Reviews for Your Own Daughter
twibe chapter 11 . 1/17/2015
Earlier it said that she wasn't allowed to have an owl, but now it said that she have had one for four years :P
deitarionSSokolow chapter 14 . 10/7/2010
Has a lot of potential, but your characterization is little bit flat.

Your plot is good, which is uncommon in conjunction with flat-feeling characters, but you need to put more effort into making your characters feel like real people. It often shows that you're letting your plot drive your characters rather than the other way around. (People speaking or acting in ways that don't quite feel believably human because the only directly visible motivation is "for the sake of the plot" and so on.) It just doesn't work to have a story where the characters aren't really defined beyond "Daughter of the hero, who shares many traits with his enemy as a child, teeters on the brink of going dark due to normal immaturity mixed with circumstance."

Your characters are by no means hopeless though. Aside from being a little too predictable, Alicia was interesting from the start and you switched to Mitch's perspective just when the plot needed something new... it's more a problem of telling when you should be showing (having characters go through the motions without fleshing it out adequately by showing their thoughts and feelings) and, on occasion, having characters tell each other things they'd already know just for the sake of the reader.

I suppose another way to put it would be that, because you don't spend enough time exploring who Alicia Potter is, the plot twists to keep the story going feel a bit like kicking Alicia when she's down. (eg. Harry's reaction to her being in Slytherin and Mitch's reaction to Beverly breaking up with him are horrendously flat)

I tried, but I can't read anymore. The hints of depth you kept dropping just didn't hold my interest long enough for any gains to become apparent in your writing.
ShadowCub chapter 31 . 9/22/2009
So because she was a female she punked out?
Merrymow chapter 30 . 9/18/2007
I was wondering when you're going to update?
Andimaus chapter 30 . 7/4/2007
When will you update? Please please please!
squidcheeto chapter 1 . 6/21/2007
It is so cool I might have to lick my butt
Guest chapter 30 . 6/18/2007
Your story is so awesome! I LOVE it!
crazysophie chapter 30 . 6/12/2007
cool cant wait till next chappie
SailorHecate chapter 30 . 6/11/2007
Fabulous chappie! The scene at the end was chillingly wonderful. Hope you update soon!
Kirstin chapter 30 . 6/10/2007
. .

Please update soon.


DementedLeaf chapter 30 . 6/10/2007
I thought this story said it was completed... Eh. *shrug* My mind's been playing tricks on me again, I see.

It's a slightly odd story, I think. I quite like it as well.

I'm too tired to review coherently, so, um, have an incoherent review.

I like it. Few spelling and grammar mistakes and an interesting plot.

Now I'm going to bed.

I'm story alerting this first though.
ami chapter 30 . 6/10/2007
Alicia so did not kill anyone, she was framed, murder is not in her, she's quite sinister but not that sinister. But what did she do to Elizabeth's husband? And bring Mitch back ASAP!
DeathbyInk chapter 29 . 6/9/2007
ОМG! this story keeps getting better and better!
DeathbyInk chapter 27 . 6/9/2007
why did she kill her boyfriend?

did she kill her boyfriend?

what will happen next?

what will happen to Elizabith or Mitch?
Guest chapter 29 . 6/9/2007
I think your story is so cool! It was really sad when Elisabeth was sick and all. But I think you are an execellent and should continue!
227 | Page 1 2 3 4 11 .. Last Next »