|Reviews for 7th Year|
| mlcadden chapter 1 . 3/23/2006
love it! a little more then a friendship i think
| sophianwin chapter 1 . 3/23/2006
You writing has potential, but so far I don't really think much of the story. It, however, does have potential, so hear me out first.
1. The characters are cliched. Hopefully, since this is the first chapter, I am simply being judgemental, but I'd like to see some originality. Qutie simply, there are too many stories where James and Sirius are the players, Remus is the smart and quiet one, and Peter is the stupid scaredy-cat.
Furthermore, I hope that your OCs have some...flaws. Be careful and don't make them Mary-Sues. (Go to my forum if you want and get some advice on Marauders fics, we've got a bunch of stuff on original characters.) And I also mean physical flaws. No one, no one, is perfect physically. All of the magazine models are airbrushed. :P So maybe give some acne, maybe if one has a weakeness for ice-cream, make them have a round belly, stringy hair, indentations on their noses from glasses, little things like that make a huge difference.
Furthermore, the whole James has Lily Sirius has OC Remus has OC and they are all friends is a bit overdone, though cute. I'll leave you to decide where to take it. Make it believable though, and make sure that you aren't too cliched. An original story would be really nice coming from a writer of talent.
And how come there are so many prefects?
3. The story was a little rushed. Lily goes from infuriated to a beautiful friendship? It's a cute storyline, but drag it out more, it happened too quickly.
4. The author's notes interrupted the flow of the story, please take them out.
5. The little things: I am an enormous nitpick and admit to it. So please, correct the spelling of mischeivous and write out the numbers "four" and "seventeen".
If you need a beta-reader, there are forums where you can find one, or you can put up with me. My only thing is that I will not give out my email and we will have to communicate using PM.
| rggrgirl chapter 1 . 3/23/2006
This was god, they are friends. YAY! Well, it's in alert so update.
| nolongerauser chapter 1 . 3/23/2006
This sounds really good.
I could be your beta for you. :-)
Send me a private message.
| avafreak45 chapter 1 . 3/23/2006
I like it1 please keep going, it seems really interesting!
| Tina101 chapter 1 . 3/23/2006
Good potential, update soon.