|Reviews for The City of Gold|
| Mad Morrigan chapter 3 . 5/4/2006
Thank you all once more for your great reviews :)
Finduilas - Sadly, I'm pretty intimately familiar with FR, as that's the setting I've played in almost exclusively for the last three years. The reference to nararoot and cassil is a tiny, little thing hidden in the sourcebook - they're herbal contraceptives, cassil for men and nararoot for women. Being a druid, you wouldn't think Jaheira would a lesson in sex education and herblore slip from he ryoung charge, would you? :) Besides, no one ever makes mention of contraceptives in these stories, which is odd considering that 1) they're canon to FR, and 2) it's doubtful that many Bhaalspawn, especially the one in the story, want to reproduce what with daddy dearest hanging over them.
Thanks for pointing out the tolerance to seasickness bit - I'll go ahead and change that when I load up the next chapter sometime soonish. As for the deities, Midnight was the mortal who ascended to become Mystra, the Goddess of Magic (Elminster is the chosen of the former Mystra, who was slewn by Helm during the Time of Troubles - that's also when Bhaal was sowing his wild oats!), and Deneir is the God of glyphs and runes. A very minor deity, actually, but fun to make stuff up about :)
Bookwyrme - we'll just have to wait and see! I've got a few surprises up my sleeves, rest assured.
| Finduilas88 chapter 3 . 5/4/2006
It's great to see another chapter, I was beginning to wonder what had happened!
Very nice FB to his time with Brindhal; I can see that even then he was uncertain about what he future would bring them. And I absolutely *adored* the transition from Anomen's dream to present time on the ship. It worked very well, and I, like Anomen did a double-take at Brindhal's comment about 'docking in 15 minutes'. Very clever and well-executed.
A few suggestions/nitpicks:
I assume the nararoot and cassil have a very specific purpose, but it seemed an odd reaction for Anomen to feel 'slighted' over it. Embarrassed or annoyed I can see, but 'slighted' didn't seem to fit.
Later you say "...despite the long journey, a tolerance for seasickness had never quite developed." I don't think anyone ever develops a tolerance for *seasickness*! I think it would make more sense to say that he had never gained his sea-legs, or that he had never developed a tolerance for the motion of the boat.
Lastly, I liked the discussion between Helm and Brindhal; especially since it's nice to see that Brindhal still has her eye on him. However, as someone who's not terribly knowledgeable about FR dieties, I found the dicussion between them to be rather confusing, in particular the references to Midnight and Deneir. Though you don't have to explain *everything*-a little mystery is always nice-this fell a bit on the side of too mysterious and confusing for me. And I get the impression that it probably won't be explained later, which makes it double frustrating.
But all in all, great job, and I'm looking forward to the next installment!
| Bookwyrme chapter 3 . 5/2/2006
This is not going to be an easy meeting for Anomen, is it?
It's good to see the story continue.
| Bookwyrme chapter 2 . 5/1/2006
Oh, an after-the-bhaalspawn-has-left Anomen story. I don't think I've seen one before.
It's off to a good start with both of your major players well characterized. Do continue, please.
Small question: How can Yamash be lying when he tells his daughter it won't hurt? She seems to die quite peacefully. I don't think that that would make him happier with the "strangers" who have made her sacrifice necessary, it's just a minor nitpick.
*Adds a hope that this will [i]not[/i] end in Anomen's death.
| Meganalira chapter 2 . 4/8/2006
I really like it so far! :) I always had a feeling that Anomen's epilogue was a bit "empty"... losing your lover to godhood like that when you're a priest, I always thought it had to "shake" him quite a bit.
So yeah, I really like how you've portrayed his "misery" for the time being. Btw, why is it that EVERYONE pictures Anomen with seasickness? Did I miss something on the trip to Spellhold? lol
As for Yamash, well, I don't really think he's a nice fellow, but at least you haven't made him heartless either. I had never realized that Maztica was somewhat based on Maya/Aztèque/Olmèque society. I'll always prefer if the feathered serpent was called Quetzalcoatl (well, I've been there and seen a quetzal, so I guess I can't shake my emotional attachment to the name), but reading the names and remembering how the people pronounce them and remembering the altars and the pyramids and the jungle (btw, there's no way he could ever have dried petal flowers in the jungle. No way.)... Did you know that they pronounce the "x" like a "sh"? And they have other really strange sounds that pain the throat or twist the tongue.
So hm, among all this babbling, I guess you should make out that I like your story and am looking forward to more, especially the life in Maztica and how our men in armour survive the 28 C 95% RH!
| asufhawguh4394853082gh chapter 2 . 4/6/2006
I really, really like this. It's so detailed, and it's not often you can find a story dealing with the characters that were left behind in the PC chose to become a god. I especially like the interaction between Anomen and Imoen in this last chapter; and Imoen's comment about never being alone anymore is so sweet. Keep on writing! D
| Mad Morrigan chapter 2 . 4/5/2006
VIC - Will do. Thanks for the comment!
Finduilas - This is a great compliment, coming from you (whose works I greatly admire)! I hope you'll find the evolution of Yamash and Anomen interesting - there's a lot in store!
noneko - It really does make sense when you think about it, lol, but I figured I'm cover all my bases before people starting sending "WTF?" reviews. It's kind of an ambiguous start to the chapter,but that's exacty how I wanted it (the reader being thrown right in). Thanks for the review!
| noneko chapter 2 . 4/5/2006
“My life’s book’s all in red ink!” pretty much translates to “I’m really down on my luck!”
That makes sense, since you'd technically be "in the red". ;P
Nice chapter. I read the first one, and thought it gave a good backstory, but this, I suppose, is where the real sory begins. I like that Anomen really *is* affected by the Bhaalspawn's ascension, and of course, I love Imoen in any form, and you have her characterization right on the dot.
I'll be watching! Best of Luck.
| Finduilas88 chapter 1 . 4/1/2006
I read this a the Attic too, and I must say, it's a very promising start. Your writing is very evocative, and you use a lot of lovely imagery to set the scene. It'll be intriguing to see how Yamash, who seems like a very nice person in this piece, will become the evil cleric in the rest of the story.
And as a huge Anomen fan, I'm definitely looking forward to his part of the story!
Good job! I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
| VIC chapter 1 . 4/1/2006
I like it so far. please continue soon