|Reviews for Murder in Amity|
| Krusher chapter 8 . 3/25
This isn't a DP fic. Its just some lame murder story with DP names slapped on the characters. ALL of them are out of character. This gets 0 out of 10 as a DP fic. Maybe 2 out of 10 if it wasn't DP.
| EcoReibun chapter 8 . 2/17/2014
| j158n chapter 5 . 11/23/2012
It was Jazz
| pitchpearlgirl chapter 8 . 7/24/2012
OMG THAT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME! WHYYYYYYYY JAZZ? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (sob) DANNY HAS TO BE TAKEN OUT OF JAIL! YOU HAVE TO CREATE A SE- *notices sequel* never mind. :)
| SongoftheDarquePhoenix chapter 3 . 9/2/2011
Ummm, you have to have a warrant for the arrest. That's only gained after the warrant to search the premises.
| A Bibliophile chapter 8 . 12/18/2007
Stupid Dash's Dad...
(I must say, I am angry at the legal system right now)
It was a real surprise. I thought that Jazz would just be studying to help fix Danny's injuries. I still can't get how a girl like Jazz would get her hand on drugs though... She seems to perfect
| A Bibliophile chapter 7 . 12/17/2007
| A Bibliophile chapter 3 . 12/17/2007
NO! Danny would never kill someone! NEVER!
| A Bibliophile chapter 2 . 12/17/2007
No! Danny! Why?
| Rin0rourke chapter 8 . 11/22/2007
It was very good. I must say not the best I've ever read, It was difficult too keep my place as the scenes suddenly changed and there were many inconsistencies. The ending was rather disappointingly, and far to quick, as if you were in a hurry to end it. I would suggest an epilogue. My criticism here should not be mistaken for displeasure, however, because despite the errors and slacking in plot I must say this was quite the entertaining read and when you improve your already budding skills I hope you come back and revise this. You are a very promising writer, keep working. I hope to see you on the bestsellers list one day.
| Silver Mayflower chapter 8 . 8/17/2007
Vlad is making huge slip-ups that are very OOC for him. He's not that stupid to mention killing Baker, or bribing the judges in the house where anyone can overhear him, especially Maddie.
Jack flipping off judge and jury is about as OOC as you can get...
And if Jazz had any problem at all with Dash, she would have pressed charges against him faster than you can say 'not guilty'. As Ellen Brand wrote in her fanfic: "The legal definition of assault is any unwanted physical contact consistent with the attempt or desire to do physical harm". Jazz would know about this.
| Silver Mayflower chapter 7 . 8/17/2007
...I have to admit that the evidence against Danny is "pretty compelling"? Sorry, but I'm NOT convinced. Far from it. If I were the judge, I'd set Danny free on account of flimsy evidence, and I'd laugh the attorney who is working against Danny in the face for doing a shoddy job. When I'm done with this fanfic, I'll need a good dose of Detective Conan episodes to make me happy again, with some CSI and NCIS thrown in for good measure. Yeah, CSI doesn't portray the proces of prosecuting accurately, but there is a lot of care in making sure the actual details are correct.
Criminal records CANNOT be wiped clean, as your prosecutor claims. Valerie having a criminal record in the first place is very OOC.
Parents lying in order to protect their children is mentioned an afwul lot in your story. Again, it is very unprofessional of the attorney to assume this. Adults are not that stupid, you know. In this chapter, you also seem to have changed this into a trail against Tucker rather than Danny. Again, it's unprofessional. In court, you're not supposed to deviate from the case at hand. I believe "Naturally Blonde" mentions this.
Tucker acts as if he thinks Danny committed the murder. That is awfully OOC as well. And him knowing a bit of forensics and thus being able to leave no evidence behind? Not possible. In order to leave no evidence behind on a murder scene, you'd have to be a highly trained professional assassin with a hefty dose of dumb luck. Also, it is "leaving evidence behind", and not "leaving forensics behind". Forensics refers to FINDING the evidence, not the evidence itself.
And for heavens sake, not everyone who is called to the stand is committing perjury.
| Silver Mayflower chapter 6 . 8/17/2007
...I want to cry.
Vlad threatening an attorney... that's just really, really dumb. Now Danny will be even MORE of a suspect, if anything. I mean, suppose you're an attorney, you doing a case against a murder suspect, and suddenly a clearly evil ghost shows up and says: "don't convict the kid or I'll kill you!" That just screams "highly suspicious" at me.
Second, just because one wound is deeper than the others is no reason to immediately assume that that one is the first. That sort of evidence is flimsy at best.
Also, you changed the blood alcohol level. In chapter 1, it was .62 and suddenly it's .12! Details are important, so pay attention to them!
The broken arm should have been brought up -way- earlier, by the way. In fact, Danny wouldn't even be arrested in real life, because it's not possible for him to have committed the crime with a disabled arm!
Why on earth is the attorney who defends Danny pointing at his friends and family as possible alternate suspects? That is highly unprofessional (and frowned upon in court).
Another thing that bothers me; taking into account the possibility that Danny murdered Dash out of self-preservation (which in real life would have been pleaded immediately), he'd get a lot less that 25 years, even if found guilty. There was a case a few years ago I read about in the newspapers: a woman had an abusive husband and suffered through his torment for 10 years. She murdered him with a kitchen knife and was found guilty... she got about 5 years in prison if I remember correcly, give or take a few (certainly no more than 10 years).
...right. Am I supposed to believe that Vlad can't hear the difference between Danny and Valerie's voices? Even though he's been spying on them both? Kindred Spirits showed he kept good track on the two of them. STALKING them, even.
| Silver Mayflower chapter 5 . 8/17/2007
I can't believe the number of mistakes here... can't remember on which show I saw it, but if you don't want to testify, you don't actually have to, without any negative consequences.
Also, at some point Sam says: "I'm beginning to think you're the one behind this". But she already mentioned that earlier, didn't she? So why would she -begin- to think it just now?
And the little boy yelling about murder and rape... normal six year-olds don't talk like that. Really. A six year-old would have to be seriously mental to yell something like that - as in, ripe for an asylum. If your OC's start acting OOC, you can tell your story is badly written.
As for the kid knowing that Danny is the one charged with Dash's murder... stuff like that doesn't go public that fast. It's a student that was killed, not the president of the USA. You are seriously blowing everything out of proportions here.
I'm beginning to think this story isn't -that- great... but since I have actually started reading, I might as well finish reading.
| Silver Mayflower chapter 3 . 8/17/2007
When Jazz opened the door for the detectives at home, you described her looks as if the detectives saw her for the first time. But earlier in your story, they saw Jazz at school. It's a pretty big mistake, letting them meet the same girl -twice- for the first time. Other than that, this is a pretty good story, although it seems to lack a good flow.