Reviews for Harry Potter and the Psychic Serpent
alix33 chapter 6 . 2/15/2012
"It's a definite improvement, Granger, he drawled, looking her pointedly up and down. Ron started to pull out his wand, but Harry decided that something else would be faster than magic, and he turned to Malfoy and pushed him down onto the floor of the corridor, kneeling on his chest and putting his right arm across Malfoy's neck. Malfoy gasped. You're cutting off my air, he wheezed, trying to reach his wand, but giving up and then just trying to remove Harry's arm from his throat and failing. The other students in the corridor pressed against the wall to let someone pass. It was Alicia Spinnet, wearing her Head Girl badge on new robes, looking very stern. Potter! Malfoy! Break it up! Harry removed his arm from Malfoy's throat and rose, generously extending a hand to help Malfoy up. He ignored it at first, but then after struggling unsuccessfully to rise, took it reluctantly and let go of Harry's hand as quickly as possible once he was on his feet. He clutched at his throat. Alicia stepped closer to them so she could speak more quietly; but it was a scary sort of quiet. You are both prefects! she whispered fiercely. You are supposed to set an example! She sounded frighteningly like Professor McGonagall. Malfoy! she barked. Get back to your compartment! She stepped aside so he could go past; he looked over his shoulder at Harry, resentment smoldering in his eyes, still with his hand to his throat. Alicia saw. Go! she said again, and Malfoy picked up speed this time, rudely pushing aside other gawkers still in the corridor and not looking back again (between the platform kiss and the brawl, many of them seemed to have become planted where they stood). Alicia looked a little less stern now, but only a little. Harry, do I already have to take points from my own house? Harry had the good grace to look abashed. No, Alicia. Right, then." - I wish Harry had really cut off Malfoy's air, permanently.

"Harry had been practicing to Londonderry Air with his new tenor voice, having abandoned "Loch Lomond;" Ron used his quavering baritone for the tune to the national anthem, Hermione was doing Candle in the Wind, of all things, and George and Fred were loudly singing in unison to the tune of Waltzing Mathilda, so that theirs was the theme that came through the polyglot of noise most prominently; a lucky thing, since it turned out to work with the words surprisingly well." - Those melody choices made me laugh.

"Young Will Flitwick was seated across from Harry and Ron, and between Hermione and Ginny. Are you Harry Potter? he asked, awestruck, looking at the scar on Harry's forehead. Are you a prefect? Harry looked kindly at him. Yes and yes. Are you related to Professor Flitwick? He's my uncle. Great uncle, actually. My granddad's big brother. Don't see him much, since most of the year he's here teaching. The idea of tiny Professor Flitwick being called big was making Harry's mouth curl up at the edges. He tried to suppress this. Bet you'll do well in Charms. Oh, I doubt it. It's just not my bailiwick. I'm much more interested in Transfiguration; perhaps I'll become an Animagus one day. Harry and Ron looked at each other, trying not to smile; an eleven-year-old using words like bailiwick. Young Will Flitwick promised to be an interesting first-year." - As did Harry and Will's conversation.

"He tried to explain what he wanted, and she nodded and said, That's exactly what I was thinking. I always thought that would be a much better look on you... making Harry wonder how many girls at Hogwarts had been expending mental energy thinking about giving him a makeover." - How stalkerish and creepy of the girls.

"Next to him, Hermione said, She did a fantastic job... looking at him and reaching out to touch his hair dreamily. Hermione! Ron yelled, irritated." - Ah shove off, Ron! I LIKED Hermione doing that.
alix33 chapter 5 . 2/15/2012
"Harry and Hermione also needed Taking the O.W.L.s: Preparing Yourself for the Worst Experience of Your Life, by Eglantine Etude. Fred and George gave Ron the copy they'd used (they had shared it) and this year they were going to share Percy's old copy of Taking the Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests (N.E.W.T.s): And You Thought the O.W.L.s Were Bad, again by Eglantine Etude." - Those do not sound like fun.

"Ron was still gazing rapturously at his new broom. Fred cleared his throat. You sure you two wouldn't like to be alone? A little soft music, some wine... They all laughed and Ron colored, putting the packaging back on the broom to protect it. He cradled it in his arms like it was a baby as they walked to the cafe." - That bit made me laugh.
alix33 chapter 4 . 2/15/2012
"After about twenty minutes, Sirius sat down suddenly and looked at Harry and nodded. Harry took his wand out of the holster on the belt he'd gotten from Ron and put his arm out as if to hail a cab. There was a very loud, abrupt BANG and a glaring light seemed to come from nowhere. Dudley and Hermione both screamed; neither of them had known what to expect. Dudley pulled Hermione's trunk up a dark driveway, and Hermione with it, since she was still holding onto the other handle. There appeared before them all, in the middle of the quiet suburban street, a triple-decker, very purple bus, where there had been nothing a moment before. Over the windshield, gold lettering proclaimed The Knight Bus." - I forgot Hermione has not taken or ever even seen The Knight Bus before.

"as I live and breath!" - "as I live and breathe!"
alix33 chapter 3 . 2/15/2012
Snape dressed as a muggle made me laugh.

"The entire Granger family looked like they'd been through the ringer." - "through the wringer".

Poor Hermione and her parents and Sirius!

"Suddenly, she looked shrewdly at him. Are you hiding under those covers for some reason? Sleeping in the buff? Harry was shocked. No! But-well, close. Just my drawers. Could you-excuse me while I get dressed? Dudley and I go running every morning. She smirked. Boxers or briefs? Boxers. Color? Black. How wizard-like. Come on, it sounds about the same as swim trunks. Hermione, please... All right, all right, I'm going. She got up and went to the door, looking pointedly again at the photo of herself on the bedside table, but not saying anything." - That bit was very funny.

"went to his wardrobe to get some running clothes; he had been able to do some shopping with the money he was making from working in the garden, and for simplicity's sake as much as anything else, he had bought virtually all black clothes: black shorts and singlets for running, along with black socks and running shoes, plus black jeans and turtlenecks and button-down shirts for wearing with his school robes in the fall, plus a few black sweaters and T-shirts. He'd even, as he'd already told Hermione, bought black boxers." - I wish I could acquire a whole wardrobe just in black.

"Hermione had brought her notebook from the Greek cooking class and was paging through it, looking for the right recipes for the meal she was planning to serve before they left for the Burrow. She made notes on a piece of lined paper with a ball-point pen; it struck Harry that this was the first time he'd ever seen her not writing on parchment using a quill and a bottle of ink." - LOVE that description of the stationery.

"sautéed mushroom caps with roasted peppers, olive tapenade, pesto and melted Gruyere cheese; a salad of wild greens with a balsamic vinaigrette; leg of lamb with sautéed spinach and truffle risotto; and chocolate gateau with Turkish coffee for dessert, plus fruit and cheese besides." - Yum!

"Harry thought, She should teach the house elves at school how to make this...then tried not to laugh at the thought of the house elves allowing themselves to be taught recipes by the mad reformer, Hermione Granger, who scandalized them every time she called their situation enslavement." - I do not know who will be crying the hardest during that class, Hermione or the house elves.
alix33 chapter 2 . 2/15/2012
"Dudley looked up from his celery sticks and lettuce; the rest of them had pork chops and potatoes and buttered beans." - Poor Dudley, on account of his version of dinner. I do not think I have ever felt sorry for Dudley before.

"followed by Pigwidgeon hauling a package far too large for him" - AW, poor Pigwidgeon!

"It had some kind of very sweet-smelling pastry with honey and walnuts in it, which Hagrid identified as a Ukrainian version of baklava. ...not that I'm saying I'm in Ukraine... Hagrid's note said. Harry smiled. Hagrid was terrible at keeping secrets." - Yum!

It made me laugh that Hermione's mom prefers Snuffles/Padfoot to Sirius.

"he let Dudley try some of the Every Flavor Beans Ron had sent (Dudley was fine when he got blueberry, treacle tart and even fish and chips, but recoiled when he got one that tasted unmistakably like furniture polish)." - Dudley still got lucky IMO: It could have been a lot worse than furniture polish once it started going every flavour.

"His uncle Vernon stopped with a piece of meat he'd been chewing stuck in his left cheek pouch. They both looked at their son as though they'd been hit by the strongest stunning curse there was. What? his dad exploded after a minute, not having moved the half-chewed meat, so it went flying out of his mouth into the middle of the table. He reached for it, picked it up and put it back in his mouth. Harry recoiled, grimacing." - EW!
alix33 chapter 1 . 2/15/2012
"He tried to sing a little of his school's song, to see how his voice sounded. Traditionally, at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, everyone sang the school song to a different tune. He was partial to Loch Lomond and started singing, "I'll take the high road and you'll take the low road..." but it came out sounding rather like a cross between a garden gnome being sat on by a dragon and a rabid cat being kicked about. He cleared his throat and tried again, managing this time to produce a recognizable tune in a reedy tenor, causing him to be optimistic, but halfway through the first verse, his voice cracked and made a noise that was so startling that his snowy owl Hedwig squawked in her cage and flapped her wings agitatedly." - Poor Harry! Muggle-style puberty is bad enough, but magical puberty means your pet gets to put his or her two knuts' worth in too!

"examining the lightening-shaped scar on his forehead, a mark he'd received as a baby on the night Voldemort killed his parents," - "lightning bolt-shaped".

"he'd never noticed a single wizard walking about with little tufts of toilet paper stuck to the shaving cuts on his face, like his Uncle Vernon did every morning. Sometimes they fell off his face at the breakfast table and dropped into his coffee or his food; Harry never said anything when this happened, trying not to grin broadly as he watched his detested uncle eat a spoonful of eggs prominently adorned with a wad of bloody paper, which his uncle did not notice when his face was buried in the morning news. At times like this he would invariably say to Harry's Aunt Petunia, "Petunia! What have you put in the eggs this morning! They're smashing!" And his aunt would look self-satisfied and smug, launching into a discourse about a famous chef she'd seen demonstrating recipes on a chat show. Harry would have to drop his fork and put his head under the table to avoid them seeing the gleeful look on his face, and once he almost choked on his orange juice, trying not to laugh." - EW!

That snake (OK, Sandy, but I did not know that was going to be her name when I originally wrote this bit) sounded nice.

Jeez, Harry had better get some sunscreen from I don't-know-where, or he will turn lobster red, what with all that working in the sun without a shirt.

"making himself a sandwich for dinner and then rolling into bed early," - What did Harry put on his dinner sarnie, please?
1chase1997 chapter 23 . 12/27/2011
mirror image

egami rorrim

hahahahaha epic neville!
Hortensia chapter 1 . 10/29/2011
Well, I like the story a lot. As for the missing quotation marks, it does make it harder to read. People who can't read without them should check out this story at Fiction Alley. The quotation marks are included there.
PKMNTrainerbryamc chapter 4 . 10/16/2011
Your story is great, but you need to have someone proof-read them. It infuriates me that there are no quotation marks - it makes for harder reading. I don't know if you bothered to fix this in later chapters, I'll just have to hope that you noticed ALL of the MISSING quotation marks you have.
Jane chapter 33 . 10/9/2011
The plot was great, but the characterizations of all the characters were definitely lacking. I never really felt like you explained Hermione's feelings towards Ron? She was always giving him strange looks - but you would never go on to expand on that. With Ron you did, but even then, I feel like there was no real resolution. And for a fic that has Harry/Hermione as supposedly the main couple, I must admit it wasn't my favourite reading. I guess it was all the third-party intrusions, but I never mind that in fics - only with yours, again like I said, I felt like it was never really explained - fleshed out enough.

Again, I think you just scarified character development/interaction for the plot.

One thing I really didn't enjoy was the constant Harry/Ginny. And the scene right at the end, where she lightly kisses him. IDK, even if that was a "goodbye" thing, it still bothers me.
Juqu chapter 9 . 9/11/2011
I liked the beginning with Dudley and character development. Dropped this story in ch9, because it had become more like soap opera.
prose.titute chapter 34 . 9/4/2011
It's September 4 in Australia now. The 10 year anniversary of TPS's completion. :)

I'd like to thank you for adding this to the end of this story.

"I suspect that JKR will find a way to treat future atrocities by her villains in such a way that they do not seem sensationalistic and opportunistic. I am also confident that good will triumph in the end, although it may be at a cost. That is only realistic, and although she is writing fantasy, it has a very realistic edge to it. I do not think she will shy away from realistically depicting the cost of such a victory, nor should she. It could be the most valuable education we and our children receive from her books." Agreed.

Kudou Shinichi chapter 5 . 8/7/2011
Ack Harry fail! What is this noob doing?
caffeinatedlackey chapter 3 . 7/28/2011
This story was recommended to me by a FFN author I admire, and I made a real effort to read it, but I can't stand your disregard for proper punctuation! Please use quotation marks when someone speaks. It's common courtesy to your readers so your story is intelligible and easy to follow.

If you ever edit this story to use quotation marks, I'll gladly give it a second go, but for now I have to give up.
Valley42 chapter 3 . 7/15/2011
I'm sorry, but I can't read a story without quotations. :(
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