Reviews for Deva 01: Path of Vengeance
Jman12394 chapter 3 . 3/12/2014
Got to love characters like that, they start as simple people and then they kinda write themselves a history and then the story goes from there. So I can't wait to see where this guy comes from.

Aoi means love or something like that?
Ayyarin chapter 10 . 7/22/2013
Absolutely beautiful! Such excellent links all the way through: the world inside Hellblade, Wilhelm, the dragon even - all of it was fantastic! And even though Sara was dead before the story ever began, she was just as much of an active character as everyone else involved.
The feeling of friendship in the story was just wonderful.
I loved it!
Ayyarin chapter 2 . 7/22/2013
The prologue and chapter one was fabulous! It was written very well, excellent description and explanation, and you've captured their personalities quite accurately from what I've read so far.
It's hard to imagine someone more powerful than Nanoha, Fate and Hayate's team. It really gives an idea of just how powerful Akira is.
ReploidCat chapter 6 . 9/10/2012
I'd personally appreciate the tragic villain some more, if I could see things from his POV, like have a part written from his part. The thing that most stands out to me right now, is how utterly broken Akira seems to be.
Selryam chapter 10 . 4/8/2010
A big epic story. You've great writing skill and a creative mind, crafting this interesting and original story with good OCs. I liked the portrayal of Hayate in this work almost as much as I did Akira. You do a really good job of keeping characters in-character through their speech: Akira's powerful but dispassionate terse sentences, Hayate's light and questioning tone in her confrontation with Akira, Chrono's calm and logical reasonings...

My displeasures are almost all entirely personal (too little focus on Nanoha and Fate, the Nanoha/Yuuno pairing, the fact that the mains couldn't really stand up to Akira (justified, I know)), and not relevant to your storytelling ability, but I would agree with another reviewer, Eternal Longing, in that Kriegsen ended up being a little weak. I didn't happen to catch any foreshadowing other than the informed fact that Nanoha doesn't like him, and what was his powerful motivation again? He was avenging her death that he caused? (But maybe it's just me being inattentive and stuff).

Other than that, I really liked the names you came up with for stuff (planets, "Sleipnir's Wings", even Akira's Narm-tastic "Cacophony of Torment", among other thigns), and I really disliked the typos, because I hate typos. Great story, this.
Dark Knight Gafgar chapter 5 . 10/16/2009
"Not that Nanoha was not emotional, but the four Velka were like Ronin of old, thinking of nothing save their Mistress."

But... isn't the very definition of Ronin masterLESS?

Aside from that, good. FFdotnet seems to have messed with some of the formatting of your page breaks in a few chapters though.
Eternal Longing chapter 10 . 8/13/2009
And so the story ends. But what story doesn't continue, in the readers' minds if not on paper or in type? All in all, that was a good, enjoyable wrap up. Happy endings are always, well, happy.

I do have to say, that was a good setup for a sequel. Full of implications of further trouble.

Still, I do have one small bone to pick: Kriegsen's motivations are never explicitly explained, but, well, that's fine by me. The story still feels complete, so that little detail doesn't matter much then, eh?

Now, final words for now:

Deva 01, a well-written, self-contained story that has immense "replay value." The brilliance does not fade despite multiple re-readings. An exemplary use of original characters and believable and interesting character development of canon characters while preserving their personalities. Well done.

-Eternal Longing
Eternal Longing chapter 9 . 8/13/2009
Only one chapter left... and then it's to the Academy Blues. Well, I have one spot of criticism at this end-game part of the story: Why leave it till the end to reveal why Kriegsen is "an evil, evil man" as Hayate put it?

To clarify, I don't recall seeing any hints as to the nature of his crime. Other than begin jealous of Takashi, and that's not so much of a crime as a human failing. I know it'll all be revealed next chapter, but that's the last chapter. I don't feel cheated, but I did, throughout the prior few chapters, feel like I was missing something. I guess that would be why the characters (like Nanoha) doubted him so easily. Yes, he's acting suspicious and, yes, they don't know him very well... I just wanted a bit more foreshadowing, I guess.

Other than that, the interactions were well thought out. The motivations for the characters' actions made sense, though I felt some parts weren't clear enough. But if you asked me to tell you where, I couldn't, so maybe I'm hallucinating.

Anyway, I'm sad this is almost over, but then again, not really, because there's Academy Blues next and then Endless Waltz.

A toast to long series.

-Eternal Longing
Eternal Longing chapter 8 . 8/13/2009
Aha! Question answered. Only Deva magic allows interstellar flight. I'm kind of sad that Hayate lost the use of Mid-type magic though. Mid-type is usually the flashy, super long range and immense firepower type (your basic wizard) while Velka's the close-combat type (magic swordsman), but while I like swords and close combat, Mid-type is more spectacular. And Ragnarok Strike was a nice spell, as was the name "Sleipnir's Wings." Ah well. Deva magic's got it's amazing points as well, especially the counterparts to Mid-type spells. I love magic systems, have I mentioned that? Probably not.

All right, rant over.

I would add more to this review, but I want to read what happens next. So forgive me for the lack of constructive anything.

-Eternal Longing
Eternal Longing chapter 7 . 8/13/2009
Hooray epic battle.

A chapter longer than the rest, but immensely more enjoyable because of it. And another cliffhanger. I couldn't ask for more. (No, I'm really not being sarcastic.)

Actually, that's a double-cliffhanger. One for Hayate and one for Nanoha, both in dire straits. "Ruin" is an appropriate name for this chapter though the actual aftermath has not been revealed yet.

That's for next chapter, I guess, so next chapter I will go.

-Eternal Longing
Eternal Longing chapter 6 . 8/12/2009
This may sound callous, but I don't think the deaths of ten non-major characters warrant a mature rating. Their deaths were not gruesome. It was not depicted in vicarious detail. And they were not sickening. I feel that this splendid piece of writing could be seen by a lot more if it wasn't rated under mature. However, this is your story, and your decision. I just wanted to present my case.

Having said that, I am disappointed in the White Devil. It's a sad day when a main character can do nothing but get beat down. Oh well, there's always the future.

Call me warmonger if you wish, but yay for battle. Yay for the Wolkenritter. Yay for a good chapter.

-Eternal Longing
Eternal Longing chapter 5 . 8/12/2009
Just a general note, I found the use of "Gomen" instead of "Sorry" in the opening scene jarring instead of natural. Finding a single Japanese word, though well known, isolated within an entirely English text can work, but in this case, did not for me.

And, haha, Sword of Light, Sword of Night. Sounds convenient for Sara to not have been a poet, ne?

But here we go, here we go. Epic-scale battle at its finest. Fate, the Wolkenritter, and of course, the White Devil, vs. Akira in a fight to the... well, I don't remember if it's a fight to the death or not. Oh well. I'll find out in a few more minutes.

-Eternal Longing
Eternal Longing chapter 4 . 8/12/2009
Kriegsen, Kriegsen, Kriegsen... That guy...

Well, anyway, average length of chapters for Deva 01 is about 30 to 40, yes? Just curious, because I like the length. It flows well. If I remember correctly though, Academy Blues and Endless Waltz are much longer in chapter length.

Nice cliffhanger-esque reveal, by the way. I do love a good cliffhanger. Especially when I don't have to wait to find out what happens next.

-Eternal Longing
Eternal Longing chapter 3 . 8/12/2009
I find it funny how this chapter starts with "Elsewhere, Later." It's very vague and gives away nothing at all. Where? When? Of course, having read this once before, I know, but it the wording strikes me as amusing.

I also enjoyed the list of Akira's spells and Vita's comment on him not being a happy person. She's amazing as usual.

Personally, I'm not quite sure about a lone mage's ability to travel through dimensions without shelter. If I remember correctly, only Akira's type-of-magic (to avoid spoiling names for other people) allows a mage to travel through dimensions in this way. Everyone else uses relays or ships. However, it feels like a lot of questions need to be addressed on this point.

For example, is there air/pressure/warmth/etc... between dimensions?

Just wanted to get that thought out there. Thanks for the read. I'll be continuing on now.

-Eternal Longing
Eternal Longing chapter 2 . 8/6/2009
Just as epic as I remembered it. Here are a few more typos I found, since I don't believe in one-liner reviews.

“Vita, would be willing to you go collect her prisoners, please?”

-Would you be willing to go...?

It looks like he was an Bureau mage of some sort.

-A Bureau mage, I believe. But since I see this usage repeated, I wonder if it's on purpose.

"Tell your Bureau masters, puppets, that they're last group of slaves failed."

-Their, yes?

Moving along.

-Eternal Longing
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