|Reviews for Needing Help|
| Ghostwriter chapter 17 . 1/7
Huntersgirl, thank you for the concrit. As you stated, I wrote this YEARS ago when I was still learning how to write for fanfic. Thank you for taking the time to review. Catch ya on the flip side.
| huntersgirl chapter 10 . 1/4
Some concrit for you. The premise is a good one but the delivery is a little dry. There isn't enough on thoughts or reasons for actions or how or why the abuse started. It would have been better if we could have seen into Sam's thoughts on why he wasn't telling; shame, fear of retribution?
Also the language you use is out of character, I could never imagine any of the Winchesters using words like dang or heck. If you're uncomfortable with using slightly harsher language then you should probably pick a G rated rated fandom to write for. Characterization is key for fanfiction.
Things like John listening to country music strays from canon. We have known from the pilot episode that Dean's taste in music is exactly the same as his fathers and that most of the tapes he has used to belong to John.
I'm guessing from your writing style that you are probably very young and as this was written a long time ago, your style has no doubt grown and improved. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying your story is bad, just that it could be better. I think you show great imagination.
| beauty0102 chapter 17 . 8/27/2010
this was a great story.
| kirallie chapter 17 . 8/24/2008
Good work! Poor Sam! Glad the verdict was guilty.
| BlueSea14 chapter 17 . 2/16/2008
First of all, I would like to say that I think the overal plan for the story was very good. You don't hear that many rape cases involving a man being the victim of a woman; most fics and true life stories involve the woman being raped. That's why I think it was a very good idea for that particular issue of man instead of woman to be introduced here - it's really more common than people think, and either situation is horrible.
Now, I do NOT want you to take this the wrong way - believe me when I tell you that I'm usually a bit critical in my reviews, so that's a head's up for you that I'm going to say it plain and simple here. (Plus, I suppose I should let you know that I'm a junkie for harsh reviews with my own work, because I like hearing everything I do wrong from other's opinions so I can see their sides and all that...:))
So please, PLEASE don't take this personally or anything like that! I'm just trying to offer you as much of an opinion as I can!
Anyway - I think that what your story was missing the most was a sene of background. Not a backstory: it was more like the atmosphere was kind of dry. I think that if you'd put more detail into it - like describing the setting and the characters - it would have made the story flow together better and really draw more readers in.
The way it was written made the chapters feel very bare bones: like there could have been more detail and more 'filling' pushed into the chapters to make it more condense.
The reason I'm mentioning that is because it made the story flash by very fast: it felt like you were cramming all that you could into as few words as you could, and that you didn't really go all-out into immersing yourself in exploring all that you could have.
For instance, you do show examples of all three Winchester's thoughts being very expressive. But it's all said in a very point-blank kind of way, in a way that made the story feel very two-dimensional.
Just a suggestion here, but if I had been in your place I would have made the chapters larger, and added more detail into the story. You could have explored Sam's actions more in the first chapter, for instance. Instead of jumping right into Sam thinking about how the teacher was 'trying to get her kicks' with him, you could have put more detail into the setting and placement of the characters.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it felt like you stated everything. You didn't really leave a lot up to interpretation, or much mystery behind everything which would have made it more of a page-turner kind of story. Sometimes it felt like a juiced-up screenplay rather than a story - like when you say 'Back at Kenston High...' in Chapter One, that feels more like a screen-play type of thing to say.
:) So you see, what I guess I'm getting at there is that I think you'd actually be good at writing screenplays because even though your chapters are kind of dry and lacking in much detail, I get the feeling that you can see everything in your head - like, you can see the details and the setting and what you can see going on, you're just not writing out. (Or am I the freak who does that and you don't know what I'm takling about?) Anway, I do think that screenplays might be more your kind of thing if that little weird rambling statement actually made sense to you.
Okay...to wrap it up, I did like the story plot very much and I enjoyed reading it, despite the things that I mentioned in the majority of this long review.
Again, please don't take offense from my words, as I do not mean to hurt your feelings or anything of the sort! I'm just offering my perspective and what I noticed while reading the story!
| exitlight chapter 17 . 7/8/2007
I liked it, good writing!
| sweetysmart0505 chapter 17 . 6/25/2007
this was a really good story and now taht explained to me who Janet was. thanx for telling me. good job on it and can;t wait to read more of yer other one/
| sweetysmart0505 chapter 1 . 6/25/2007
lol ok now I get it. i will finish it. I hope.
| shirlzstur chapter 1 . 6/24/2007
| irishgirl9 chapter 17 . 6/23/2007
I just found this. Great story! It's so sad that that happened to Sam, but it's great that John and Dean believed him and were there to support him. Hopefully that b*h gets what she deserves in jail. I know, I know this is a fictional story.
| littlemessalina chapter 17 . 4/24/2007
| sammygirl1963 chapter 17 . 3/9/2007
WOW Awesome story! I am glad John didn't blame Sammy for what happened!
| carocali chapter 17 . 6/24/2006
You did a nice job with this story, and it sickens me when a child thinks that they are in the wrong when something like this happens to them. I am so impressed that you even put a phone number for the abuse, you just never know who might need some help like that.
| beepchoc chapter 17 . 6/15/2006
That was so good but yet so sad . i actually cried on bits , to just imagine Sam breaking down .
| noname32 chapter 17 . 5/14/2006