and if they do here is every other character, oc or not with Naruto...
'Oooh, hey there stud, i'm so grateful that you saved me - Karin'
'Its no problem at all lady! I just like to help! - Naruto'
'Well how bout you let us help you, big boy - Mei'
'Alright! - Naruto'
| SkyRage chapter 4 . 5/20/2013
I agree with you on ALMOST everything you have said so far, although I do like the Neji/Ten pairing.
| juvenual chapter 18 . 4/26/2013
i like this story alot its great!
| Guest chapter 4 . 3/31/2013
So far me like your story and your about the overflow of naru/hina I would like to say"I THANK YOU AND BLESS YOUR SOUL"I totally understand you and to honest I'm a fan of I say "hell with naru/hina fics cz their all are written like shit"(virtual hug and kiss)
| nero swordblade chapter 4 . 3/22/2013
very good but you need a bit more ideas for the extra stories at the end and also i know this is a story for 2006
| nero swordblade chapter 2 . 3/22/2013
actually even though you said "To anyone who read about halfway through this chapter and quits thinking that it is another "Kyuubi trains Naruto" fic, then you are wrong," you just turned it around it's not the kyubi who trained him it was shadow-fox which is somehow same to kyubi exept about the appearance, and personality but i still like all of this GOOD JOB!
| Koda Aya chapter 2 . 2/10/2013
I really laughed in chapter 2. Starting great already :)
| Sleyman chapter 13 . 1/29/2013
...Yup. I think there is going to be a palm-print on my face after this.
I held out on reviewing so far, but I can't just NOT comment at this point in the story.
To keep things brief, the way the characters -all of them- act is is deeply confusing. On one hand, they act like high-school drama students playing caricatures of Naruto characters with zero hours of practice or study. And on the other hand, half of them seem to be bipolar, uncomplicated souls that wantonly overreact to everything without giving half a thought to what will transpire immediately after.
The way some of the sentences and paragraphs are constructed is a little...disquieting. As in... I can't escape the feeling that they have some kind of hidden meaning or implicit message that I am consistently failing to grasp due to lack of explanation and/or context. The general tenor of the story also makes me feel like to properly "enjoy" it, I would need some kind of troll-creature following my reading over my shoulder and gently elbowing me in the side to try and encourage me to actually crack a grin at what may or may not be jokes.
More interestingly, for me at least, is the near-unbearable levels of *Marty Stu* going on. I'll grant that it was subtle at first, but by this chapter it has become glaringly obvious that Naruto is now harder/faster/stronger/smarter than everyone else (of-or-around the same age, at least). I guess all he needed to explosively improve was to run away from the highly organised and high-quality training Konoha could offer and go play with magical foxes that exist "because of reasons." I would personally put massive emphasis on the theory that Kimimaro taught him a disproportionally massive amount that the time frame or exposition would suggest, but Naruto's nonsensically efficient solo-training would seem to debunk that. I also refuse to believe that Orochimaru would ever be that accommodating with anyone for any reason ever.
You ranted a few chapters ago about self-insert characters, which I was willing to overlook at the time, but if you HAD put the "super-powered Naruto mock-story" in THIS chapter I would have needed to grow extra hands in order to give you the correct number of thumbs-up for irony.
| chrysanths chapter 2 . 1/8/2013
Honestly, I hated this chapter. I can't continue to read, but I will say what I thought was wrong...
Ninja in the Naruto-verse are more complex than the cliche all-black wearing "ninja" of popular culture. They need to be able to blend into civilian crowds, besides the obligatory would you take an orange jump-suited ninja seriously in battle? In direct combat, this should be seen as a bonus, NOT as a point of weakness. Maybe muted earthy tones would have sufficed but these kinds of choices make it impossible for me to take you seriously as a writer. The ANBU wear lots of black but it appears part of their profession, as uniform.
Admittedly, if attire was just personal preference, then he could have kept his hair color but wore a bandana when necessary. Personally, I always loved the fanfiction associated idea that being able to be stealthy in such bright clothes would have been the ultimate in tests for a stealth focused shinobi.
I liked the Kyuubi/Naruto relationship but that was a deal breaker for me.
Thank you and have a nice day.