|Reviews for Alone As Darkness Falls|
| tkim619 chapter 2 . 9/20/2014
hehehe tomoyo has a lover now!
| On.ci chapter 2 . 1/22/2007
it's interesting. it's true !
I really like this fiction , why u dont continue ? I'm curious ! :(
| kenshin himura chapter 2 . 5/4/2006
story still hanging...
| kenshin himura chapter 1 . 5/4/2006
since theres a chapter 2, ill read the rest 1st...
| Sayuri Ritsuke chapter 2 . 4/16/2006
Ah...that makes sense, ya know the too much fluff thing. Anyway, can't wait for next chapter! Good job
| Sayuri Ritsuke chapter 1 . 4/16/2006
Oh god! Please do not put a EK in there! Eriol and Kaho is just way to creepy! Overall, it was really good, though i personally think there's way too much fluff since they did just meet. This is not a flame, (2 tell you the truth, I don't really know what a flame is (hey,I'm new to this!)) Good job!
| White Alchemist Taya chapter 2 . 4/5/2006
| It's SanzoGirl but I'm lazy chapter 2 . 4/4/2006
So please update soon! It was a good chapter!
| Convoy Butterfly chapter 1 . 3/30/2006
"Two unlikely lonely souls met and help each other. Will true love blossom between the two? Find out. R&R. ExT fic"
Why bother asking rhetorical questions in the summary if the answer is glaringly obvious to anyone with more than two brain cells?
"“She’s the daughter of the owner of that toy company. I’ve heard it’s under the rocks now.”"
What about the Amamiya family? Don't tell me- they suffered a huge plot-device that caused them to all die/lose their fortune, so that Tomoyo could be properly wangsty and destitute. Bitch, please.
"His mission is done. He has no identity now. He walked on the streets with his hands inside his pocket. He thought that if he came back in Tomoeda his friends would still welcome him. He’s wrong. They all have their own lives now. He’s the only one who’s alone."
1. All the tense shifts are making my head spin. Consistency, kthnx. Didn't your English teachers tell you not to do that?
2. All of Eriol's friends in Tomoeda abandoned him? Then why the fuck is he staying there? England's his true home, and from the way you've warped the characters, he now has no reason to stay in a foreign country.
3. Hello, Guardians? He still has them; therefore, he is not alone. His Guardians are his family and closest friends, as well as everything he truly needs. All other attachments are secondary and optional. So why the major wangst?
Nitpick: the Eriol-tachi doesn't use honorifics amongst themselves, because they're BRITISH. Eriol, Nakuru, Ruby, Spinel, Suppi. That's ALL.
"“Okay. Close your eyes. Imagine her with a camcorder in the hands with her trademark ‘kawaii’ and ‘ohohohoho’.” Spinel told them. The two just looked more confused. Spinel sighed, “You still don’t get it, do you? Uh, She’s Daidouji Tomoyo!” He elucidated with his tiny paws in the air, frustrated."
*cringe* Ouch. Way to butcher all three characters at once. Why the fuck is Spinel remembering Tomoyo better than the other two? They at least met her in person more than once. Spinel also never got to see any of Tomoyo's trademark behavior.
Nitpick teh second: Gemstone adjectives are rotting in the grave. Overuse of them makes the fic smell something horrible.
"I am Hiiragizawa Eriol, your classmate in the 5th grade, also known as the half-reincarnation of Clow Reed before…I’ve finished my mission."
So, manga canon. Eriol is therefore an adult. So, any E/T pairing has very strong Lolita overtones. Ever considered that?
"After the Void Card incident... Meiling-chan..."
Huh? Anime canon? Make up you mind, girl!
"I was so excited to design Sakura-chan’s wedding gown that I’ve forgot that if she should marry Li-kun, she’ll be leaving us, me."
...why? Manga canon clearly showed that Syaoran moved to Tomoeda for good, and anime!Syaoran also seemed attached to Japan. Why would they move to Hong Kong, when Tomoeda is comfortable and familiar to both of them? The plotholes are starting to consume the entire fic...
"Sakura-chan doesn’t know any of this because I know she’s very busy with her family now. I got no one to…to…love. No one loves me. I’m alone."
Bitch, PLEASE. Sakura would fucking KNOW that Tomoyo was in distress, thanks to her magic, and there is no fucking way she'd let Tomoyo stay alone in that condition. Hell, FUJITAKA would know, because as the half-reincarnation of Clow Reed, he also has powers, and he'd cut short the dig for his relative-by-marriage. Remember when Sakura got sick? And how much worse is Tomoyo's situation? Are you TRYING to bash the Kinomotos, or did you just ignore all logic?
"“I’ll love you too.” Tomoyo said cheerfully. (A/N: this is weird. I’m sorry if I’ll make it a bit fast.)"
Author's notes in the narrative burn. And yes, you are taking it too fast. MUCH too fast.
"“Ohayo, Master Eriol and Mistress Tomoyo!”"
NO. Eriol's Guardians do NOT call Eriol's love-interest-of-the-week their Mistress. Just NO. THINK!
"Eriol felt some moving beneath him and saw Tomoyo giggling."
Tomoyo went from "woe is me, everyone hates me, I should go jump off a bridge!" to "teehee, I'm a little girl again!" in under an hour? What the hell is wrong with her?
"“Likewise.” Eriol said and teased her with his butterfly kisses all over her face. He stopped to crash his lips on her sweet lips. “You’re so delicious.” Eriol whispered."
M, Lolita complex in action. Eriol sure is nice, taking complete advantage of someone less than half his age who is dependent on him. And remember the thing about moving too fast?
And where the hell is Kaho? Eriol was in love with HER at the end of the manga. Care to explain why she vanished into thin air without bashing the poor woman OR making her as OOC as everyone else in this fic?
| SanzoGirl chapter 1 . 3/30/2006
It was good! so please update soon!
| NilName chapter 1 . 3/30/2006
NEXT CHAPTER PLEASE!
| Diane chapter 1 . 3/30/2006
Very nice. A great classic yet very effective plot... two lonely souls only searching for someone to be with for they're alone then I hope... end up happy in each others arms! Hope to see more chapters from you!