|Reviews for Eruanna Ciryapanda|
| Enchanted0ne chapter 1 . 4/26/2013
Love it :D
| Ithilwen Tinuviel chapter 1 . 10/8/2006
This is VERY cool. Ilove this story plz keep writing!
Come on i find glorfindel very hot!
| Manwathiel chapter 1 . 3/25/2006
Mmph...well, it's a start, I'll give you that. But a few things definately need some work. For example, the Glorfindel thing was completely random. And I just don't understand where this is going. Where are they and what is the plot? A little bit of history would be very, very helpful. And more description, as well. I suggest rewriting the first chapter so it is a bit more mature.
Another thing that stood out was that you seem to be determined not to make her a Mary Sue. Which she, undoubtedly, is. By making her 'psychic', in a way, it automatically makes her a MS, no matter how hard you try to make up for it. But the thing with that is the speech problem makes her even more of a MS, despite your intentions. Have you tried character therapy? Really, truly think your character through before releasing the story. It will improve the quality of your work and of your character. :)
And don't be afraid to break between your characters' lines! Do your best not to put in parenthesis. For example, instead of this...
“Me thinks I have the upper hand,” Tendile laughed.
“(moan) Me thinks...(moan)...you do,” Glorfindel managed to say as she licked his ear.
“Me thinks I have the upper hand,” Tendile laughed and he moaned.
"Me thinks," He moaned again, "You do,” Glorfindel managed to say as she licked his ear.
It just looks better that way. _
One last thing- my pet peeve. PLEASE, I beg of you! Write. Out. Any. And. All. NUMBERS. Having '9' or whatever just looks awkward to read. Write out 'nine' instead, it will flow better, trust me. Don't be lazy with your work. ;)
Alright, that is about all. Don't take this as a flame! Your story just needs to be worked out a bit more, is all. Don't post something as soon as you come up with the idea. Think it through first, become familiar with the character. Try listening to music and imagine a few scenes with it- it helps, really, it does. It is how I determine whether or not something is worth writing. Keep going with this and I'll be ready to critique whatever you come up with. Ta!
| Ai Lirimaer chapter 1 . 3/24/2006
i love it! is there going to be more?
| The Battling Bard chapter 1 . 3/24/2006
HA HA HA! This is so bad it's funny, funnier than most humour fics. What makes it even funnier is it's obviously not meant to be funny :wipes away tears of laughter: I so love you, you and your stories make my day. I like to think of you as fanfiction's answer to Joan Collins. Your so trashy, your fabulous.