|Reviews for Phoenix Tearfather|
| P.R. Dragonite chapter 2 . 6/18/2006
Well here I am writing one of my lengthy reviews. Okay, to start off I am really interested in this story. Its diferent and I like that. But first I need to tell you that your story is goig a little too fast and I didn't agree with the emotional part of your story. Don't worry, even I had that problem when I wrote my story. There were many opportunities where you could have lengthen the stories. One of those parts was when you stated that Delia wrote a song and her conversation with Ash. What if there was a chapter dedicated to this section because its very important. In chapter 1 you had set a grieving tone, a feeling of sadness, but then you jump to starting an adventure. It kind of made me feel like I had skipped something. Also, the transition of age from 3 to 10 to 20 is a bit off. Losing your father at the age of three is a big deal and the way you wrote was right but it is hard to get over that traumatic event. Just like Delia was grieving about 20 years later I think Ash should be grieving too and I don't think Misty would know either because its something you wouldn't mention in a normal relationship. We all know that Ash and Misty's relationship is all but normal but it dosen't seem to be natural if you know what I mean. Well, I've given you a couple of things to think about but I feel that you will do great with the action part of your story. Just remember to legthen details to set the mood of the story and to not make big jumps between the flow of the story. Don't forget that if you need my help with anything, just let me know. It's summer and I'm not doing much. I hope that we can stay in touch
| tennisdesi91 chapter 2 . 6/16/2006
hell yeah ... loving this story right now ... yeah ... post soon
| Calilea chapter 1 . 6/15/2006
real cute but in the show, ahs's dad may still be alive... you never know.