|Reviews for Grey Maiden I: Philosopher's Stone|
| shall-iin chapter 4 . 3/24
good concept, decent style, easy enough to read but I just can't get into the flow of reading this for some reason. Nothing seems wrong and so far, it's a decent story, but I'm sorry I just find myself not able to read anymore.
| Guest chapter 6 . 2/20
Snape is written so well I'm getting angry just reading about Harry's interactions with him. I'm sitting here chanting stuff like "punch him in the nose" every time snape says something to Harry.
| the other witch chapter 6 . 8/20/2017
I thought Daphne would threaten Dumbledore, that she would take Harry out of Hogwarts if Snape doesn't stop bullying him.
| Chaotic Book Reader chapter 15 . 8/12/2017
Loved the story the way you made Snape, Ron and the people who were bullying Harry is so great it even made Mr feel angry. It is sad that Harry doesn't dare to challenge the slytherin to an honor duel.
| SortingHat chapter 2 . 6/14/2017
I'm not going to read what's already been read that's stupid. At least you were honest by not hyping something that isn't going to be.
| SortingHat chapter 1 . 6/13/2017
Sorry but I AM one of the fans that call out BS on Lilly's love protecting Harry as there are many witches and Wizards who would cast protective charms and die for their son if it happened to them. What makes Lily any more special? Don't say because she is married to James Potter as that is not EVEN an excuse.
| anand891996 chapter 5 . 1/14/2017
hmmm Grindelwald never attended hogwarts
| anand891996 chapter 9 . 1/13/2017
ted tonks was muggleborn, not a muggle
| Littleheron chapter 15 . 1/6/2017
I have to say i really, really liked the story! As for wether you are messed up in your head or not, arent we all. I actually really like the dark potential in harry and daphnes dark past. It suits him much better than being dumbledores golden boy. All in all i really like most things in this story, especially how no one seemed totally overpowered, like when they were after the stone and made a lot of mistakes on the way and got injured, it felt autenthic. And while i have no idea where this series is going, i cant wait to see. Thanks for sharing this.
| Veraq chapter 15 . 10/30/2016
Ok, so here is my opinion on the book as a whole (and the first chapter of the next one):
Trying to improve the protections for the philosopher's stone is an exercise in futility. Hagrid's protection is reasonable, but for anything aside from that, there is a simple rule: If it doesn't kill Harry and Hermione, it's rubbish. There is no way, anything, that Harry and Hermione could ever hope to overcome is in any way useful for even delaying Voldemort.
The part with the bezoar is plain ridiculous. Anyone, who has half a brain could just put the bezoar in their mouth and then drink everything aside from the wine. It's even more ridiculous, considering the protections before that were all lethal.
The fact that Severus could go from the entrance to the stone in thirty seconds flat shows, just how bad the defences were. The only advantage, Snape has over Voldemort is the knowledge of his own contribution, everything else Voldemort could have done just as easily.
The part, where Harry and Hermione best those protections has a lot of errors and other unlogical stuff. They should have passed out from exhaustion after all the spells they used to destroy the chess set. There is no way, that Hermione could figure the riddle out without all of the lines. There simply isn't enough information. It also is unclear, why the riddle is only partially burned. It's an obvious choice to ennervate and torture Hermione to convince Harry to give Voldie the stone. (He understands the "what" of love, but not the "why".)
After getting hit by so much Cruciatus, there is no way Harry would be anything, but a trembling wreck, unable to move for the next hours.
I don't understand, why Harry would ever go back to Hogwarts and why Daphne would allow it.
The arguments for Hogwarts are that it provides the best education and it's very safe for Harry to be there.
But Harry does most of his studying from books, in fact I doubt, he has learned much only from classes. So it really wouldn't make any difference, where Harry goes, provided the school has a good library.
As to Hogwarts being safe: Harry was almost killed by a troll, before the end of the second month and was later sent out into the night with something in the woods both evil and powerful enough to kill unicorns. Even worse, Voldemort was able to possess a teacher for the entire school year without any action being taken against him. He could have killed Harry a hundred times without any difficulties. The only thing, that saved Harry was Voldemorts greed to get the stone before killing him. Since Harry has told her, Daphne also knows, that Dumbledore knew, the man was a dark Wizard and still didn't do a thing against him (why hasn't that caused a second outrage, btw?). Not only that, but he also kept the stone at Hogwarts, which was guaranteed to draw Voldemort's attention.
Therefore the point of Hogwarts being safe is completely moot.
Furthermore, any school that Harry would attend could be relied on to make special allowances to improve Harry's safety, even if it's just to get the prestige of his attendance.
The arguments against Hogwarts is, that he is ostracised and bullied there and doesn't really have anyone standing up for him, who could make any kind of difference. Worse, Dumbledore knew of it and did nothing against it. There are also three classes, that are completely useless to Harry: History, Potions, and DADA.
So there is no reason for Harry to remain at Hogwarts and every reason against it. They could even get Hermione to change schools, with some monetary support from Daphne, if needed.
Unless I overlooked something very important, there is no way, any sane person (who doesn't want Harry to suffer) would leave Harry at Hogwarts.
I also don't understand, how Daphne can just take the decision to let Harry enjoy a few more years of his childhood. From her reaction, he would certainly know, that there's a terrible secret looming over him, and since Voldemort is active again, every moment counts, since he will have to fight Voldemort sooner or later. And it's insanity to sacrifice a hundred years of Harry's life (if he dies with 16 or sth.) and half of wizarding Britain for maybe three more years of childhood.
As a final point, I can't understand, how Daphne doesn't punish Harry for going after the philosopher's stone. Not only did he decide to enter a corridor designed to keep Voldemort out, but also went after the man himself, which, in the end, did nothing, aside from providing Voldemort with the means to actually get the stone and almost get both of them killed several times over. That is not simply being retarded, that's worthy of getting a Darwin Award.
But aside from that, you did a great job writing the characters. They are very emotional and the original parts of the story are also very good. It's really easy for me to identify with Harry, even though I'm not sure, that that's actually a good thing.
I enjoyed reading it a lot.
| Veraq chapter 11 . 10/30/2016
Since you apparently like logic in your stories, I have to ask:
Why do they have to meet at the top of the astronomy tower instead of at Hagrid's hut? (There is no logical explanation. They wouldn't be any more or less visible there, and the wards certainly cover the astronomy tower, or anyone with a broom could break into Hogwarts.)
Why does Ron keep the note in his book? I would understand, if he kept it on his nightdesk or in his backpack, but in a book is really weird. Also Draco taking the book really doesn't fit in. It seems, Draco and Ron are far more focussed on Harry than each other. In the books, Draco's enmity with Ron is mostly because Ron is friends with Harry. Also Draco would probably have been ashamed to be seen with Ron's books, as they are something like seventh hand. After finding the letter, why should Draco ever give it back? Ron has no leverage, whatsoever. The fact that Ron didn't loan him the books would be insiginificant compared to smuggling a dragon.
Harry was also raised by an Auror and was on his toes the whole year, meaning he has at least some situational awareness. In addition to that, he's incredibly tense, seeing how he has a lot to lose and already knows, Draco has told at least McGonnagal. This Harry is also less dumb than the one in the books. So it's really really unlikely and dumb, how all that changes nothing and Harry leaves his cloak in his pocket, without even having a reason to put it in there. That's even more unlikely seeing, how anything Harry left carelessly lying around, would have been taken by Draco or someone else, so he certainly isn't careless in that regard.
So basically you take some time to describe how terrible the consequences of being caught would be and how on edge Harry is and then he just forgets to put his cloak on and doesn't even hear Filch's footsteps.
This is especially disappointing, seeing how you could have just have had Sape deal out a random detention, if you wanted Harry and Voldie to meet.
Ok, I'm sounding incredibly negative here, but I really like this story a lot, and really bad scenes, that are copied from the book are always especially disappointing, when they appear in a good, original story.
| Veraq chapter 10 . 10/30/2016
I think the book closing thing is a bit weird. There is really no reason, why Daphne should prevent Harry from finding out about the philosopher's stone. He already knows, that Dumbledore is keeping something trendemnously important at Hogwarts, and since he doesn't know anything of Voldemort's plot, it doesn't make any difference. On the other hand broken bones aren't that easily healed. There is a reason, Madam Pomfrey uses potions instead of spells. Such a spell would certainly require a lot of knowlege in healing magic (meaning professional healer). From what I know, "Episkey" is used for superficial wounds like grazed skin or cleaning larger wounds, not for bones.
I also find the Tonks-Harry friendship a bit surprising. She is something like seven years older than him and frankly some stuff she does sounds a bit mean. After all, Harry has no way to defend himself in any way or retaliate. I also think it could bring up some bad memories or is at least very insensible considering all the bullying at Hogwarts. From a psychological pov, I think his experiences at Hogwarts would be centered around a feeling of frustrated helplessness that Tonks behaviour would bring up again. That could cause some really nasty reactions, especially considering it is even more impactful in an environment, Harry associates with safety.
I also agree with you, that the deatheaters and Voldemort were way too weak and tame in the books. Btw: The smartest thing to do after Voldemort's ressurrection in book four, would have been to execute all his followers at Azkaban. It would also have been better to just kill deatheaters whenever possible, instead of taking prisoners. That would have saved many people a lot of suffering and the books are incredibly immature on that point.
| Guest chapter 15 . 8/14/2016
ah, yes. what would the house cup be without dumbledore's BLATANT CHEATING?
seriously,dude's worse than snape
| Guest chapter 15 . 8/14/2016
why the hell did they have such faith in a security with intentional holes in it anyway? why make it a puzzle? made no damn sense
| Guest chapter 15 . 8/14/2016
they say harry stopped voldemort...
but did he really? like indiana being irrelevant in the arc of the covenant harry's first year adventure seems pointless. without him the thief would have been foiled by the mirror anyway.