|Reviews for Are You My Mother?|
| Niqsta chapter 3 . 2/13/2012
"I feel better around you. I feel more like myself. I like knowing that I get to see you in the day. I have something new to look forward to. You're everything that I want and everything that I need. I know that when the time is right, that you are the only person I can see marrying and having a future with. I'm not sure how I know these things. I just do."
Ah ... that line just killed me. It's so Squall to make his feelings complex rather than a simple 'I love you because you're the world to me'. I think fluff is your strong point - this defo proves it. Love it!
I like how you've repeated the soda joke from the previous chapter. This is what I meant about showing only what is necessarily. Rinoa grabbing soda from the fridge doesn't become frivolous behaviour in an awkward situation. Adding that joke with the foot rub scene, then the narrative at the end of the second chapter, as well as her revealing her intentions in this chapter makes it all the more funnier. So well done there.
Again the AR element to this fic in regards to Ellone' sight was different. Never read that anywhere either.
All in all, for a short fic this was well done. If you did lengthen it, then obviously you'd have to add more in between the chapter and unfortunately for you, there'd have to be some form of trial for why Rinoa and Squall can't be together (Enter Seifer stage left :P).
Thanks for giving me the heads up to this fic. I'll read Man's Inhumanity before I start on the new one. I like to see the development as I'm reading, and I can tell by these last two chapters there has been some.
Take it easy, :)
| Niqsta chapter 2 . 2/13/2012
You're interpretation of these characters is very different. I'm not complaining, it's nice to see them fall into an easy relationship than the hackneyed tribulations I put them through :P
I remember you said you don't like angst, so fingers crossed that I don't run into something the next chapter. Or I want a refund ;) Hehe.
This was a good chapter, some nice interactions between the two and a surprising kiss at the end. I was taken aback by that.
Your descriptions are good, however, there really shouldn't be anything written that doesn't have relevance in the story. E.g. If you spend time writing about a glass of water sitting on a table, unless someone drinks that water or it spills over in the same chapter (or one after it), it shouldn't be in there.
The descriptions about the heat in the beginning was wonderful, but I was waiting for it to have a place in the story. Because you could have just had Rinoa wait outside without mentioning the weather. What would have been relevant is to have Squall and Rinoa go out and maybe due to the scorching heat, he takes off his shirt and she takes notice his figure? That would give the weather some substance in the chapter.
Hope I'm not being picky here, but this is just something I learnt, and I know I've probably done this a hundred times. Like I said in my PM to you, I'm just giving you tips as a writer, not necessarily what I think are faults in this fic.
Other than that, I'm looking forward to the next chapter :)
| Niqsta chapter 1 . 2/13/2012
Ah, finally get round to reviewing! I did read this last night in bed, and it made for a nice little read. ;)
I'm so glad you brought this fic to my attention, Storm is just the sweetest little character, a complete opposite of Squall.
There's some really good things in this story, the premise is something original - at least what I've read of fanfiction. I also like the AR element to this fic. Most authors here polarise the fandom, meaning it's either AU or Postgames. So it's nice reading a fic with AU settings, but incorporating Garden and SeeD. In a way, it makes sense to keep Squall in his original state, because no one can really determine what profession he'd have other than a SeeD.
There are some improvements you can make as a writer. Often the dialogue is too concise. I've seen this in other fics as well where every character is eloquent and proper, leaving no differentiation between class, gender and ethnicity. One attribute of Irvine's I noticed (in-game) was that he used the term 'like' a lot. Practically in every sentence. Along with colloquialism and contractions, these make good/believable dialogue. So instead of 'He is in the kitchen... He is a really good cook.' Mix it up a bit:
'Where's your dad?'
'In the kitchen. He's a really good cook.'
Now since this is a three chapter story, I won't bother with pacing because it'd just be silly to drag something like this on. Also, one of the things I picked up on my course was how new authors drag things on a bit too much. Yes, there is a believability factor, but there is also something called interest, and you tend to lose that when there's no action and all prose. Besides, my sister met her husband three months prior to them getting engaged and married, so if it can happen to her, why not Squall and Rinoa? ;)
Overall this is a good story and I'm off to read the next chapter :)
| gleamfang chapter 3 . 5/19/2011
Interesting twist on having Ellone's powers being foresight instead of hindsight. Heh heh.
Storm is such an evil little girl but she is so lovely. F.Y.I, I think this story has a chance to develop to something like Storm's chronicles or something.
I really like the fact that Squall and Rinoa can be so open to each other but then again it is supposedly a fluff piece!
| gleamfang chapter 1 . 5/19/2011
Storm is AWESOME! I wonder who is the mother though... The original one I mean. The interaction between Squall and Rinoa is really cute and intense I mean with Rinoa being a total control freak and master at threatening!
| MonMonCandie chapter 3 . 12/11/2009
Hi! I actually read this fic a LONG time ago before I made an account.
So I thought it was only proper for me to at least leave a comment! :)
This story was so amazingly cute in many ways! I praise you for the really simplistic storyline that I wished it could've been longer! LOL
Nonetheless, great job!
| hatsuyuki hime chapter 3 . 11/22/2009
Great story! I totally loved it
| SorrowsFlower chapter 2 . 10/1/2009
A very sweet story! I adore Storm! Perhaps you could make a sequel?
| MakoRain chapter 3 . 11/25/2006
Oh wow...this chapter was just so full of emotional goodness that i wanna cry, but i won't so i can see the screen to review _ I'm so happy i was able to read this, it has truly touched my heart in all of its fluffy glory. it was just so...heartfelt. Here is my alltime favorite line: With Rinoa, everything felt right. Feeling emotions felt right. Expressing himself felt right. Caring about someone felt right.
it reminded me so much of other characters, such as cloud with tifa (though he doesn't outright tell her...come on, cloud, i know u can do it!) and with sousuke and kaname from fmp; could definitely feel the alikeness of Squall and Sousuke *cuddles both boys*
ah, and ending with the mystery...why, why make me wonder?
it was a joy to read all around, so congrats on making a new fan and believer of ff8 and your writing
until next time...
| MakoRain chapter 2 . 11/25/2006
God, i love how rinoa's very commanding in a cute kinda way...she's just what squall needs to keep him in line and make him happy in life. i kinda figured no one had gotten close enough to him before to be his wife but i just loved her reaction to it... and god bless the waiter with perfect timing _
the kiss was just so...simple *aw* simply sweet fluffy goodness all around, cheers and looking forward to the next chapter!
| MakoRain chapter 1 . 11/25/2006
this was just a sample of your writing for an idea and what i've seen, i've liked. i like the kitchen scene the most i think...yay for Rinoa taking him on and putting him in his place, as she should. i like the characters here since i've never really read anything ff8 and look forward to the next chapter, which is up already, so cheers for that. Thank u for giving me a pleasant start in the realms of ff8 fiction.
| Wolfdog Girl chapter 3 . 10/1/2006
A really cute story. Great job!
| cricketchick1990 chapter 3 . 8/5/2006
again impressed, this is a great fic, not quite what i was expecting when i read the title and summary but its great to have someone make such a change to a storyline and have it end up so good! i was really expecting a war based fic, but this only has hints of seed etc. you truly are a gifted writer!
| JayLiyah chapter 3 . 5/13/2006
Well, I certainly enjoyed this one although.. I'm not going to lie, it's shorter than what I thought. :P
I love the idea you had, with Storm and Ellone plotting them to get together but I did think they fell in love a bit too quickly.
I guess that's ok, that's the idea you had. You stuck with it and made it work.
I found the last chap incredibly sweet. Good work again, I hope you write more in the future.
| cheerlygal chapter 3 . 5/4/2006
It is short and simple...I like it! I hope to see the next chapter of your another story soon!
I believe that the boy Storm will take a liking will be Seifer's son! Most likely..haha
Anyway, I hope to see more of your story soon!
P.S Your story will be added soon!